11 days out

I think you just wanted to rant, but in case you were looking for advice -

Stop asking them for money, expect it gone because if they wanted to help, they would have. Do not honor their requests, there is absolutely no reason for a guests deceased husband to be on that table...very strange.

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We haven't asked for any money! Every time they make a demand and I say I'll think about it, it's "we're helping pay so we should have a say" and FH likes to keep the peace so just tells me to do what they ask and I'm too tired to fight.

Like I get that this friend was one of FFIL's best friends, but I also find it weird, to me the memorial table is for family that has passed, not friends... Don't know if that makes me insensitive but I'm glad you also find it strange lol

I think you're just on your last nerve now. I don't blame you. Money, even pretend not really money, is coming with massive strings. I would call that money you were counting on lost, and figure out how to pay the bill yourselves. Sound like they've learned that promising money is how they get what they want.

Since it's FI family, I'd leave dealing with this up to him, but I would also discuss a plan B when the money doesn't appear.

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My parents are fully prepared to pay for the entirety of the wedding.

The only thing them not giving us the money is going to do is damage THEIR relationship with my parents that they so badly want a relationship with. My parents will 100% say something to them if the money is not given, cause they came to the agreement of how much they were giving directly with my parents not us. BUT anytime they want to talk about the money the discuss it with us no matter how many times I tell them they need to speak with my parents.

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Ok well that's a relief. At least you won't lose the venue! I'm sorry, they sound annoying.

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So annoying lol

I actually haven't spoken a word to his mother in almost a month because of her atrocious behavior at my bridal shower, and I told FH I wasn't speaking to her/seeing her until the wedding cause if I do I'm going to say somethings that will 100% cause problems and I'm not trying to do that so close to the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Sorry you’re dealing with that!


I’d continue to direct them to your parents if they continue to want to speak with you about it. If their relationship with your parents implodes because of it, honestly I’d just step aside and let the chips fall where they may. That’s between them and not you guys.
I’ve watched a few in-law relationships blow up before. It’s crazy to me when I see parents of the couple try to be friends. My grandparents weren’t that way - they just said hi to each other at me and my sister’s birthdays and that was that. There was an understanding that they already had their own established lives. It just makes it all the more awkward for grandkid gatherings if they try to be friends and then it fails. Then again, maybe there are in-law parent relationships out there that work well that I just haven’t seen 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Yeah, I don't get his parents obsession with wanting to be friends with my parents, they're four completely different people with nothing in common besides their kids.

My mom already doesn't like them cause wedding planning has been a disaster with them AND FH's mom doesn't really like me all that much and treats me horribly so that bridge has already been burned, my parents are just trying to get me down the aisle to cut ties which I'm completely in support of.

Yeesh, they sound like something else. The memorial tables I've seen have ALWAYS just been family and friends of the couple, not father's friend's wives. I'd be real tempted to tell your in-laws that they don't get a say until they ACTUALLY pay. If you end up footing the bills, I'd consider any (potential) contributions from them as nothing more than a wedding gift and do whatever possible to reverse any of their demands that they tried to buy.

View Quoted Comment Sending good thoughts your way! I’m sure your day will still go well 😊

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Very. I don't think this is on you. Continue the low contact and stay the course. Let go of the outcome re: their promises to pay, it might steal your joy. I hope you have an amazing, amazing day!

Oof. You are really going through a lot. I am wishing you all the best and hoping your in-law relations ease a bit after the wedding. I am glad your parents are there to support you! ❤️



My husband has a difficult relationship with his parents and the wedding 100% just fanned the flames. Things have improved to manageable levels now that the wedding is behind us. Perhaps things will improve in the future for you too.