Hi everyone. First time poster, so a little nervous, but I thought this would be the best place to get feedback. I am already having issues with my future BIL and his fiancee. Back story: My fiance and I began dating in March 2022. We would both go to each other's family events and would sometimes combine our families since mine is small. Every time I was over, or even my parents, his brother and his girlfriend would not talk to us or look in our general direction. The girlfriend would even scowl and pout when we were around. They would talk to everyone else though. I figured "oh, we're new. It'll take time". Spoiler alert: it never did.
According to my fiance, back in December he made plans to buy a ring and propose. His brother was pissed to the point they almost got in a fist fight. He was mad because he was also going to propose to his girlfriend and did not want to share the limelight. My fiance said "We are going away at the beginning of March for her birthday and our anniversary. I am doing it then with a Cameo from her favorite band". The brother's response: "Well, then I'm going to do it the week after so the focus is on us. And I am also getting her a Cameo".
We get engaged at the beginning of March. No words exchanged between us. The following weekend, they get engaged with the whole family there watching (us too, which was awkward). Still, nothing is said. I utter a "congratulations" but am ignored. But his plan worked, the attention went to them and that is where it has remained. When his family is together with both couples, the conversation is with them and not us at all. We planned for fall of 2025. What a coincidence, they are getting married in the spring of 2025. We are having an engagement party next month and one of our colors for the party, and the wedding, was chosen. They picked the exact same color after we did and after seeing the decorations for the party. Since we are getting married after they do, we are changing the color scheme so we don't match. If it was a friend or another family member with the same color, it wouldn't be as bad. But it's a brother and his now fiancee that have been causing the issues prior to the engagement and afterwards. The past 2 months have been overly stressful because of them. A bunch of wedding ideas I had have now been taken by them. I am not saying I want us to have all the focus, but it seems like our wedding is an afterthought for his family and whatever the brother wants, he gets and my fiance is told to go along with it.
Am I wrong for being mad? Am I wrong for not wanting to go to their wedding? In the entire year we have been together, the brother and I have exchanged 5 words and that was when his fiancee wasn't around. And I think I have exchanged around the same amount of words with the fiancee. She has not been nice or civil to me or my family since day 1. She makes me very uncomfortable and like I am not wanted around. I try to give people chances, but I am out of chances with them. I know I should go for my fiance and since they will also be my family, but the unwelcome feeling is very strong and I don't want to be somewhere where I feel unwanted.
