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Just Said Yes August 2021

3 years and no proposal... Should i consider moving on?

Laura, on August 20, 2021 at 11:26 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 19
Hello... I need some advice, I'm 24 and I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now, he's 36 and we get each other so well, we make the perfect duo, we're soul mates and I love him so very much, we have a pretty stable relationship, but this is the situation....
When I meet him, I had a the intention to move in to France because my mom lives there, and I was considering leaving because there was nothing left for me, my dad had his family apart, and my two sisters, one is married and the other one moved to Argentina so I was pretty much alone until I started dating my boyfriend, last year I had to leave to France on May, but due covid19, everything got canceled, so I stayed in my country and we built a much more stronger relationship.

This is the thing, I finished college and well the idea of going back to France, studying and working there, etc(I speak French) What worries me is that in all these years I never heard my boyfriend say anything about becoming something even more serious, like marriage or maybe talk about a commitment with me, it was always me the one joking around about the topic, or giving him hints here and there but he never got it, or never wanted to get it😢 the only thing he said is that he's going to France to chease me and see "what's up with me like what have I achieve until he goes" and I feel he's saying that because he wants me first to have money, a job, a car, so if we get married I don't steal his house car, etc, or well that's how I feel because his family acts that way towards me, specially his father that never liked me because he thinks the only thing I want is money, and his houses and stuff, just because I'm younger and it was never like that, never!!! I'm a very humble person, I want to have my own things because I was poor when I was younger, but anyways, I even think he doesn't want to propose because the way his father thinks about me, he's not going to agree, (his mother would because she loved me, sadly she passed away from cancer last year, she wanted us to get married) So Idon't know what to do, I was considering staying in my country because I'm very happy with him, we complement each other, we are an amazing couple, we respect each other, we support each other in everything, we're best friends, I want something more than a relationship, I wish I could call him my husband, I think about it, he's getting older, and seems like he's okay with only having me as a his girlfriend, all kind of thoughts come to my mind, maybe I'm not worth marrying. 😢What should I do? Help me please, if necessary tell me if I'm the one that is wrong I will pretty much appreciate

19 Comments

Latest activity by CountryBride, on August 22, 2021 at 11:32 PM
  • Jasmine
    Master August 2021
    Jasmine ·
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    If you guys are truly happy, that's all that matters but I know how you feel. There are people who don't believe in marriage and others who don't marry until after 10+ years. It's not a race or anything. Instead of dropping hints, you should speak to him directly and tell him how you feel. I wish you the best.

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  • L
    Just Said Yes August 2021
    Laura ·
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    I already spoke directly about this to him before but I never got a straight answer, he just says, "go to France first and we'll see when I go after you" that's why I don't know, he never gives me a straight answer, I don't wanna rush anything tho I just wish I could be with him forever because me moving to France will change everything we have and built
    By the way, thank you so much for replying
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  • Jasmine
    Master August 2021
    Jasmine ·
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    Hmm, I see. Like I mentioned before, he could possibly be the type who doesn't believe in marriage which isn't uncommon. It's also not exactly healthy or fair to stay in a relationship where you both don't want the same things, ya know?? It's a really tough call. Hope you take some time to try and figure things out. Good luck.

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  • L
    Just Said Yes August 2021
    Laura ·
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    He does believe in marriage,
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  • L
    Just Said Yes August 2021
    Laura ·
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    Sorry the last message was sent without being finished.
    He does believe in marriage, he even believes in marriage before living together, he's mormon so that's why, and yes, you are right and thank you, I hope things get better too!
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  • Jasmine
    Master August 2021
    Jasmine ·
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    Oh, well then maybe he's just not ready and doesn't know how to express it. If it's truly an incredible relationship like you say it is, I'm sure something will work out in the end.

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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    This is a huge age gap. It's possible he chose a much younger woman because he thought you wouldn't feel the itch as soon.


    He also has a very misogynist and cynical view of marriage. He thinks you might go after his money? Yuck.
    After 3 years, at the age of 36, he's given you a clear as answer you're going to get. If you leave for another country, he won't be too heartbroken. He'll see what happens.
    If you're starting to wonder if you're worth marrying, this isn't the relationship for you. Leave and find someone who makes you feel worth marrying
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  • Emilia
    Super June 2019
    Emilia ·
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    Hello ! Ah, la France ! Parlons-en ! ;-)

    Living here, I have to say that I have really a different vision of couples and mariages ! Most of the couples around us is getting married at 36/38 ! They are together for years, they have kids, they buy houses... and only AFTER they decide to get married. So if you come to France, you'll see that 3 years of relationship is like... just the beginning, especially when you're that young ! I know it's probably different than in the US , but with my experience.

    So that is about the circumstances. Then, there's your boyfriend. Maybe he is the problem himself, not the non-proposal ?

    And if you came here (France) without him to start... you would see how it goes ? Maybe he would take a plane after couple of months of missing you, and come with a ring...?

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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Go to France! Live your dream!
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  • Kristen
    Expert February 2023
    Kristen ·
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    IMO, a successful relationship is one where there is no guessing. You can feel safe to talk about anything - no need for dropping hints. If you have brought marriage up and he doesn’t give you a straight answer, he’s not ready. It’s not because you’re not worth marrying, my love. It doesn’t sound like your goals sync up. If I were you, I would go to France and make a life for yourself. It will be hard at first to be away from him and feel like you don’t have the answers you are looking for. But I think you may find as you establish yourself there and become more independent, you may be a lot more confident and way happier. It’s hard to see the other side of things when you are in limbo like this, but I promise you there is so much opportunity waiting for you if you are willing to take that chance. You are so so young…too young to be dealing with this limbo. Don’t make your life dependent on his decisions. You should ask yourself is HE worth marrying?
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  • Nichole
    Expert September 2022
    Nichole ·
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    You need to have an open and blunt discussion with him on this topic. My fiance and I never seriously discussed getting married, we had discussed that while never one of us is positive that we want kids that if we did decide we want kids we had to be married and it had to be before I turned 40. He asked once or twice if I had thought about marriage with him and I always said yes I had. I am at a point in my life where I was perfectly happy to just be with him and didnt feel like I needed the marriage to be happy, that would just be a bonus. So when he proposed in March I was caught completely off guard but incredibly happy and excited. Talk to your guy, be open and blunt about it and insist on answers. If you arent satisfied with his answers move to France.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Unfortunately, it sounds like you have completely different goals which happens when there is such a large age gap. He is used to being a bachelor and it doesn't sound like he really wants that to change. He also has told you he's fine with you moving to another country without him and you'll see what happens. He doesn't sound nearly as committed as you and he's not even sure the relationship will last much less even considering marriage. If he was then I would think he'd make plans to move with you or not want you to move. If it were me, I don't think I'd stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't seem as invested in the relationship as you.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Unfortunately, he doesn’t sound interested in marriage right now and I’m not sure he’s all that invested in this relationship if he tells you to move to France and then he’ll follow up with you “to see where you’re at/what you have achieved.” Men don’t generally tell you to leave the city/state/country if they don’t want to lose you. That is also highly disrespectful because he’s saying you’re not enough right now to marry.


    I wouldn’t give up the chance to live in France or spend more time with my mom! Doesn’t sound like he’ll be proposing anytime soon so you’d be wasting time waiting for him to change.
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    I went back to read this more carefully - this is painful to hear, I know. But he is not going to marry you. Being Mormom, marriage is very important to his faith, and at his age, he would be feeling intense pressure from his family, church, entire community to be married and have children. His religion is incredibly family oriented.


    You deserve someone who thinks you are a treasure. Who is happy when you walk in a room. Who values all of you. You deserve someone who looks on you as a gift.
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  • Jasmine S.
    VIP May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    If you were both 24, his excuses about stuff like the career and the car would be more believable. But at 36, people know what they want. Those who are ready to settle down won't waste time. He's probably played this game with other women in the past. If I were you I wouldn't move in with him, or then he'll think he can stall as long as he wants because he thinks you won't leave. The fact that you posted this means you already have a gut feeling that this is going nowhere, so I think you already know the answer.
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  • Candace
    Super March 2022
    Candace ·
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    Go to France and live your dream while you are young! But do it for yourself. You have nothing to prove to him or his family.
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Yeah, friends of mine call that “future faking.”
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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Don’t change your plans for him when he is not willing to make plans with you. As simple as that. Go to France. Live your life. If it is a relationship meant for success, you’ll work it out after. If it’s not, at least it’s not holding you back. His answers may seem vague and unsatisfying , but they’re all saying the same thing : he is not ready or interested in even discussing marriage right now.
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  • CountryBride
    VIP April 2022
    CountryBride ·
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    I would leave and enjoy France he is saying hi and we’ll see how it goes but it sounds like he isn’t putting much stock up n your relationship
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