50 people

Smaller to me would be about 20 guests or less.

View Quoted Comment I was going 250 ppl coming mainly my people but do u have any ideas on what to do ?

If you aren't inviting someone to the wedding, they don't get invited to the shower.

You can still have a shower, but at that point, they'd be intimate luncheons, or something.

View Quoted Comment But why I mean it’s not like a rule or anything and it’s unique as well ? Because I’ve had a lot of ppl say they wouldn’t care they’d be honored to just be involved at all but some say what you just said

View Quoted Comment It's rude, because it looks like gift grabbing.
IF people not invited to the wedding throw you a party, that's fine.

But the bride doesn't plan the shower. Just the guest list.

View Quoted Comment Yeah but not all the people would think that plus it’s my time I should get to do whatever I want like at least I’m willing to even include them in anything ! Plus for me it would be mostly familg anyway lol so they’d prolly send me gifts anyway like a lot of my people who I wouldn’t be inviting are family like half of my guest list were family of extended family of those who have married family members lol

View Quoted Comment I mean whoever has a problem with it doesn’t have to come plus I wouldn’t care about their opinion like I want them involved of the big day because I don’t want to make my fiancé feel awkward so at least I’m at least involving you in something

View Quoted Comment It sounds like you need to talk to your FH about the size of your wedding.


You clearly want big celebrations.
Inviting people to the shower means they get invited to the wedding and you are likely to lose friends over it if you do this.

View Quoted Comment Maybe you could have a larger celebration for your one year anniversary?

It's rude to invite people to a shower who aren't invited to the wedding - plus, how could they make it there if they can't to the wedding? If you're planning to host it virtually, then you should invite them all to virtually attend the wedding as well. Even in that case, I think it's a bit gift-grabby. If you genuinely want more people involved and aren't happy with the virtual option, you have to postpone.

It's your wedding. Invite who you want and however many people you want.

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If you don't care about the opinions of the people you want to invite to give you a gift but not to see you get married, and you don't care about the opinions on this board, I am not sure what you are asking.

But the advice here comes from a neutral place (we don't know you or your invitees) so it would make sense to really consider what people are saying: inviting people to a gift-giving pre-wedding celebration but NOT the wedding is unkind and has the potential to really hurt the feelings of your loved ones (whether or not they admit this to you).

I'm slightly confused by your question. It's incredibly rude to invite people to prewedding events, such as a bridal shower, if they won't be invited to the wedding. I agree with Rebecca, that it sounds like you want a larger wedding but your fiance does not. Is this because his family members are in Peru, or because he feels uncomfortable in large crowds? I wasn't sure from your post. Any way, I would have a heart to heart with him and talk things through.

View Quoted Comment No he doesn’t care I’m the person who doesn’t want him to feel uncomfortable because he doesn’t have anyone it would be his moms friends and whenever we hang out with them he just seems really uncomfortable around them

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Yes, it is an etiquette rule - only people invited to the actual wedding are invited to pre-wedding events.

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So you don't care if you offend people by doing something rude?

View Quoted Comment Showers and bachelorettes are not parties you throw for yourself. Of 15 people not onvited to your wedding all decide that even though they are all not invited, they would like to throw a party, accept. Let them plan it, you show up. Rather like work showers. But hostesses for showers for people who are invited, should never be inviting those not invited. Like saying, you are not close enough to be invited. But come, spend $75 on a gift and come anyways. That is considered rude. Decide how many you can host, 25, 50. And consider that the whole wedding. If you visit Peru at some point, you have a second reception there, since distance prevented them from being included before.