80-20 Rule

For my relationship, I wouldn't even say it's 20%
"Freedom" to follow what I want because my husband supports me in literally everything that I do. I could say tomorrow that I want to start looking for jobs across the US & he would be completely fine with that. I literally have the most supportive spouse it's amazing.

With that being said I have no wants "outside of my relationship" 🤷🏾‍♀️.

This sounds ridiculously simplistic to me. Where is it from? Do these people have children, or families they come from? Do they work or participate in an educational program, either of which satisfies basic needs? Do they do anything in their community, or their religious community?
No spouse should bear the burden of satisfying 80% of your needs.

View Quoted Comment Hi Judith, its from the Paleto Principle. Google it for more info.
Could you put any number for how much of a percentage is realistic for one to get their wants and needs from a healthy relationship? If so, what number/percentage would you put down?

View Quoted Comment Okay, thanks for sharing Yasmine. Some of my wants include traveling. My FH doesn't always accompany me for every single domestic or international trip I take when I visit family or friends. The longest I'm usually away for is just one week.

My husband and I are supportive of one another and I always encourage him to go for stuff he wants or to experience other things. I travel without him sometimes and it’s funny because I WILL get asked a lot “why doesn’t your husband go too?” And it’s like .. why does he have to..?

View Quoted Comment Right! That is so true. It's perfectly okay to spend time apart.

I have an amazing partner that is very supportive of my crazy ideas. We were together for 11 years but it wasn’t very good at the time. Spent 6 yrs apart & am very grateful for those years. We both had some growing up to do. Now we enjoy each other, support each other & don’t hold each back on our dreams. We love traveling & seeing the world. I want to experience these things with him. When I start my conversations with him “you know where I really want to go?” or “I was thinking...” he knows I’ve got a great adventure for us!

View Quoted Comment Had it in economics, and think this is a mis-application. But as requested, I looked it up.
Wikipedia:
The Pareto principle states that for many outcomes roughly 80% of consequences come from 20% of the causes (the “vital few”). If you have 100workers , it is likely that a vital 20% of them produce 80% of the goods. If you have 100 acres of land, it is likely that 20% or 20 of them produce 80% of the food........To use it for marriage, If you have 5 lovers (100%) , likely a vital 1 (20% of total) provides 80% of your satisfaction. ......... But in your problematic problem, there is no 100%, of which 20% provides 80%. ... There are only two of you. You are equal in number. So one cannot claim that a vital few of the whole number (20) are doing 80% of anything. You cannot have 20% of two whole persons, act separately, to do anything.

View Quoted Comment Sigh 😰😰😰😰😰
Okay, thanks for contributing to the thread.

Hi Everyone,
The 80/20 dating theory stems from The Pareto Principle, which was conceptualized by Italian philosopher and economist Vilfredo Federico Pareto in 1906. After noticing that 80% of Italy's wealth was owned by 20% of the population, Pareto discovered that almost all economic activity could be attributed to the idea that 80% of the results will come from just 20% of the action.

This concept has since been adapted across various cultures and aspects of life. For example, in Japan, the teaching of Hara Hachi Bu instructs people to eat until they are 80% full and no more. Researchers have found that this guideline may be one of the reasons why Japanese people live such long and healthy lives.
This rule has also been applied to business; to increase productivity, rather than idling on work that is of low importance (the 80%), focus on the areas which are most valuable (the 20%). The key to being more efficient, says The Pareto Principle, is to drop or delegate the least important work for the most results-bearing.
In a more philosophical sense, the 80/20 theory implies that there are always going to be things in your life that are not going right; if your car has broken down, the next problem will be your pet getting sick. It is about your attitude and how you respond to these '20% issues' that will determine how miserable you make yourself feel.
Now, people are applying this golden rule to their relationships and dating life, using it to accept flaws in their significant other or spend some quality time alone.
What Is The 80/20 Dating Rule?
The 80/20 dating rule states that if a relationship is great 80% of the time, the rest can be less than ideal. After all, it is impossible and unrealistic to find a person or a relationship that is perfect all the time.
This theory also supports the idea that if people feel like something is missing in the relationship, they can take some time to be independent and do things that interest them outside of that person. Even though most of their time will be spent nurturing the relationship, 20% of it can be used to engage in self-exploration and self-fulfilling hobbies, such as traveling, reading, and going to the gym. But why 80/20 and not 90/10? Simply put, any more than 80% may put too much pressure on the relationship.

I found the information here: https://www.regain.us/advice/dating/the-80-20-rule-dating-using-the-pareto-principle/

View Quoted Comment Well a week isn't horrible, maybe he will start taking more trips with you! Traveling is one of my husband and I favorite thing to do so anytime I want to plan a trip, he jumps right on it lol

View Quoted Comment There is a fine line between support and being whipped. Random question: hypothetically, Let's say you dislike a person. Would your hubby "support" you be being openly rude or mean to this person if he ran into them?

View Quoted Comment As I said my husband SUPPORTS everything that I do! If I have a problem with someone and I have a valid reason, then my husband would respect that AS HE SHOULD. I wouldn't be openly rude to anyone for no reason because that's not the type of person I am. But my husband has my back with everything I do, so if you call that us being whipped then 🤷🏾‍♀️ Idc lol

View Quoted Comment You didn't answer my question but if you dont care then idc lol.
Take care.

Hi everyone, for clarification there's a line between being supportive and being whipped.
"Being whipped" has connotations of always doing things at your partner's whim--that is, of having no boundaries, being unable to assert your own needs or interests, being unable to say "no" to a partner's requests, and so on. It also suggests that the flow of power is one way; that you do things for a partner who does not, in turn, do things for you.

View Quoted Comment I did answer your question, I told you my husband would respect my decision as he should 🤷🏾‍♀️ ... because my husband supports me. Even if it meant flying with me to visit family ☺️

View Quoted Comment There is definitely a difference, but in a marriage you're supposed to support each other as well. It has nothing to do with power, it has everything to do with having each other's backs and best interests at heart! Support each other's dreams!

View Quoted Comment

I agree with this! I also hate the word whipped! The idea that one spouse has any "power" in the relationship doesn't sound healthy (of course unless you like that stuff in the bedroom ). My FH used to grab stuff for me in the dining hall at school since he would be going to get something anyway, and one of his friends would always call him whipped. Even had a stupid little sound effect on his phone. Some couples have no boundaries and it doesn't make either whipped (though I think boundaries are healthy that doesn't mean everyone thinks the same way). Support is amazing and communication is key! I'm so happy your husband is ready to be by your side through everything!

View Quoted Comment Okay sorry Yasmine.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much ❤️ & yes I agree with what you said - support is amazing and communication is key! I think that it's cute that your FH would do that for you 🥰 it wasn't him being "whipped" it was him caring, & I'm sure you would do the same for him. I feel like people only call that being whipped when they haven't experienced that type of love and support.