80-20 Rule

View Quoted Comment Woah. I disagree, I'm actually offended by you Yasmine that you're insinuating that I haven't experienced love and support :-(



And What both of you described is not something I would call being whipped.

View Quoted Comment I don’t think she was referring to you in her comment; she was referring to the guys with the sound effect on their phone who were calling the other poster’s bf “whipped”

View Quoted Comment Yes thank you Chrysta. I wasn't referring to her at all, it was definitely directed to the post that I replied to.

View Quoted Comment I doubt that. It seemed strange that you couldn't reply yourself and had to wait until Chrysta said something.
Hurt and dissappointed in you, Yasmine :-(

View Quoted Comment Because I wasn't on my phone so I couldn't comment until after Chrysta? 🥴🤣 I don't need to wait for anyone to comment to say what I want to say. Just know that if I was on my phone 20 minutes ago then I would've commented and told you myself that I wasn't referring to you 🤷🏾‍♀️ ... Whether Chrysta commented or not!!!

View Quoted Comment Ok, Gotcha 👍

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Thank you, Yasmine ! Yes, I agree and I love helping my FH (even though he's stubborn at asking help ) This particular friend was a fraternity brother of FH. They always bragged about how the frat was all about being a gentleman but, then was a sexist jerk. He was in a long relationship until about 6 months ago but, she was definitely doing most of the love. This guy was constantly putting down our relationship since the beginning and then had the nerve once he saw we were engaged to message FH and asked where his invite was. FH put his foot down and say he was not invited and they haven't talked since. It's good for him to be away from that negativity!

View Quoted Comment Good for him! You definitely don't want any negative energy, especially on your wedding day!

"You should spend 80% of your time devoted to your relationship, and still have 20% freedom to follow your dreams and do what you want."

This concept doesn't really make sense to me and doesn't seem to apply to my relationship. But that's ok because all relationships are different and statistical hypotheticals rarely translate well to real life, even if they can be interesting to discuss academically.

I can't relate to any sort of ratio of my time that I devote to my relationship vs. "following my dreams". My partner supports my dreams and they aren't separate from our relationship, even if they are my dreams. For example, I went back to school to get my degree as an adult learner with a full time job. My spouse was on board with me spending ~2 years with next to no free time, taking on student debt, and aggressively working to pay off that debt. We made all of those decisions together, as a part of (and never separate from) our relationship.

All of that said, I absolutely believe that people in a relationship should cultivate their own interests. It's healthy for adults to have hobbies/interests/friendships separate from their significant other and to enjoy spending time apart to pursue those activities. I could never have married someone who couldn't respect my need for some alone time every day.

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Can you explain more what you mean about being whipped? My only experience with that term is immature men using it to describe their friends who, they feel, are too nice to their significant others.

I can't answer your hypothetical because I literally can't imagine that situation nor do I understand what it has to do with the original topic.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for sharing, Maggie. That was beautifully written.

I honestly think that following any sort of mathematical/statistical formula for relationships is a recipe for disaster and will only set you up for disappointment. Relationships are a partnership, not a formula, and what works for one couple may not work for others.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Kristin!