a Different Side: When to be concerned about negligence?

Kahlcara,

Thank you for your response! In my other replies I have mentioned how the situation is going so far.

Regarding the age of the puppy; as I stated before, I am completely aware that he is very young to be away from his mother. Responsibility would dictate that they would leave their mothers in between 10-20 weeks, depending on the puppy and what kind of training the breeder applies. With Atticus' breed, I, personally, would suggest training from a "breeder," to make visits, and then take the puppy home at 20 weeks.

We didn't find a puppy online, go searching for a puppy or plan for this serendipitous moment. We live in rural South Texas. Most people who live here own large ranches, and have up to 10 working dogs. Apollo, the dog I mentioned that I had adopted before dating my FH was a product of two ranch dogs, who lived over 5 miles apart interacting; resulting in one man's dog to become pregnant. After tracking down the father, they actually decided to purchase him for their own ranch ( and also because, apparently, their dogs were smitten with each other), and by the time I went to pick up Apollo, his father was neutered and Apollo's mother had an appointment to be spayed once the puppies were weaned and she was ready. Accidents like this happen everywhere you go, especially when people own literally hundreds of acres and need their animals to have access to every inch of that land. Many don't neuter their males so that they have "that extra boost," whatever that means.

The puppy in question, Atticus, was in a crate on the side of the road in the middle of January with his mother and a sign that said "free puppies." I, personally, was disgusted; but I wasn't unfamiliar.

After talking to the "previous" (now) owner, she explained that she was waiting for her German Shepherd to go into heat before spaying her. People don't exactly expect their trained "working" dogs to leave their properties, but I've seen situations in which a dog will run for miles through pasture and even the city center to meet up with a neighboring ranch's group of dogs. That's what happened in this situation, when a neighboring working dog started spending time around their property. She never noticed her dog go into heat because her dog was pregnant before she had the opportunity. She was desperate, they had adopted one dog and ended up with 13. They didn't own a ranch, like most of the people here. She was just a secretary and she was in anguish over the whole situation. I'm not attempting to excuse her irresponsibility, I'm just saying that it happens. Mistakes are made.

My own dog is a product of this ignorance/negligence. I totally understand your concerns regarding issues with behavior and socialization because I had to deal with the same "issues" with my dog, Apollo. These are working dogs. Apollo is a yellow lab/ Australian Cattle Dog. Atticus is a German Shepherd/ Black Mouth Cur (natural bobtail-line). They are not meant to take leisurely strolls or to be "easy" to work with. Campbell and I were well aware of this when we made the final decision to take him home with us, as Campbell has been there with Apollo and I since he was about a year old. Apollo is halfway through his life now and we're still working on leash aggression (specifically). It's hard work, but we love running agility courses and playing frisbee or fetch with Apollo; and "working" is a primal need. Atticus will be the same way.

Again, thank you so much for your post! I just wanted to reiterate that we decided to take Atticus home because we've seen this situation before, and I knew that we would put in every moment necessary (even despite the hiccups) to make sure he's a good, and loved boy.

Aubrianna Abbema

Lynn,

Thank you for your response! I will be 24 this year and he will be 28. To me, there really isn't any excuse. However, the women I've spoken with, ranging from coworkers to friends and family to my own grandmother don't put much faith in the maturity of men, and almost see it as their duty to "make them" responsible. My mother divorced my father when she was 26 because she was tired of being around someone so impulsive. Well, he remarried and isn't impulsive anymore. Even my FH, with all the progress he's made over the years (I speak about it a lot in the other responses if you're interested, haha), still credits his "maturity" to my "molding," rather than him just getting a grip. I mean, I never told him to start putting his clothes on hangers, he just started doing it after seeing me do it!

Another thing, is men go through puberty like, several times in their lives . Men change so much in between 20 and 30 years old that I can completely understand why they're considered to not be "ready" or "fully developed" when it comes to taking on responsibility, impulsiveness, etc. In addition, their bodies mature during this time too. Chest hair becomes more prevalent, facial hair begins to even-out; so it would make sense that they're still developing and maturing. At the same time, though, I've met men in their 60's who could use some motherly nagging; so who knows. I'll never understand them.

Again, thank you so much for your reply and I really appreciate the positivity! It's kind of hard to be told over and over again that "THIS IS A MAJOR RED FLAG," when the entire reason I posted about it was because I thought that it was (especially after recanting the history) !

Aubrianna Abbema

Willow,

Thank you for your response! You're completely right: old habits do die hard. You wouldn't believe the bad habits that Campbell completely deserted upon realizing that he wanted to be with me. We have both sacrificed a lot to make sure that we can be together: because that's what we want. To be a team, forever, period. If you read my replies, you'll see that Campbell has stepped up in many ways in only a few days regarding, not only the puppy, but our older dog as well. I've never intended on marrying someone assuming that they will mature or change for the better. I intend on marrying my FH because I saw, from the moment he began (pursuing? that sounds kind of creepy) me that every day he matured and changed for the better. I'm marrying him because he works just as hard as I do to do the right thing, to be a good partner, and to make sure that we have security.

As I mentioned in other replies, Campbell was the black sheep of the family. Not only was he never given any reason to be responsible, but he was never given any respect. There were never any expectations for him. They put all of their eggs in the "planned" children basket of his two younger siblings, even set aside college funds: exclusively for them. In fact, they've also made it clear that they want absolutely no part in the wedding other than being a guest. Like I said, he's suffered a lot of emotional and mental abuse at the hand of his parents, where I never did. I'm marrying Campbell because his dedication and passion makes him a hard worker and a caring, considerate partner. I'm marrying Campbell because in spite of his pompous upbringing, he's stayed humble and has never asked for a piece his family's pie. Of course, we've had hiccups! Of course I get a bit peeved if he leaves his socks on the ground! And, of course, we're both still young; and I make mistakes and am awfully annoying sometimes, too! But, I'm marrying Campbell because he's the love of my life; and in our world: love trumps all. Even when we've been broke, destitute and depressed we've had each other to help guide one another to the right place. In this case, all it took was two semi-long conversations. I just wanted consult a few strangers before I decided to have this discussion with Campbell, because like Mrs. Winter Is Coming stated, some people just don't bond with/like animals the way others do and I wanted to get a general consensus. For example, my paternal grandmother doesn't even allow potted plants in her home, let alone something that sheds; but is absolutely wonderful with her children and us. To each their own.

Again, thank you so much for your reply! And keep spreading the message! It's true, no one should expect people to change. But, when someone does change for the better- for you; it's really quite profound and instills an inherit trust that, in my experience so far, builds on itself.

Aubrianna Abbema

Meghan,

So true! For example, I didn't let Campbell clean the litter boxes for YEARS because I have my own special way of doing it that (to me) is flawless. He's gotten the technique down so far, but definitely will need to practice before/if we ever have children because as superstitious/overly cautious/neurotic as I am, I don't think I'll go near a litter box pregnant... Or a microwave .

Haha, anyways, thanks so much! I hope you guys have a great day! And good luck with all things wedding, too!

Aubrianna Abbema

Katie,

Thanks for your response! I make a post because I thought that it was one. We've definitely gone over it and he's stepped up to the plate with Atticus since my post. I never said that he wasn't great with cleaning or housework; and he's a classically trained professional chef and will not let me cook which is actually really of nice! He bakes really well, too ! There are a lot of things that I don't do like laundry (he's 6'3 and his clothes are so heavy when wet)! It's really a give and take. I just wanted to make the post to see everyone's consensus regarding the everyday animal care (not including things like agility/obedience training and playing with the dog, or the once a week Bearded Dragon Carpet Replacement, and making "salads" for her). I really should have given Campbell a little more credit, because with everyone's responses I feel like the way I worded things made me feel like I waited hand and foot on him, specifically; when it's really just two laid back cats and my dog, who is so sympatico with me now that it's like he's my left arm. There are no real issues with house care, or him helping me, it's just when say, Apollo knocks a drink over with his tail and Campbell is two feet away from the napkins and yet he looks at me with pleading "help" eyes- that's annoying. Or groaning every other time I ask him if he will walk Apollo, because he never offered. However, with this newfound responsibility and the stress from the work-week gone, the tune is definitely changing on that. He really, really loves Atticus, and Atticus really, really loves Apollo (my dog). So, it makes it much easier to have Atticus follow Apollo around on walks and for Apollo to be able to direct Atticus to "what is safe and fun" in during playtime in the yard than it would be to leave a poor, now 6-week-old puppy (who shouldn't be away from his mother but was going to be given away regardless). So, I've already noticed a better appreciation between my dog and Campbell now that a new puppy is in the picture. It's slow and gradual, but noticeable and organic. You can tell that Campbell appreciates what I've done with Apollo over the years much more as well, just in this short time. Campbell's no quitter, that's why I'm marrying him!

Again, thank you so much for your response! Like I said, it's kind of like Apollo and I are training Campbell and Atticus how to be as sympatico as we are; while still being one big team!

Aubrianna Abbema

Katie,

Thanks for understanding! I wish I could edit the original topic, because going back it seems so "one-subject, he's a deadbeat," but I don't want to delete it in its entirety in case someone else or their SO needs that same kind of push/conversation/encouragement to take on a bit more responsibility and is scared they'll reject the notion because of experiences from 6 years ago or vise versa. Lesson learned: put more faith in future hubby because people on the internet will make you feel so guilty for doubting him once he's shown you that he's on top of itXD

Haha, thanks again!

Aubrianna Abbema

It would totally scare me. When my husband and I were dating we'd often discuss getting a dog when we were ready. Having had dogs in the past I know first handedly what it is to care for one from training, to walking hem, feeding them, interacting with them and cleaning up after them. I haven't even mentioned vet visits, grooming, toys for the dog, bed for the dog, leash, collar and harness, name tag, vaccinations, etc. About two months after we got married we got our baby girl Coco Puff! She's the sweetest maltipoo, when we got her she weighed no more than 4 lbs. I remember a few times she'd cry in her bed because she was alone and used to being with her siblings or wanted to play or go outside and my husband would make whining noises and I'd respond with, "I thought you wanted a dog?" I mean I did too but I wouldn't even think about it. I'd get home walk her, come back give her food and play with her. When I was lucky enough to work from home for sometime, I'd walk her before I started my day and as soon as I was done. After some getting used to he got on board and has been a responsible dog dad so it makes me feel better about having kids.