A guy's take on bachelor parties

FH had a bachelor party on Saturday. His guys tried to push him to go to the strip club and get a lap dance but he shut them down because it made him uncomfortable and didn't like the idea of me sitting at home while he has some strange woman rubbing herself all over him. There's a way to go out and have fun but respect your relationship/your partner. I would never want him to skip out on something like this because of me. It's suppose to be fun.

I love this. Good for that guy. If his friends knew him, they wouldn't have planned strip clubs. My uncle suggested taking my FH to strip clubs for his bachelor party... FH laughed and said "good luck ever getting me into a syrup club. He'd have better luck giving me a root canal in a back alley."

Which is why he's he one.

I think he sounds like a crap friend and also lame af. I'm actually rolling my eyes at him.

Also agree with Bee in that his intentions seem off. He pretty much gets up on a high horse about his views on bachelor parties and why he thinks he's so much better and more upstanding for boycotting his own bachelor party. He's annoying.

Ugh, seems like a passive aggressive stab at his groomsmen. I would never want a man who had "friends" he secretly hated. If he didn't hate them because they would not be countering his arguments, than he is being sickenly holier than thou which is worse in my book.

My own FI is super against going to a strip club for his bachelor party and has like minded groomsmen. Even the only single one is not advocating for strippers. They all want to play beer pong, play poker, go paintballing, and smoke cigars like the good ole times at their frat.

I am sincerely honest that anyone having to write that Facebook status is either protesting too much or surrounded by terrible friends, which either way is a huge red flag on the groom's character. I would get freaked out if I were that bride.

I love it! I would be horrified if I found out my FH had a stripper or something like that, just the same as he would be if the tables were turned. Part of that is for religious reasons but the main part is that we've searched our whole lives for each other, why would we ever want to look at someone else? I'm doing a lake weekend with my girlfriends at my parents home for my bachelorette party but FH isn't even doing a dinner with his groomsman or anything at all because he doesn't care lol

Eh, mixed feelings about this. Not sure if its even real but if it is it seems pretty "preachy" to me. But then again anytime anyone feels the need to go on social media to brag about themselves/receive praise or look for validation it rubs me the wrong way. I think bachelor/bachelorette parties are really more about celebrating the upcoming wedding with your friends more than anything. FH and I both have friends/family who are married/starting families or live far away so its nearly impossible for us ALL to get together and do something. I think people make more of an effort to go to a bachelor/bachelorette and its just a special time to hangout with a group thats close to you that probably wouldnt all be together otherwise.

It does come across as preachy, but I love that he stood by his own boundaries. This was apparently a surprise party, and it included things that he didn't want to do. Why should he go along with it? If someone made me a surprise party that included strippers I'd wonder if they even knew me.

My SO has done security at tons of these events, with both male and female strippers. His stories make me cringe. I think sometimes that people have no idea of what can actually happen. The dude has a point, most of what my SO has witnessed would NOT have been OK with the future spouses. He no longer does security in that industry.

@Jeanette, are you really not planning to have time alone with your friends after you're married? Your bachelorette party is really going to be "one of the last times" you get to be alone with your friends? Since we've been married, my husband and I both spend time alone with our own friends pretty regularly, we do fun things with our own groups like go to concerts, out to dinner, pro sports games, and other events and we are each planning weekends away with our own friends in the future. We also hang out all together on occasion as well. That is a really sad reason to have a bachelor/bachelorette party. You don't have to give up time alone with your friends just because you got married...???

Regardless, not all bachelor parties have strippers. My husband and his friends went to Tahoe for the weekend, went to a cigar bar, drank, and gambled a bit. Pretty tame. He thinks the idea of strippers is degrading af, and he just wanted to hang out with his best friends--not some random naked chicks they had to pay to hang out with them. I think it's slowly becoming the new thing to do something OTHER than strippers, like camping or going to a music festival or something like that. IMO, the idea of strippers is disrespectful to your FW and I hope that "tradition" dies out completely. It's archaic.

Meh. It sounds like he has crap friends that didn't consider what he wanted for his bachelor party. My FH and his guys are going to Vegas for a long weekend.

My girls and I are going out to dinner and drinks on a Saturday night and then tailgating the Eagles-Giants game on Sunday

If he can't keep his dick in his pants just because Temptation is in front of his face then he doesn't need to get married. Oh, and Temptation is a strippers name!

I hate sappy pat-on-the back posts like this. That is fine he decided not to go just like it is fine for the guys that do go. It doesn't mean he loves his finance more or less. Someone on my FB timeline made a post like this about not sending her child to daycare yesterday. Everyone makes different decisions, posts like this try to make other people feel bad for if they made a different decision.

His FB post reminds me of people who brag when they give to charity. He could have handled this differently and still respected his wife. I do think it's rude to not show up and it's curious that his besties didn't know him better.

I'm not a fan of the holier than thou tone. Bee and Miami2NorthernVa summed up my opinions. How would he know not to show up to a surprise bachelor party? Clearly there was previous communication. Perhaps his friends didn't listen to his wishes but this guy, willing to publicly put down his "friends'" marriages in a self congratulatory post, seems like just the guy who wouldn't be direct about this in person.

Interesting take! I guess it depends on the couple. We are having bachelor/bachelorette parties. FH is going on a weekend long motorcycle ride with his guys, and I'm going to a Thunder From Down Under show with my girls. We are very committed to each other. If he wanted to go to a strip club, I'd let him, because I trust him completely.

The first thing my fiance's best man did when planning the bachelor party was to call him up and ask, what do you want to do? So it's weird to me that somebody would plan a party in your honor and not take into account what you want to do. And for the record, not being ok with strippers doesn't mean you think your so is going to cheat or that you don't trust your so. I'm not ok with strip clubs because I think the majority of workers don't want to be there and lack of choices/bad circumstances are why they are there. I'd rather not contribute to that. Plus, watching someone take their clothes off for money isn't my idea of celebration, or my fiance's.

@Miami, was the sappy pat on the back comment directed at me for posting this?

I just saw it on fb and thought I'd share. I do think he was rude for not showing up but thought how he looked at it was different than other men.

That was stupid. You don't have to touch other women at your bachelor party, and TBH if I worked on planning a party as a groomsman and the groom ditched I would be so fucking pissed. Dude needs to get off his high horse.

It is an interesting perspective but I do not think he is right in not showing up, then calling out all his friends for what he perceived as inappropriate behavior. That was a straight dick move. If you didn't care for your friend's behavior at their bach bring it up to them, don't vaguely post about it on social media. I am all for both myself and FH enjoying a night with our friends. Both of us do not see it as our last hoorah as single people cause we are not single.

My experience is the ones that preach the loudest are the ones doing the dirt.

I totally get his point. Although I think lots are not like this. But lots are. Clearly he's in a friend group where this is the norm so I applaud him if he's being genuine and honest.

It's sad that in some groups this is the norm. It's not the norm in my group, and I think 80% seems too high , but there are guys who actively cheat and are inappropriate at their bachelor party, which is a shame that some bachelor parties have become this way