Absent Dad At it Again - Aita?

You are absolutely not the asshole. Your dad is. Sounds like he’s throwing a tantrum and that he only cares that it will look back on him if he’s not the one waking you down the aisle.
I think it might be best to keep going with another DJ.

You are NTA!!! Just like no one should feel obligated to have someone in their bridal party they aren't actually close to, you shouldn't feel bad about wanting someone else to walk you down the aisle when your dad was never really there for you. And he wasn't just not there for you, he took out his anger at your mom on you! That's not okay! Why would he even expect to be the one to walk you down the aisle with this history? Yes, it's a tradition for a father to walk his daughter down the aisle. But if the tradition doesn't fit you or your family dynamic you don't need to do it "just because it's tradition". NTA at all.

View Quoted Comment He’s definitely throwing a tantrum but I’m not budging. Thank You so much.

I might be in the minority but I am of the strong belief that if you don't have a relationship with someone or they are toxic and cruel toward you, then you are not obligated in any way to give into their emotional manipulation. That is what your father is doing. You made it clear there is no relationship, so the next step would be going permanent no contact. Abusive (including emotional abuse)/toxic people do not wake up one day out of the blue and flip a switch so they are no longer mean and cruel.

Skip tradition and stand your ground. You are not in the wrong. Find someone else to do these fatherly things with whom you are close to skip them entirely.

View Quoted Comment Good. I’d understand that he could be hurt if he raised you, but sounds like not only did he not raise you but he also was a horrible person to you.
Stand your ground.

View Quoted Comment That’s exactly how I feel! I’m kind of shocked that he was shocked because he doesn’t do any “only daughter” things at all! Thank You so much❤️

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Definitely going to stand my ground. This hasn't moved me to change my mind at all. He is performative rather than genuine and I've accepted and known that for a while. We really don't talk like that already so no contact will be no problem. Thank you so much.

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Exactly this! thank you!

In my own mother’s words, this man is not your father, he’s a sperm donor and little more. From what you’ve described, his absentee-ism removed him from any fatherly duties or obligations and while you still have a relationship with him, it is obviously fractured and not what you would expect (and want) from a parent-child relationship. I say this as someone who hasn’t spoken to my ‘dad’ in probably 8+ years and I have attachment trauma as a result of his absence in my childhood.

Your father is being incredibly immature about this and is carrying out with his expectations as though he is entitled to them. Even if he were in your life more and you closer to him, if you decided to have your son walk you down the aisle, or whoever, it is totally at your discretion who you have do this. In any event, in this scenario, he has not upheld his end of the parenting bargain but he now expects to reap the rewards as though he has. It’s all about give and take. The fact that you two do have somewhat of a relationship does not make up for the fact that you did not have the father growing up that you deserved. If he was so concerned about walking you down the aisle since you’re his “only girl” then he should have probably thought about being involved in raising and being a father to his “only girl”. NTA!

He replied to my text in a series of 10 text messages, each one worse than the next. He put down my mother, brought up my parenting, tried to say he didn't dislike me but proceeded to say he doesn't like loud women and that I choose to act like my mother whether I know it or not. It went from him saying he understands why I'm not having him walk me down the aisle because I don't like tradition to him asking for me to explain to him why I would walk down a traditional aisle with my son or even with my son (like I mentioned in my text). I ended up blocking him.

Thank You all for your kind words.

Hello Milada: AYTA? noooooooooooo!

I'm with you on this ! My fiancée wants to walk down the aisle alone.

She and her father have a good relationship (even though they are not close), they love each other but she doesn't want to be given away. Her dad is not happy but she made it clear that shes going to walk alone.

So I know where you are coming from!

Many brides want to walk down the aisle alone for 1 billion reasons, even when they are close to their parents.

Don't guilt trip yourself.

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Thank You so much for that, Fred. As of right now, we're not speaking and he is upset with me. I'm not changing my mind and I don't feel bad about it. Everything will work out.

Thanks for your reply