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Delaney
Dedicated April 2023

Absolutely in over my head with wedding planning

Delaney, on January 26, 2023 at 8:38 PM Posted in Planning 0 23

3 months out from the big day and I started planning a year ago so I am not one to wait on these things - I am a full time third year grad doctoral student, work part time, and have clinical work that fills my waking hours and have started to become very overwhelmed with planning. To top it off my maid of honor dropped because she realized she didn't want to make the effort to fly down for the big day anymore due to her new job after accepting the MOH position a year ago. I had asked nothing of her for assistance wise since she accepted the position as I knew she was busy with her job and adjustment there. She dropped this weekend with no apology so that was quite the shock for me. Guess I should have chosen my MOH more wisely.

Anyways, I really loved wedding planning up until this point. All of my family are too busy to assist unfortunately as we are all workaholics and they offer help but most they can do is design opinions which are still appreciated. My FH offers to help but is also in grad school and we are long distance so that adds to decision complications when it would be easier to just sit down together to do this. Why did I decide to get married in grad school you may ask? FH and I are both military so we wanted to ensure we were stationed together next year and after 4 years of dating knew we wanted to get married and love each other deeply so why wait if we can do it now. Had a school break that I had planned to make a lot of planning headway during but got super sick and was hospitalized with the flu so did minimal things during that time.

Now 3 months out I am juggling school, work (to pay for the wedding), and clinicals all while trying to keep my sanity. To make matters worse FH's grandmother is refusing to abide by our family color scheme request (literally any shade of blue) so that has added to my stress since it impacts what my grandmothers wear color wise because we were avoiding having one person sticking out in the family photos. Lastly, due to student budget we did not hire a wedding planner as ones in my area gave us estimates ranging from $1500-$2000 which is more than 10% of our entire wedding budget (small wedding). I thankfully have a family friend who loves wedding planning and coordination who offered to assist day of so at least I can rest easy about the day itself - now the hard part is getting there with all the To Dos left. Sorry for rambling but I am under a lot of stress and recently my FH and I have gotten into more arguments because I can't hold my temper over issues that arise and I love him and he has offered to help some but he struggles with time management sometimes, so it is hard for him always to keep up with the never ending to do list and most of what is left is finalizing design, wedding cake etc. that is more my forte. AH! I need a glass of wine! I am starting to see there is just not enough time in the day and am worrying that the wedding will not be done in time for the day we have set and am worried it just won't come together the way we had hoped since there is so much left to do and I have no clue how it will get done without me losing sleep (already getting 4-5 hours nightly). On the plus side I am making time for self care because I would probably be headed down a war path if I did not expel that inner turmoil through exercise ever so often.

I guess to summarize I am seeking any advice especially from those who planned their own wedding? Thank you!

23 Comments

Latest activity by Delaney, on April 11, 2023 at 8:29 AM
  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    Thank you so much! Smiley smile

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  • Michael
    Rockstar October 2023
    Michael ·
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    Are there shortcuts you can take where maybe you can skip some options? Go barebones in the preparation. The help people give here may depend on where you are in the preparation process. Too bad there are not normally volunteers popping in here. lol.

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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I planned my wedding during my clinical psych doctorate, and it was rough. One thing I’d suggest is thinking about things that are on the “must do” list and what isn’t. For instance, things like a family color scheme are typically not a thing and it is often rude to dictate what guests wear. They do not need to be coordinated, and they are not the bridal party. Especially given some people are resistant (and many others are probably quietly muttering under their breath but going along with it anyway), I would drop it and focus your limited attention elsewhere.


    Most people don’t hire full wedding planners. Make a list of all the things that still need to be done, organize it by priority, and focus on one at a time. Also, brides often get caught up in all the minor details of decor and design, and the average wedding guest doesn’t pay any attention. Step back and think about all the weddings you’ve been to….do you remember the table cloth colors or what the wedding cake looked like? Probably not. You may remember how the food tasted and if the cake was good, but those design details are not something to fret over. Good enough is really the name of the game, especially given all the other educational and professional responsibilities you have.
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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed. You're not alone. Decision fatigue is real. Grad school chronic insomnia (if this is you) rage episodes are real. I am a Director of Ops and was heavily annoyed my wedding challenged me emotionally (planned in 5 months). If my husband was a paid employee, I would have fired him long ago. smh.

    For your last few months, eliminate anything that does not serve. Be intentional with your time, as you are with everything else.

    - Cut out paper things: signage, menus, ceremony programs. Send out escort cards to your printing company. Nix a seating chart as it creates a funnel neck.

    - Leave your vendors to do their creative best, e.g. florists to handle decor, bartenders to serve any drinks (no specialty cocktails are needed).

    - Attend a cake tasting with a friend as a fun social outting- 1 hr. Book before the day ends. If you buy a small cake, someone will have to pick this up and the sheet cake in the back and that's hassles in logistics.

    - Any other decor, take a picture of what you want and delegate to hired vendors. Purchase and label travel containers.

    - Alteration appointments will be set by your seamstress/ tailor. Attend.

    - Download sample schedules of the day to serve as template.

    - Pay remaining balances.

    - Assign partner to call anyone who hasn't RSVP'd. Give final number 1-2 wks to venue or when they ask.

    - Assign partner to give band or DJ any special song requests.

    - Use the WW timeline and your calendar for meetings, and don't second guess yourself. You got this!

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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    One way to get into your wedding is to book a makeup trial. Talk out all your feelings with your MUA. The process is fun, and it may just start to finally feel real. 2 hrs + commute time. Best wishes!

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  • Tinesha
    Just Said Yes August 2025
    Tinesha ·
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    Here for the comments love because shesh this is stressful 😭 Congratulations though even though I don’t know you I am proud of you for being almost done with your doctorate ❤️
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  • Caryn
    Devoted November 2023
    Caryn ·
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    I agree with Michelle that there is so much you can cut that only you would notice. Think about what you have cared about/noticed at other people's weddings. I'm guessing it wasn't the printed program or the favors you likely left behind. This is supposed to be a celebration of your love, not something that causes insomnia and tension with your FH. Your guests are much more likely to notice a frazzled bride who's losing her hair to stress than the lack of menu cards or a grandma wearing yellow. Breathe. You've got this!

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  • G
    Just Said Yes August 2022
    Gabrielle ·
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    Where are you located? I live in New York -- I used the BEST planner , call her Marisa Nicoletti 914 527 5122 Even to just answer a few questions, I'm sure she would help

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  • Michael
    Rockstar October 2023
    Michael ·
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    You may want to send this as a personal message to Delaney.

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  • A
    Anthony ·
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    You may possibly use to bypass some options? Spare no expense in the preparation. Where you are in the preparation process may affect how much assistance you receive here . It is unfortunate that volunteers do not frequently stop by.

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  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    Thank you Hannah! I am in my psych doctorate as well! I understand your points and appreciate them! We asked immediate family for the color scheme (really just asking them to please wear a shade of blue) as they have special parts in the wedding. We try not to dictate what others wear but were told that would help everyone feel special.
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  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    Thank you! We may have to shortcut some things

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  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    Thank you Michelle for all the advice!

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  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    Thank you so much Smiley heart

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  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    Thank you! I have actually never been to a wedding before, so my own wedding will be my first. Your points are still valid though!

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  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    Thank you so much! Sadly, I am in FL

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  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    Thank you, good idea!

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I think you need to consider letting go of telling people to wear a certain colour. That is often not received well as you can see from the pushback by your grandmother. This trend is new, and it is really considered a faux pas to dictate clothing choices to adults.

    In other areas, Michelle has given great advice. Good luck with your planning!

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  • Paige
    VIP October 2022
    Paige ·
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    The last few month are for sure the craziest! I'd list out everything that you need to get done from now until you walk down the aisle, and delegate them to "things you need to do" "things you can ask other people to do (and expect they'll actually get it done)" and "things you can forget about." We didn't have a wedding planner, but our month-of coordinator was a godsend in getting us from the last month or so to the finish line. Maybe ask your friend who's serving as your coordinator if she'd be able to field calls with vendors to finalize details, put together a timeline, and things of that nature.

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  • Delaney
    Dedicated April 2023
    Delaney ·
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    Thank you, I agree! I appreciate your advice!

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