Accepting gifts

This is what we put on our website. Your presence at our wedding is all that we wish for. However, if you want to give a gift, we will be grateful for a monetary donation towards planning our future together. It is not implied with my family, because they will try to bring us china, toasters, and a whole bunch of things we don't need. I already told my coworker thank you but no thank you, but they really want to send a gift.

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Ok, so they want to send a gift - is it just the logistics of receiving the gift that is the issue? Do these people live near you? Maybe I'm overthinking what you're asking.

If they confirmed that they want to send you money, it can be as simple as sending a card with the money already in it or transferring money from one account to another via Zelle, or just meeting up with you to give you the card.

Hopefully that helps...? lol

If someone wants to send you a gift that’s their prerogative. I had two people send me a gift that weren’t invited (they knew they weren’t). Just be gracious and say thank you. If they are asking you what you want, just tell them you’re not registered so it’s up to them. You can always return it.

Im a big believer in not asking for money but hey, it’s your wedding.

Come on people, who really comes to a wedding emptied handed? If I say nothing, I get a bunch of calls, text, and emails about what we want. If I register for what I really want (things I do not except people to buy, because they are expensive), then I'm being rude. So clearly stating, come enjoy yourself and if you feel like giving something, give $, nothing is wrong with this. They can give a toaster if they want, but then I have to find the time to donate or return.

The proper way to do it is just not register anywhere and people will get the clue. If they don't get it and still ask, you simply say "We didnt register anywhere. Please just join us for our wedding day, no gift is needed." and return the toaster that they give you. Its the polite way to handle things.

Just accept and send a thank you card.

You shouldn't be asking for any kind of gifts though. I would take that down asap..

Yeah, we will definitely send thank you cards. Since it's our wedding, asking for momentary gifts is the same as registering somewhere and putting a link on your website. The money you would spend on the gift, just give $ instead, if my guest feel like it.

As a follow up to my actual question. I just advised my coworker we did not register anywhere because we got a lot of things when we had our housewarming.

View Quoted Comment I am with you. I wouldn’t mind at all to gift a lovely friend with money. I am registered at the same website and the money is towards our honey moon. And I am fine with people donating or not.
For those not invited that asked me for the register, I sent the link for the page. Everyone is fine about it. And I am sure some people won’t give anything. And I am also sure I am still going to get some house stuff that I don’t need. Good luck there!!

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"Everyone is fine about it." ... to your face.

Asking for money is exceptionally rude. I would take that off of your page. People will get it. The best thing to do in this scenario is so make a very small registry for the people who insist on a physical gift. I have never heard of anyone on this site who has had a small or no registry being hounded by their guests asking about what they want.

The quote on the website would not bother me at all as a guest, but popular opinion here is that it is rude. I would take the advice of the masses and take it down off the site.

To your question, simply send them a thoughtful thank you card. It's very nice to want to send a gift when you are not invited to the actual wedding.

What the quote on your website says to me is "if you come to the wedding, bring cash. Don't bring anything else." That's a turn off.

Maybe register on Zola or a site that has the ability to collect for a honeymoon fund, home reno, experiences ( local sports game, museum, tour, etc). I dont see anything with requesting monetary gift instead of a bunch of items you don't need.

I wouldn't ask for money, even wording it the way you did. And I wouldn't worry about uninvited people getting you a gift, just thank them the way you would anyone else.

Accept the gift and return a thank you is all you need to do.

As for as suggesting a monetary gift, you're fine. Majority of people here will tell you it's rude; at the end of the day, you know your crowd and whether or not they will think it's rude (to your face or otherwise, as everyone here likes to point out). I don't think people realize that social etiquette changes as the times do. What was considered rude 10-20 years ago might not be now. Heck, traditionally in my culture, wedding guests specifically only give money as a gift to the bride and groom - a wedding registry would be considered weird to my family members. And the rest of the guest like would be comprised of like-minded friends who don't think that a monetary gift over a registry is rude. Just know your audience.

Make a small registry for the people who want to get you gifts or just accept that they’re going to get you whatever they want. This isn’t hard.

👏👏@Sophia, well said. Totally, agree. The people we invited are our close family and friends and in both my FH and my culture it is customary to give money. We actually have to do money shots during our reception.

Please explain what a money shot is?

Also, you have now said that in your culture is customary to give money. You also stated that people will bring you china and toasters that you don't need. So which is it? If it's cultural tradition that people give you money, you shouldn't have to ask for it.

Make a small registry, with things like nice new towels, bed sheets, and some kitchen stuff. Everybody can use some new spatulas or knives, At least then you can pick out the stuff you like, and the people from your culture that would traditionally give money anyway will do that without being asked.

View Quoted Comment This. All the naysayers about asking for money have never really reasoned why having a regustry is acceptable but asking for money, not. It's essentially the same thing.

View Quoted Comment This has been said on these forums over and over. A registry is a guide for gift-giving, it lets people who want to get a gift know what you want so that you don’t get repeat items or items that don’t match your home or fit your style. You don’t ask for money because a) literally everyone knows you would like money and b) you can’t get repeat money or money you already have or money you don’t like. A money registry would essentially be saying you want 10 20s, 20 10s, 10 5s, and 30 checks.

If they are sending gift on their own then that their prerogative. Honestly make sure you thank them though.