Accepting vs declining invitations and gifts

I do not automatically give a gift or a card if I have to decline. It is really determined on how close to the couple I am. Friends from college I go on vacation with every year despite living on opposite ends of the country. Yes, I will give a gift regardless. 1st Cousin on my husbands side that we see twice a year and the only conversation they have is hi and nice to see you. No.

If I am super close to the couple, I may give a reason not to attend. For example two really good friends are getting married a month and a half apart, both are out of town weddings for me. I'm in FL, and there's is in NC and NH. Both require flights and PTO. I had every intention on going to both, however, my life circumstances changed, and my company does not offer maternity leave. I can no longer afford to go to either. I have to save what I can to take unpaid FMLA and short term disability (super reduced pay check). I still send gifts toward their honeyfunds, but we could not even justify one of use going, let alone two people. Only one of them rolled their eyes at me, but I still need to be able to afford my house later this year.

I have also been raised to send something for every invite and announcement I receive in the mail from graduations, to baptisms, weddings, showers, etc. even if I am not going to the function, and I personally find it a little ridiculous that that is the expectation in my circle regardless of closeness. At that point people just send them to everyone in hopes of receiving gifts.

I give a gift no matter what upon receiving a formal invitation, but the amount varies depending on my closeness to the couple and what my financial circumstances are at the time. And really the same with declines. If it’s someone who I think would be a bit surprised that I’m not attending, I tell them why. Otherwise I just follow the RSVP instructions and decline.

Gifts are supposed to come from genuine sentiment, not obligation. That said, I can't think of a wedding invitation I've received where the relationship was such that I wouldn't feel motivated to send some kind of gift. For me, the amount depends on the relationship and has nothing to do with whether we are able to attend or not.

We would always travel for anyone close and unless there was a conflict used to attend most local weddings we were invited to too. In the few past years, we have turned down a number invitations that we might have accepted at one time, including a huge wedding not too long ago where a large number of guests ended up with Covid. I would most likely turn down a destination wedding with the exception of immediate family.

We attend most weddings we are invited to, unless they require travel and our closeness to the couple doesn't equal the time/money that would be needed to attend. I always give a gift, no matter what. I wouldn't decline an invite to a wedding of someone I'm very close to, so I would say we spend <$50 on a gift from their registry if we decline. For attended weddings, the amount we give is really dependent on the closeness to the couple (friends, vs siblings, vs colleages, etc.)

Most of the weddings I've attended have been close friends or family with no registries. My husband and I give $500, or more if close family. If the couple had a courthouse wedding or eloped, we would gift based on the closeness of the relationship as a token of good wishes for their marriage (~$300). I would decline weddings if the invite was obviously obligatory and there is no real relationship. But, we are not part of circles that invite more people to get gifts so haven't really put that into action. When I was younger and single, I rarely gifted at destination weddings because I wouldn't have much money after all the expenses, maybe $100.