Addressing Wedding Invitations for Polyamorous People

We're not really sure how to address the envelopes, how many people to include, and where to cut it off.

Allowing each guest only 1 partner will be hurtful to some of our guests as it sticks with the societal expectation that each person have only one partner and negate the fact that our guests have multiple important people in their lives.

How would you handle this? How far to invite? How to address invitations (especially in the complicated situation above)?

I would ask your friends which/how many of their partners they'd prefer to bring. I'm not in a poly relationship, so this might be a dumb question, but does your friend regularly go to events with all three partners?

I definitely don't think you need to invite partners of partners, that's too much. You also don't have to invite kids if you're looking to cut down a guest list.

ETA: To address the envelope, you'd send one invite to the household, with all the adult's names, if you just want adults. If you want the kids, I'd do two lines of names; one with the friends names with "and family", and another line with the other partner's names. You typically send invites to couples that live apart to the home of the person you're closest with, which would be your friends.

We are definitely inviting children. I think children belong at a wedding and I don't want mine to be the only one there.

Yes, polyamorous people typically bring all their partners who can/want to attend social events as long as it's not going to cause major issues. That's the main reason we can't just give them a plus one- that's how they get invalidated everywhere else.

So how many invitations would you send in the example above? Just one to the friends and have them notify their other partners? One to the friends and one to each partner? One to Husband + girlfriend, one to Wife + non live in partner & other boyfriend, & family? Or do the other adults require their own?

Just one to the friends and have them notify the partners. It would be just like sending an invite addressed to your cousin and their partner who don't live together, you'd only send one to the cousin since that's who you're closest to, and they'd notify their partner. Yours just has more people.

I'd just be sure to explicitly spell out the names of the adults you're inviting, to limit it to your friends and their partners.

Jeeze

@Kay, Jeeze what?

I honestly don't know the protocol on this but I love that you are a supportive and accepting friend and are looking to do right by your friends!! I think maybe the best thing to do may be to ask them. Tell the person in the relationship that you're closest to that you would like to invite them with whoever it is they want there, and you're trying to finalize your guest list and ask them who they would like on the invitation. Each friend in a nontraditional relationship may have a different preference and they may appreciate you not assuming one way or another who to address it to

Susan, I commend you for being so concerned about your friends, and creating a welcoming environment for everyone.

I hope Kay's response got cut off or something, and she didn't mean that how it came across...

Anyway, this is one of those situations where I'm not sure you will find an exact answer, but like a PP mentioned, I think the first place to start is to talk to each of your friends to see which/how many of their partners they even want to bring and go from there!

Honestly I would just ask what they would prefer, as long as you have the budget to accommodate the different configurations. Some might prefer to bring one of their partners, while other might want to bring multiple/all. I probably would not extend an invite to partners of partners though unless you have excess money to burn.

I'm not exactly sure, but I wouldn't invite the partner of the partner. I'd only invite my friend and their partners.

I have absolutely no idea. I just wanted to applaud you for being such a wonderful and thoughtful friend!

I think you should figure out your budget, then subsequent headcount and go from there. It's great that you are open to inviting as many people exist in these relationships...but just be sure you have it in your budget. 9-12 people for us would be an extra $1350-$1800 for us, then multiply that for how many people you know that are in those relationships. For us, this wouldn't be doable.

Huge kudos for being so thoughtful!

I think Rachel's advice is bang on.

I'll echo PP and say, especially in this case, that you really just need to ask. I think just by what you have told us that you are very supportive, so they would take it as it is and understand you are really just trying to figure out exactly who to invite.

Good luck, and thank you for being such a good and thoughtful friend.

If you can afford it, I think the married couple, children, and other partners is great. Partners of partners don't need to be included. As others have suggested, if your budget doesn't allow for accommodating all, then just ask them what they would prefer. One invitation is fine, as long as it's clear who all it includes.

I echo PP, I think just asking them is probably the best way to go.

I also really applaud you for being so inclusive and supportive! I love it! You are an amazing friend to say the least.

Talk to your friends. They are the ones who can tell you who they consider to be a part of their social unit and it is likely to be different for each.