Advice for a Fh's friendship drama caused by mine...

Yikes. I think you need to go get on your knees and beg for forgiveness on behalf of your FH, but this might be a lost cause.


Can you clarify why you kicked her out? Like you said it's a big bridge burner and really humiliating. I can see why she's having trouble getting over it, and at the end of the day Josh has more allegiance to Liz than to your FH

As long as your FH is totally fine with the friendship being over, he can ask him to just attend as a guest. Be prepared that he may not attend at all. Whether you felt justified in removing his FW from the wedding or not, obviously her feelings would be hurt by that. And whether there was hope their friendship would survive beyond that or not, he’s allowed to take the side of the woman he’s about to marry.

Unfortunately, this is very common when you remove someone from your wedding especially if they are part of a friend group or are in a relationship with someone else in the bridal party. Sadly, I don't know as if there is really anything that can be done at this point. My guess is Josh won't want to be in the wedding anyways or even attend.

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I'm absolutely not begging for anything. My kicking her out of the wedding was a result of a laundry list of things that were done to me for months. I don't regret kicking her out at all. I think I just wasn't aware of the gravity of kicking someone out and how much anger and tension it caused. I know that now, but I still don't regret kicking her out.

I totally agree that her FH SHOULD be on her side no matter what! I would expect the same thing from mine. I think my fiancé is just in a tough spot with his friendship. He takes my side, completely. As he should, and as her fiancé should for her. He is just kind of stuck on what to do because of the constant downfall of this situation. He doesn't think it makes a ton of sense to have him in the wedding when no one is even really on speaking terms, as I'm sure his friend is thinking too. We just don't know how to go about it.

I'm not sure what your reasons were for removing Liz as a bridesmaid (I'm sure your reasons were valid), but it is typically a friendship-ending move. Is Josh still a groomsman in your wedding? Even though the guys agreed that it wouldn't affect their friendship, I understand why Josh is putting Liz first (just as you would probably expect your fiance to put you first if the roles were reversed). By removing Liz and effectively ending your friendship with her, I wouldn't expect them to invite you and your fiance to their wedding. If you were hoping to try to salvage the friendship, you could always reach out to them and offer to sit down and talk things out, though your friendship might not fully return to where it was before.

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My FH doesn't want that at all. He just isn't sure what to do. This friend is a groomsmen, but is hardly on speaking terms with my fiancé. Which is totally due to my and Liz's issues, but he thinks it's a huge elephant in the corner and that is should be addressed somehow.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I mean then just kick him out and call the friendship done

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Hey Lisa! Yes, Josh is still in our wedding. And I have attempted to discuss things with Liz several times, even for the sole purpose of salvaging the guys' friendship but she has no interest.

I absolutely expect him to side with her either way, as I do my fiancé. At this point, it's more of a concern for the guys. Nothing else has happened with her and I since the falling out when I removed her, except for my making several attempts to sit down and talk to squash any kind of heavy tension that may cause deeper issues with the guys -- but things are progressively getting worse

View Quoted Comment I don’t know how you address it without opening up the potential for the end of the friendship though. They feel like you made the wrong decision, which led to a lot of hurt feelings, and I doubt anything you or your FH say is going to change that.

Your FH should reach out to Josh directly and figure out what to do. Does your FH still want Josh as a groomsman? To attend the wedding? Does Josh want either?


If your FH kicks Josh out, consiser that bridge burned forever. If Josh wants to step down in solidarity with his Liz, both of you should take that as graciously as possible.

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My fiancé does want Josh in our wedding. We aren't entirely sure about Josh's stance because they've kind of ceased most of their communication over the past few weeks, other than work. I think things are just awkward and messy because of Liz and I and the guys are just avoiding the conversation. I totally agree with the last part entirely.

Never ever assume no matter your relationship with your bridesmaids partner is that the partner is just going to be cool with you demoting and hurting their significant others feelings. They are a team and when you lose one half of the couple as friends it's safe to say that in 90% of these cases you lose the other half as well. And if it's a couple that you and your fiance are couple friends with then you both lose the friendship with them both.


Unfortunately the damage has already been done. No matter how much you beg and pled for forgiveness it will never be the same. I think it's safe to say to just move on and don't let it bother you and don't let it ruin what you have with your fiance. I'd also sit down with your fiance and see how important this guy is to him and also see if he has your back. I'm not saying to make him pick a side by any means, I'm just saying see if he thinks what you did was right. And if he supports your decision.

While lots of couples do have friendships not in common, if there is open hostility, it’s just too much to bear with for most people. I know if there’s any drama amount friends I just bow out - I have enough challenges in my life, I don’t need my friends to be at adding to it.
Many years ago a couple that my then husband was friends with for several months before I relocated - I was in late pregnancy when he was transferred and still in the Army - the wife took a strong dislike to me. She had a lot of personal pain - she had given up custody of her kids to her ex so she could come with her new husband to an overseas assignment. I showed up with a new baby, and she was so angry. The group was small, and she caused several scenes when I was around. I ended up not going to any social gatherings when she was there, and thankfully was able to make friends with the older wives. I was 25 hanging out with women in their 40s and 50s but it was actually really nice. I had a bunch of mom figures.
It was big strain on my marriage, though. My ex got to be “single” with his friends, going to clubs, etc. He had trouble adjusting to “boring” family in a way. I made a big story here LOLShort version - it’s hard for couple to have smooth relationships if there is real animosity.

View Quoted Comment I'm sorry to hear that you weren't able to talk things out with Liz! What are your fiance's thoughts? Does he still want Josh in the wedding party and/or does he still want a friendship with him?

If he still wants Josh as a groomsman, maybe the two guys could meet up from time to time to try to restore their friendship to where it was before. Your fiance could also talk to Josh again to reiterate that he still wants to maintain their friendship, and he'd like to still have him be a groomsman. He could also ask Josh for his thoughts and concerns, and the two guys could try to talk things out themselves so that they can continue their friendship with as little drama/tension as possible.

If he doesn't want Josh in the wedding party anymore (and also doesn't want to still be friends with him), he could have a conversation with him to say something along the lines of, "With all the tension and drama that's happened, it might be better if you attend our wedding as a guest instead of a groomsman."

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Totally get the first part. The only thing is, I'm not looking to beg for anything. I don't have any interest in mine and Liz's friendship being reconciled. My fiancé backs me on that, too. My concern is simply with my fiancé and his friend. And my reaching out has been for the sake of that, solely. When I have reached out to Liz, I have made a point to say that the guys don't need to have the tension. That's the main thing right now!

Unfortunately, the damage has been done at this point and I'm not sure if there is any way for their friendship to be salvaged. There is rarely ever a truly good reason to kick someone out of a bridal party, and as you have found out, it is absolutely a friendship ending move. They are likely holding both you and your fiance responsible for hurting Liz since it was because of your wedding and your fiance supports your choice. Unfortunately for your fiance, your choice has resulted in him being hurt.

View Quoted Comment I think the “rarely a truly good reason to kick someone out of a bridal party” statement is a little ignorant. I’ve chosen to not plaster ALL of my business on here, some details are necessary to seek advice in this case, but I assure you my reasoning was a truly good one, and one my fiancé and friends stand by me on it. That’s not what I’m seeking advice on.


Thanks for the so helpful advice!

View Quoted Comment Honestly if that was my relationship on either parts I would not have him in the wedding anymore, and he probably wouldn’t want to be. It sounds like the friendship is over. Also, are you not bothered that they have proceeded to block you on everything and be completely unfriendly while still being friends with your fiancé? I would have an issue with that and probably wouldn’t want them anywhere near my wedding day

View Quoted Comment I also agree with you mk, there are quite a few reasons that people are totally justified in removing someone from their wedding party. Just from being on here and experiencing a few situations myself I can say that wedding really do show people's true colors. And sometimes the couple getting married has to make a difficult decisions to no longer proceed with certain wedding party members.


But I do agree with another person that both Liz and Josh are probably putting the blame on the both of you. And seeing as your fiance supports your decision Josh has seemingly stepped back from his friendship with your fiance in support of his own fiance. I'd maybe have your fiance sit one on one with Josh and try to have a heart to heart with him. And maybe see if they can get on the same page. It's really a tough road to be on, I know cause I been there twice with to of my exs. But as long as you both have each other's backs I'm sure you will figure out how to work through this situation. Best of luck hopefully everything works out well.

At the end of the day, Josh's loyalty is always going to be with Liz, as it should be. Your FH absolutely should not ask if he is invited to the wedding. If they want to invite him, they will. Otherwise he will just have to realize that this is one of the results of your and Liz's falling out. Just like you had every right to ask Liz to step down, they have every right not to invite you guys. It really sucks, and I'm sorry that you have to deal with these consequences.


As for Josh being a groomsman, your FH needs to sit down and have a hard conversation with him. Unfortunately the ball is in Josh's court there too and your FH needs to know where he stands.