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Devoted July 2020

Advice for Sister in Law

Christina, on July 23, 2020 at 12:05 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

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In two days I marry my best friend. I can not wait ! I am having a virtual wedding with only mu parents his parents and siblings physically present. Ten people total. My own brothers will not be at my wedding because of the military and one has special needs and requires someone attend to him and due to Covid restrictions his group home won’t let him (I get it)

The day I called off nah wedding she texted me asking me 100 questions about my wedding. I politely told her I’m going through a lot right now and I don’t know my next steps I understand your concerned about you health but It literally just happened.
Then we decide to do a zoom wedding and I made it clear to her that she does not have to come. Her husband is my FH brother and i think she feels like she’s being dragged to my wedding BUT again I told her I’m not going to offended and do what’s best for you.
They are coming. She has made very mean comments about my wedding, “itis just a last name you can change it next year” and “I’m a mom, your not a mom yet so you don’t get my fear” all of these comments to be honest I have walked away or said nothing. I haven’t addressed her, maybe I should have but I feel these comments are to pick a fight.
I truthfully don’t want to see her , but she’s my sister in law and I have to deal with it.
Ive thought about to explaining to her my reasons for going on with my wedding but I don’t think I owe her that. I think I’m making a good decision and again I told her she didn’t have to come.
Any advice on how to not get upset when I see her on Saturday ? Good mantras ? Quotes ?

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Christina, on July 24, 2020 at 8:49 PM

Master July 2019
Hannah · on July 23, 2020 at 12:16 AM
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You've already told her that it is entirely her choice to come or not come. I would honestly just ignore her and move on. If she truly felt like going would be unsafe for her and her children, she can attend via Zoom. It kind of sounds like she's just angling to attention.
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VIP December 2021
mrswinteriscoming · on July 23, 2020 at 1:04 AM
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Oh dear, OP I feel for you girl, your FSIL sounds like a pain in the backside! To be honest, I would talk to her in advance about it and tell her that she is one of ten people who will be present at your wedding and that you would appreciate if she refrained from making any negative comments that would ruin your special day. If she hits back or asks further questions, tell her you don’t need to justify anything to her and if she wants to be present, she needs to be respectful of your decision and that it is your wedding day!

It might not be the way you actually go about it, I just know that would put me at ease. On the day I would not give a rat’s a*s about her and pretend she isn’t there. Don’t let her put a dampener on your day, especially since she is 10% of the guest list! If you worry about it, it’ll ruin the day for you. Remember, you can’t please everybody so you might as well try to ensure you are happy!
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Super June 2020
Renee · on July 23, 2020 at 1:32 AM
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I would agree with her kindly and insist that she doesn’t come for the safety of her children. I can only imagine the h*ll she is going to raise if something were to happen. Do yourself and your sanity a favor and demand she not come. Express your concerns to her husband, you fiancé and everyone else. Let her know you are utterly worried for her safety and her coming would be anxiety provoking. Then hopefully she won’t come and you won’t have to deal with it. Problem solved? If only it were that easy... lol
But in all seriousness, I would think about sitting her down and explaining to her, that she shouldn’t come if she’s going to nag all day. Good luck to you.
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Super June 2020
Renee · on July 23, 2020 at 1:32 AM
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Didn’t come* stupid iPhone.
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Master October 2020
Margaret · on July 23, 2020 at 6:51 AM
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I think you just have to confront her in front of your FBIL and state, I understand your concerns and again, I promise you we will not be upset if you choose not to be present. YOUR HEALTH and your family's health is of our utmost concern, please do not put yourself in a situation you are uncomfortable with. And let your FILs know the same thing. It's very possible that your FILs are the ones putting the pressure on her to be present. (I only say that because we've made it clear to my FBILs that while we'd love them all there, they don't have to - it's my FMIL that's putting the pressure on my FHs brothers to be present).
I think for your mental well-being you just need to get it out there and hopefully she'll calm down otherwise it sounds like she likes drama and just wants to be THAT PERSON (which every family has)
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on July 23, 2020 at 10:54 AM
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Your FH needs to talk to his brother about this and tell her to quit complaining or don't come.
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Devoted June 2021
Chelsea G · on July 23, 2020 at 12:06 PM
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Agreed with PP that FH needs to have a talk with her. If you told her it's okay if she can not attend and no hard feelings then I'm not sure what the problem is. And I feel is she does get sick and attended even if it wasn't from the wedding you'll never hear the end of it.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on July 23, 2020 at 1:46 PM
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Just ignore it. You can have your fiance call his brother too and explain it's probably better if she doesn't come if she is scared to go.
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VIP August 2020
· on July 24, 2020 at 7:40 PM
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If you're close with your fmil or anyone else in your FH's family, either you or he can have a conversation with that person tonight, asking them to keep an eye on her so you don't get stuck talking to her. Also if there's any way you can get the message across to everyone who will be there that you are not available for anyone's negative comments tomorrow, that would be a good thing to do.
I hope you get as much time to sleep/relax/do whatever tonight so you can have a wonderful day tomorrow!
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