Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Advice: i feel so lost in my relationship

L, on November 17, 2021 at 3:19 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Hi everyone,
I am seeking some advice. I feel like I am probably just feeling some sort of way this month but just want to get someone’s insight.

I’ve been with the love of my life for 4 years going on to 5. We have a baby together and have this beautiful home. We talked about marriage once but I can’t even remember who brought it up. I’ve been feeling some sort of way that each year that goes by and still no proposal.
I very playful and here and there I’ll send memes about marriage. But I try to avoid doing it because I don’t want him to feel pressured I want him to do it because he loves me and he’s ready. Problem is I can’t even make it to freaking girlfriend stage which is what’s bugging me.
I unexpectedly got pregnant and I told him he didn’t need to be involved in the pregnancy but I just wanted him to know. Well we had a long convo there and a few months later he just moved in with me and we took it from there. He’s an amazing dad to our baby and amazing person to my son. We’ve had some rocky roads but we managed to surpass our obstacles. We bought a home so the kids had a home to grow up in.
Recently I have been questioning if he actually loves me or if he just loves me as a friend and he’s worried we won’t last long. His reason for not asking me to be his girlfriend is because he’s too nervous. Okay I guess I understand. But we also talked about marriage several weeks ago but he just said sometime in the future. I am probably just being paranoid. I just want him to be upfront with me if is really afraid we might not last in the future. He has previously been married but divorced for quiet sometime now. So of course I think I am the problem and don’t know what to fix to better myself. Each day that goes by I get turned off by the idea of actually getting married. I don’t know if it’s me just being immature or if this is what others felt at some point. Any advice on what I should or can do would be greatly appreciated.

Flag
Hide content

6 Comments

Latest activity by Natalie, on November 17, 2021 at 8:27 PM

VIP May 2015
KiwiDerbyBride · on November 17, 2021 at 5:42 AM
Flag

Hide content
You have a baby together and bought a house together yet he doesn’t consider you his girlfriend? He’s too nervous to ask? Does he think you’ll say no? That’s beyond bizarre. You’re way past girlfriend stage - I would class you as partners. I would sit down and tell him you’d like to be married, and ask what “sometime in the future” means, what he’d like to achieve by then and what is holding him up. Stop dropping hints and tell him clearly what you want.
- Reply
Super May 2019
KYLIE · on November 17, 2021 at 7:29 AM
Flag

Hide content
I’m sorry but the “too nervous” to “ask” you to be his girlfriend excuse went by the wayside in middle school. You are raising children together and own a home together. You are life partners. What you aren’t is married and if he hasn’t asked you yet, unfortunately the odds aren’t great that he will. You should take control over your life and sit him down like adults and explain clearly and unemotionally that being married is important to you and you’d like to be engaged by x date. If he cannot propose by then (or you don’t propose to him, which is totally an option!), you need to have an exit plan in place to extricate yourself financially IF being married is more important than being with this man. If you’re fine being a non-girlfriend forever because you love him that much—that’s fine, but that’s not what it sounds like from your post.
He’s been married before. He knows how this works. If he hasn’t asked you/doesn’t ask it’s because he doesn’t want to, as harsh as that sounds. The “in the future” excuses are just buying him time as he lives this super comfortable existence with no real commitment.
- Reply
Master September 2019
Sarah · on November 17, 2021 at 8:03 AM
Flag

Hide content
It’s time to stop hinting and start openly communicating. You’ve been in some sort of relationship with this person for half a decade and your children are attached to him. You need to sit down and figure out the status of your relationship and your future because your children deserve that. Even if you end up deciding that not being a couple is best, scooting around the issues any longer is only going to bring more distress.
- Reply
Rockstar October 2023
Cece Online · on November 17, 2021 at 8:27 AM
Flag

Hide content
So sorry to say this, but him being “too nervous” to ask you to be his girlfriend is complete crap. The two of you have a child, own a home together, and have discussed marriage…. It’s beyond obvious you would say yes, so what exactly is making him “nervous”? It sounds like this guy is playing house. He is getting all the perks of being in a relationship, without actually making a commitment to you. And it doesn’t sound as though he has any plans to change that any time soon. He’s getting his cake and eating it too. And quite frankly, it’s disrespectful to you. You deserve, at the very least, the title of gf/committed (and faithful/exclusive) partner. You need to have an open, honest conversation with him about the future of your relationship and where you each see it going (and the timeframe for getting there). You’ve already put in 5 years and don’t even have the title of “girlfriend”! This guy is going to continue to drag his feet and string you along for as long as you let him.
- Reply
Super November 2021
Heather · on November 17, 2021 at 3:55 PM
Flag

Hide content
Exactly what Cece said!!
But on another note.. For being with someone this long where you:
1. Have children together
2. Bought a home together
But you aren't OFFICIAL seems off :/
If you truly feel as if he is the love of your life then he needs to also make you happy, not just him. The reason I say this is because you are playing by his rules when deep down in your heart you know you deserve more based on how you feel. It also seems as if you guys are lacking that communication with each other. Yes, you mentioned it, but it seems as if there was no real clarification because you know what you want and you want it now. He gave you hope to hold on to by saying "sometime in the future". Unfortunately that could be 5 years from now, 10 years from now, or for something drastic to really change his mind on the spot. And while you know what you want, do you know what he wants? Does he know what HE wants? Or does he already have it by having the kids and the home with no title attached? Was he traumatized from his previous relationship/marriage?
And one thing you also need to ask yourself is, "if you left now what do you have to lose?"
I really hope you two are able to work things out and communicate effectively and that you both are able to understand where you guys are both coming from.
- Reply

Super November 2020
Natalie · on November 17, 2021 at 8:27 PM
Flag

Hide content
I didn’t think too much about the lack of proposal until you mentioned that you haven’t even made it to “girlfriend” yet. I guess I’m confused on the overall dynamic here. Is this relationship romantic or are you essentially roommates co-parenting? Do you go on dates, etc.? Is it exclusive, or does he talk to other girls? How does he introduce you to others (his family, friends, coworkers, etc.)? While it is normal to date a long time before deciding on marriage, it is raising big red flags if he does not consider you his girlfriend and you are hoping for a ring. It sounds like an honest conversation is needed to ensure you are both on the same page!
- Reply

Do You Have a Twin Flame Relationship? Here's Your Ultimate Guide — Married Life Do You Have a Twin Flame Relationship? Here's Your Ultimate... You may have heard about something called a twin flame relationship, but what...

Married Life How To Develop Healthy Boundaries in Your Relationship Here's how to draw the line on unhealthy boundaries in your romantic...

Holidays Feel Like a Hassle? Here's How to Split Them Peacefully — Married Life Holidays Feel Like a Hassle? Here's How to Split Them... We promise you can keep your mom—and your mother-in-law—happy!

Post content has been hidden

Advice: i feel so lost in my relationship

6 Comments

Related articles