Advice needed on Dad situation

Some backstory: I have never been particularly close with my dad. He traveled for 2-3 weeks every month until I was about 12, and when he stopped his travel job he had gotten a second job, meaning he was virtually never available and would come home from work and go to work in his home office. He never attended a single recital or school open house, and missed out on getting to know me and what was important to me. I think he made it to one pageant (which he walked out of to take a call right before I walked) and he attended my graduations, but that’s it. He has never made an effort to talk to me other than scolding me or talking about finances in my adulthood, it has been 100% me making effort and receiving little from him. Basically, I feel like my dad is a bear stranger that I just happened to live with.

So, my FH and I did not feel it was necessary for FH to ask his hand in our marriage. This spurred an outpouring of anger which was then increased when my dad found out FH was not converting to Catholicism, nor was I practicing, nor were we getting married in the church or planning to raise future children as Catholics.

Not to mention he told me my bar MUST have a certain alcoholic beverage or he will bring in his own and risk me getting fined, he MUST be allowed to get ready in the grooms suite, we MUST buy the suite alcohol package, and we MUST allow him to walk me down the aisle, speak at the reception, and do the dance with me. He says this is a “small consolation” since I’ve “abandoned my religion and turned my back to him and our family traditions.” Which is utter BS because this man has done so much wrong to my mother and acts like one person at church and another at home. My parents aren’t paying for the wedding, my dad has said time and time again he was giving us X amount of money but just yesterday said they no longer are. He claims that allowing me to use my inheritance money is him paying but that is not his money, it was my moms’ fathers.

TL,DR: Dad is practically stranger, not close with me, yet has many expectations for my wedding.


Anyway, I’m sorry this post has gotten so long so I will cut to the chase. What would be the best way to go about telling my dad that I don’t want him waking me down the aisle without him accusing me of “disrespecting him” and “breaking his heart” again?