Advice needed: was i wrong to meddle in upcoming family wedding? World War 3 has broken out

Yes you were wrong. Stay out if it and cut the crap. Their wedding is NONE of your business.

I don't think what you did was necessarily wrong as you had the best intentions, but I do think you should just stay out of it from now on. Some people just don't have good relationships and it's not your job to try to mend them. It seems like something happened between them that you may not know the full story about, possibly before you were with your boyfriend. It also seems like if this were a big deal or if it were resolvable, Christian would play a part in trying to bring them together or involve his family more in his wedding. But for whatever reason he's not, so just let it be. Don't stir up more drama with something that has nothing to do with you.

You were 100% wrong. You can have whatever relationship you want with your boyfriend’s mom, but that doesn’t mean his brother’s soon to be wife is required to do the same. His family has expressed he shouldn’t be marrying her and you’re surprised they’re excluding those people from wedding prep? Why? Why would they want to include people who have told him not to marry her?

You were extremely wrong and you need to apologize. This is something that is between two adults and you decided to insert your self and make the situation worse.

Yes. You should stay out of it. Groomside folks, or couple's peers, often ha e showers of their own, separate from bride's family and friends. There is nothing wrong with bride side hosts having their own party and not inviting MOG. MOG was not invited to one 2 showers given by friends in different places, nor by family and hometown friends of mine, and no one thought it hostile. MOG threw her own shower for her side.
You accessing info you know was not for you, and telling Diane, was rude , gossipy. And there was no likely outcome other than starting trouble. Stop comparing yourself to her. And stop snitching to Diane. It is not your place to monitor or have any part in how she is received by her FI family. Stay out.

Yes, you were wrong. You need to stay out of it.

You were wrong. Based on what you said you acted childish and you need to start minding your own business. Stop meddling, own up to your mistake and apologise. That’s the only way forward.

I'm sorry this happening but yes you were wrong. This is there wedding and they are entitled to handle things there way. Just because you wouldn't handle things the way they are doesn't mean you should have taken things upon yourself. Put your self in her shoes. Not everyone can bond with others with ease. I'm sure you don't know her or her background to be so judgmental. This isn't your business or your place. How would you feel if this happened to you while your planning your wedding and enjoying your engagement. This isn't the time to cross more lines.

You were wrong. Good intentions, but none of your business. Stay out of it, there are three sides to every story: dianes, sashas and the truth.

Wow. That was a terrible thing for you to do. It paints the picture that you want to solidify your position as the “favorite” by increasing the distance and tension between those two women by doing what you did. You made the mistake you need to fix it. Like you said you have no idea what caused the initial rift between them and it could very well be your BFs mothers fault and even if it isn’t, it’s not your business. As someone who is shy and introverted after knowing my FHs family and friends for four years I still rather be with my family or alone. You can’t fault her for being who she is. That may be her personality. I think you need to reach out and apologize to both parties and do your best to bring them together at least to a point where they are cordial.

Yeah, you were 10000% in the wrong. Keep your nose out of others business.

That was wrong. Nosy, meddling, just plain wrong. Absolutely none of your business. Some may assume that you did this on purpose to further alienate Sasha and curry favor with Diane.

I wasn't trying to curry favor in the least or widen the gap. You are right, I have no idea what happened between Sasha and Diane, although I find it odd that in the whole family, extended and nuclear, even family friends, no one has anything good to say about Sasha.

I just wanted to give Diane a heads up so she would know ahead of time and wouldn't feel so hurt. I didn't want her blindsided. I don't approve of cruel behavior.

View Quoted Comment Not inviting someone who doesn’t like you to events that are intended for your nearest and dearest loved ones isn’t “cruel behavior.” It’s establishing boundaries, which is likely the only hope for Sasha and Christian to have a healthy marriage judging by how Diane is acting.

Hi Ava, I am going to go against the grain here and you were making attempts to be a peacemaker (I’m a peacemaker type too). It’s hard for people to apologize and sometimes a third party can help resolve issues for the betterment of all. I also sympathize with you wanting to protect Diane. It must be a horribly isolating feeling to not be included as Mother of the Groom at your own son’s wedding, regardless of what occurred, her feelings must be so hurt. I couldn’t imagine icing out my own mother or my husband’s mother like that for the wedding (outside of abuse).


I actually hold Christian responsible in this scenario as I would never tolerate my fiancé/husband to mistreat my family. Part of why I fell in love with him was his kindness towards my family. I’d be curious if the gender roles were reversed in this scenario (boyfriend never comes around, no effort to make nice with family, gets engaged and not allowing her family to be included) would we have a more concerned response and see a potential abuser isolating someone? My parents have certainly spoke to me about guys I dated in the past that did isolate me, tried to turn me against my family, was controlling, etc. My parents did urge me to get away (should’ve listened - found out the hard way on my own), so I understand family being concerned about this marriage.
You tried to help the situation, but sadly it will be up to Christian to make it right. I couldn’t imagine putting my now husband in that predicament, having to chose between me or his family. All the best to you ❤️

Yes, you were wrong. While I perhaps understand the good intentions towards Diane, inserting yourself squarely between Sasha and Diane is a bad move, and not your place nor responsibility. It's only made things worse. The best you can do is to be emotionally supportive of Diane, your boyfriend, and his family members, but don't meddle in other people's business.

Yeah I wouldve stayed out of this. If you have a good relationship with your boyfriends mother, thats great. Sasha and Diane will have to work out their own problems. By inserting yourself into other peoples drama you could end up hurting your relationship with your boyfriends family

Yeah, sorry but you were in the wrong. Sasha has every right to plan her wedding and pre wedding festivities how she pleases, especially if she and her fiancé or her family are the ones fitting the bill. It may not be inclusive but it’s her wedding, her journey. And if she has such an estranged relationship with her soon to be mother in law like you described, why would she want to have her at her girls trip when she would just want to feel comfortable. You said yourself you don’t know why they have a bad relationship, there could be much you don’t understand and only know one side of. As a planning bride, the stress of planning alone is stressful AF and the last thing I’d want around me is negative energy because this wedding planning journey will push you to limits sometimes and protecting your peace is all you can do. I understand you may have had best intentions, but it wasn’t your place or right.

"I told Sasha that she should extend an olive branch and Sasha told me it was none of my business"


Sasha unfortunately is right on this point. This is none of your business. Your husband should be handling any conflicts with his own family, and even then he probably shouldn't be involved because Sasha isn't his blood--thats his brother's job.
It seems like you're stirring the pot when you're not really involved and don't know the full story. I would apologize and stop being involved in this conflict in any way, shape, or form.

100% wrong, in multiple ways.

1: You have no place in the relationship between Sasha and Diane. Zero. Read that again. Z e r o. Is that clear enough for you? It doesn't matter how you feel about it. Your personal opinions on that relationship are irrelevant. It is none of your business and it never will be.

2: You ESPECIALLY had no right snooping in your boyfriend's email. I don't care one single bit that he "left it open." I've been with my husband twenty years and have never "accidentally read" any of his personal communications with other people. He has left open mail sitting out on our dining room table and I didn't read it, because it isn't mine. You chose to read it. You snooped. You did this on purpose. Period.

3. I'm not even going to fluff your feathers that you "had the best of intentions." You read PRIVATE communication that was not intended for you and that did not concern you, then ran and squawked to the party that would be most injured by the information. From where I'm standing, that looks like 100% malicious intent.

Not only should you never have read that email in the first place, and the moment you saw it was from your boyfriend's brother and about Diane you should have closed it, but after that line was crossed, you should have kept it to yourself. Then, if you really just could not stand biting your tongue and had to talk to someone about it, you should have talked to your boyfriend and that should have been the end of it. You NEVER should have gone to his mother. You had multiple opportunities to avoid causing this rift, and you chose not to. You were warned to stay out of it, that it is none of your business, and you did not heed any of it.

You have a big problem thinking you have the right to be in the middle of everything and everyone - between Diane and Sasha and apparently between your boyfriend and his brother, too. You would do best to learn to stay out of other people's relationships, and out of your boyfriend's email.