Advice: Offended friend over bach party offer?

She is definitely the one who crossed the line. The bride is not supposed to plan her own bachelorette party at all. She can say when she'd like to have it and maybe a theme, but other than that it's not up to her.
I wouldn't apologize to her because you did nothing wrong. It was a very nice offer and it doesn't make it so her wedding is about you?
What a bridezilla...

Honestly I think your bride friend is the rude one in this situation. Normally the bridesmaids do plan the bachelorette and the fact that she tried to spin it saying you were trying to make things about you would completely deter me from even attending her wedding if it was me.

I wouldn't apologize, she's acting like a crazy person. In no world is it traditional or expected for the bride to plan her own bachelorette party. How are you supposed to know if it's rude to NOT plan one??? I think it was super nice of you to ask and think of that. I would just stop messaging her until she comes to her senses. That's a super weird response.

I think it was a very nice gesture. Your friend seems stressed, it sounds like she may have either taking it wrong or acted on impulse. Either way you should call with comfort and explain yourself. And even though I don't think you did any wrong. You should appoligize for upsetting her anyways.

Whoa. I would let this sit for a bit. She's coming off a bit unhinged if you ask me when someone asked to throw her a party this is how she reacts then takes it a strap further with insinuating that you don't know her well. Don't jump to calling, let it sit, maybe she was having a bad day? She def should not be planning any of this herself.

You did nothing wrong here. Definitely call her and explain that your intention was not to upset her. There is something else going on here for sure. She must be super stressed out

No you shouldn’t apologize, if anything your friend the bride to be should apologize to you. That was a great and thoughtful gesture on your behalf and for her to respond in that way was rude. I understand that some brides turn into bridezillas but come on that was uncalled for. I wouldn’t call her about it just let it pass. Hopefully she’ll be more pleasant later down the road

It sounds like something totally unrelated is coming through by asking. Give it a couple of days & when you do speak to her, ask her if there's anything else going on with her life. It definitely sounds like it. Sorry!!

I had to laugh at her thinking that a bachelorette is tradition. For hundreds and hundreds of years, it wasn't. It's a fairly recent creation. You did nothing wrong. She's cray cray.

I’m sorry that happened to you. She is the one who crossed the line and you did everything right. It is NOT appropriate for her to plan her own party. And it is completely fine for other friends to be involved with the planning even if they aren’t in the bridal party.

How long ago did she move to Texas? Has she had a chance to make friends there? Is there a possibility she snapped because she is lonely and missing her group of California friends? particularly now that she is getting married?

You have nothing to apologize for. She shouldn't be planning her own bachelorette.

Echoing whAt PP have said. You’re a really nice friend !

Something else is wrong with the relationship/engagement/wedding for her to react like that. For example, I recall having similar reactions during my first engagement when my parents hated ex-fiancé and were diabolically opposed to us getting married ...

She is soo wrong about the whole thing i hope you do not apologize. How rude of her

She was rude. It was a very nice gesture on your part and you did nothing wrong. The bride should never plan her own bachelorette party.

Thank you all so much for your input! I appreciate it! The whole thing really has hurt my feelings, but I am trying not to take it too personally because I do think (as has been suggested here as well) that something else is going on. I think I will let us both cool down and reach out to her via phone in a couple days. She's clearly stressed and upset about something, and my feelings are very hurt so I'll probably communicate better if I give myself a couple days. She has mentioned that her wedding won't have any "silly traditions" as she calls them, and has named bouquet/garter toss, cake cutting, mother-son, father-daughter, or first dances as examples. She was out here a couple months ago when she was saying all this. I felt a little bad because she said this all in front of our married friend who DID have all these things and she kept saying how silly they are at weddings, but that's another topic. When we were out to drinks when she was here and someone tried to toast to her engagement, she kept saying that people did not need to make a big deal out of it and keeps saying how untraditional and casual her wedding will be and unlike most weddings. I thought it a little odd at the time that she stopped the toast, but since then she has posted about it quite a bit on FB and has uploaded quite a few different ring selfies, so I feel like she's sending mixed messages on how big of a deal she thinks it is. I don't know. Maybe I should have known with her "casual" approach that she wouldn't want a party, but our married friend has often said that it was one of her favorite memories ever because it is probably the only time in her life that she will have people from all walks of life together, so I wanted this friend to have that experience if she wanted.

@muriel- She has been there about 3 years. From talking to her and her FB posts, it seems she has made friends there and she seems to be out with them every weekend, but our CA group all goes way back and I don't think she feels quite the same level of closeness with her TX friends. You could be right about that. I actually also did offer in my initial message that if she wanted one and would rather do it here, the money I was going to use for my plane ticket from CA to TX, I could use to fly her out to CA as a gift if she would prefer. I said I could do it in either state, whichever she would prefer. But it seems there will definitely be no party lol.

UPDATE: I haven't signed on to FB since, but have the Messenger app on my phone. I was hoping she was just impulsively snapping at me, but some time has passed and she just sent me ANOTHER rude message, hours later so clearly I hit a nerve and she is still thinking about it. She said that she feels I am not respecting her decision to not have bridesmaids, and that if anyone were to do anything additional for her, it should be her "best friend," which is another girl from our group, and that she feels "second closest" to me and that I should respect that. I am just in such a state of shock and hurt over this. Yes, I do know that the other girl and her ARE the closest to each other. Sure, in our group of 6, there are some of us that are closer than others, and we all sort of know that but it's pretty much unspoken. I feel at our age (mid-20's), we're a little old to be worrying about who is who's best friend, and am shocked about her wording of me being "second closest." I feel we're a little too old (okay, WAY too old) to worry about ranking each other and making sure other people know their "place" so to speak. And I also didn't think I should be volunteering another one of our friends to host her bachelorette party, even though I do know she is her "best friend." I'm not responding. I don't know what has gotten into her. We've all been friends since childhood so I don't want to end the friendship over a FB message, but this whole experience has completely changed the way I view her and her level of maturity. I'm trying to keep my cool, so I am not going on FB, have deleted the app from my phone, and will reach out to her in a few days when I think I can ensure I won't say something I will regret.

She had a moment, and is to prideful to apologize. She is closed minded at this moment and cant see it from your side.

View Quoted Comment I am so sorry you are in this situation. There may be something else going on with her but I am getting the impression that she is trying to push you away. Does she have budget restrictions? I’m wondering whether consciously (or unconsciously) she is trying to cause a rift in the friendship to justify cutting down the guest list. Obviously this is not an appropriate way to handle whatever is going on with her. Hopefully time will pass, she will cool down and apologize.

I'm so sorry this is happening! Wedding unfortunately I think can Bring the bad side out of people. She must really be struggling with something but that doesn't give her the right to rank you or treat you that way. That's terrible. I would look at her very differently also!

View Quoted Comment

Hey, Shelly- welcome to WeddingWire, even if it's under these circumstances! You came to the right place!

I'm so sorry that you're hurt over this. It sounds like a case of misinterpretation to me You were trying to do something nice (and generous!) and the bride-to-be unfortunately mistook is as disrespecting her choices- it's no wonder feelings are hurt all over the place!

It can be so tough to work these things out over FB, text, or any other messaging platform. Have you tried giving your friend a call to talk it out?

Please come back and give us an update when it all works out, because it will! You're a good friend, ranked or not!! (too soon?)