Advice on Holiday Drama

View Quoted Comment This is why I said I agree it is rude to bring up uncomfortable topics. This is why I would leave and not return. I don't understand the aggressive nature of your response.

View Quoted Comment I'm not being aggressive I'm just saying that just because the person bringing up sensitive topics owns the house it doesn't give them freedom to just do and say whatever they want when having people over.

View Quoted Comment But they do have the freedom to do and say what they want as does anyone. The OP wants to avoid drama, the only thing a guest has control over is their presence and their involvement. Is the host a jerk for saying or doing offensive things? Yes. Can I the guest tell them I won't stand for it and leave? Also yes. If OP doesn't want an argument, then one party must remove themselves, the host is not likely to do so. The guest is actually in a position of power and must exercise that power. If FH wants to continue to argue then that is his perogative, it is her perogative to leave the conversation and decide to not return.

View Quoted Comment Technically no they don't, there's many homeowners in prison for what they have done to people while in their homes. People they invited over. She needs to tell her step dad and mom that there will be none of that bs talk at family events anymore.

View Quoted Comment Yes, those are called consequences. Freedom does not mean without consequence.

My father-in-law has some really hurtful political opinions, AND he enjoys stirring the pot to get negative reactions. I have literally trained him over the years that I will leave the table/the house/the restaurant (yep, I have done all 3 at different points) if he starts up.

I have no illusions about influencing him to become a more caring person. But I am confident in setting and keeping my boundaries, and he only rarely does it any more.

All of that said, this year is the perfect year to decline any and all invitations to family dinners.

View Quoted Comment Yea and she has the freedom to put her step dad in his place by shutting down that conversation before it even begins regardless of who owns the house. She needs to tell them that they can't talk about those sensitive topics at dinner. Either that or she like I stated needs to shut it down before he even gets going, cut him off mid sentence and say no we are not talking about this topic at all. She might even have family there that will stand with her.

View Quoted Comment I have agreed with you several times. I don't know what else to say, so I wish you a nice evening.

This happened to me the other day! so we have a friend in our group that is very alt right. everyone else is left. anyway we had some friends over for dinner and he and one of the leftist friends got into it and it was starting to get loud and heated and we had to defuse the situation because it's something that definitely can be taken far if it isn't stopped.

I would tell them to both keep their mouth shut and remind them that the Thanksgiving table is no place for a political discussion. If they can't go a few hours without discussing politics, I would probably just leave.

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I'm not sure I understand this POV. Saying "I disagree and this is why" is MORE rude than a guest getting up and leaving forever in the middle of thanksgiving dinner? I think this sort of thing sounds good online but in practice, getting up and leaving will come off as much ruder, and cause WAY more drama than a little political back and forth at the table.

View Quoted Comment It is not a question of being rude. The OP doesn't want an argument. From her experience an argument always breaks out. That being the case, what more can be done other than not engaging or leaving?

View Quoted Comment That is how my family is. My family is conservative Republicans and my fiancé associates with the Democrats, even though he is more in the middle. In the past talking politics has not been bad. It is just with this past election, I know my step dad and my fiancé will go at it. My step dad listens to what Fox says and my fiancé listens to MSNBC. So they are only pulling their information from what they hear for there. They are not doing their own research. I am just afraid it will come down to if I am made to choose my family or my fiancé I don’t know what I will choose, or my fiancé might not be welcomed at the house anymore.

View Quoted Comment I honestly told my fiancé to just nod his head and agree or to say “I see your point”. As I told my fiancé, I don’t agree with him and his families political views. Like I don’t agree with my families political views either. I told him just do what I do, sit their quietly, do not put your input into it, unless you are asked, and be polite. That is how I have gotten through years of political talks during dinner.

View Quoted Comment I hope you dont have to make a choice because that would be unfair to choose between your future hubby and your family. It would be nice if everyone could keep politics off the table.

View Quoted Comment Ya, I know my family is having Thanksgiving dinner and my fiancé’s family is also having Thanksgiving dinner. I feel like it would be easier on both of us if he did Thanksgiving with his family and I did Thanksgiving with mine. I mean my fiancé and I literally just moved in together, a couple of weeks ago we where still living at home. I think it might be easier to tell my parents that he wants to do Thanksgiving with his family, instead of telling them no politics. Because my step dad will purposely bring politics up, because he knows my fiancé is a Democrat and my family is Republicans.

View Quoted Comment We have no problem staying quiet about religion. If it was any other year I would not be worried about politics being brought up. I have already told my fiancé to be silent and agree. He said he won’t if it is something he does not agree with, he won’t stay quiet, he will voice his opinion. Which will lead to an argument, which can lead to us being unwelcomed at the house and family gatherings, or it might come down to me having to choose my family or my fiancé.

View Quoted Comment That is a good point. I will try talking to my fiancé about that. Thank you.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Easiest way really to avoid drama and put your foot down at the same time.

Unfortunately some people thrive on the drama associated with the controversial topics and don't care who they hurt in the process nor that it is not the time or place for them to be discussed. The situation would have to be pretty dire for me to side with antagonistic family whose views I didn't agree with over my fiance 'to keep the peace'.

View Quoted Comment You're fiancé shouldn't have to stay silent while your step dad spews his political beliefs at him or anyone else. Politics shouldn't even be brought up especially this time because of how sensitive the topic is nowadays. Like I said before you should shut the conversation down by cutting him off mid sentence and tell him no we are not talking politics at a family event nobody wants to hear it. Or maybe talk to your step dad a day and mom before and say not to bring it up. It's not right for you to try and make your fiance stay quiet while letting your step dad voice his opinion on such a sensitive topic that so many people are very passionate about. Shut down that conversation immediately.