Advice on parental approval?

You need a united front. You and your boyfriend should both speak to your parents, not just you. You said you were long distance - this is a conversation that arrangements need to be made to have together in person.

I married my husband when I was 19 and he was 21 (we had been together for five years). He came over to my parents' house and told my dad that he would like to have a word with him. We all sat down together, and he told my dad that we wanted to get married, and we were hoping for his blessing (which he gave, along with his advice). We are coming up on 20 years married soon.

As a former young bride, here is my advice. When it comes to wanting to get married at your age, you have to be assertive and stay off the defense. All of those lovely reasons you listed about why you want to get married - none of them matter, and you shouldn't bring them up. Do you think a 30-year-old woman would have to explain to her parents all the reasons why she wants to get married?

There is a difference between defensive and assertive. You want to get married because it is the right choice for your lives. That's it. Any other "reason" is defending/justifying, and you only defend or justify yourself when you might be doing something wrong or making a bad choice. And you are subtly telling your parents that you suspect maybe you are making a bad choice by prattling off a bunch of justifications for why getting married is a good choice. It sounds like you are trying to convince people, including yourself.

Also, as a counterargument, every single thing you listed can be done without being married - that's why they aren't reasons to get married.

If you are asked "why", repeat after me: because we agree this is the best choice for our lives. No "because we want to support each other," no "because we've been through hard times and we're still strong." (You've been together a year. You don't know what hard times look like yet. Truly. I don't say that to dismiss you, I say that to be honest.) These statements will open the door to counterarguments that will put you on the defense, and you need to stay off the defense. You are a grown woman who wants to get married, you do not need to defend yourself.

If your parents have legitimate concerns, such as where you will live and how you will pay for it, whether you will still go to college and finish your degree, etc. then you can answer to those (and I do suggest you think these things through and have a good plan that demonstrates you have considered these things carefully, not just as they relate to your marriage but also as general adult responsibilities.) But any "why do you want to do that" should simply be: because we agree this is the best choice for us. You don't believe it is. You don't think it is. It simply is.

I would definitely recommend living together before getting married, especially coming off a long term long distance relationship. A marriage certificate has a lot more repercussions to it than a lease if heaven forbid you need to break it. Living together is the ultimate test to see if you can maintain a relationship.

This is such an excellent response.... As I read your original post I was thinking, is she trying to convince us she's ready to get married???? I agree your "list" does end up coming across like you're on the defensive and/or trying to convince yourselves. (So, even if that isn't true, realize the way you're presenting this doesn't not come across well.) I also agree that all of the things on your list can be true of an unmarried couple. Finally, as a parent of a daughter who got engaged to her high school boyfriend when she was barely 22 and just graduated from college (they had been together 6+ years at that point), our biggest concerns were that she and our now SIL were fully capable, financially independent adults who were clearly in a position to make their own decisions about their lives. They had been living together for the last two years of college, going to school full time, working a LOT, managing their apartment/finances/insurance/etc. -- as daughter liked to say at the time, they were "adulting." They also had a clear plan for what they wanted to accomplish during their 18-month engagement and a well laid out plan for their longer term future. Given that they'd more than demonstrated they were mature, responsible adults, we were thrilled with their engagement. Good luck!

What's the rush? You can support each other without being married.

You've only been together for a YEAR, and less time than that actually together, not long distance.

I would push pause on the marriage talk for now. You're only 19! I agree with pp its important to live with someone to truly get to know them.

You mentioned you are studying. Do you have an income? Does he? Are you financially independent? Could you purchase a home or afford a down payment on an apartment?

Have you discussed bills? Finances? Child rearing? Do you even want children? Does he? what kind of home you want to live in? Where you want to live? The list goes on and on.

Have you experienced a tragedy of some sort together? how was it handed on both sides? Have you fallen on rough times financially? How did you handle it? What would you do if either one of you became terminally ill? Is there a plan in place or would you know what to do?

I would highly recommend waiting as you've only been together a short time and you both are still in school. You're still getting to know each other You have all the time in the world to get married; there is no reason to rush. Focus on your school and getting to know each other better.

I completely agree with this. While length of time together doesn't always make a difference, you guys are young and haven't spent the majority of this time together. You're still in a honeymoon phase in some ways, especially once you are able to see each other again you'll experience that even more. I don't think you could experience the things you need to accurately gauge if you guys have a strong enough foundation with your current situation.

I met my fiancé when I was 20 and he was 23. I wasn't finished with school so we decided to wait until I graduated to discuss long term stuff. After graduating we still waited another 2 years before we both agreed we were ready for marriage, and that's with living together since we were 10 months in. We both have changed a ton in the last 5 years. In some ways we've helped each other become better people, but in others we just had to mature by ourselves and figure out the type of people we wanted to be and the other person had to adjust and mold too.

At the very least wait until you are both out of school and are in relatively stable jobs. If you want to move in together before that, great, you can support and serve him in the ways you mentioned without being a wife. If you don't, then you can still support him and serve him in most of those ways without being a wife or living with him. Offer to cook for him and have him over for dinner, continue to support him and have him support you by studying together or offering support both from afar and in person once you're in the same city. If you both agree that you're committed for life what is the difference between signing a paper now or later? I know a marriage certificate isn't "just paper" but your relationship should be exactly the same the day before and after your wedding. Your actions will not change because you're married.