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Beginner August 2023

Advice on selecting my side of the wedding party

Anthony, on October 24, 2022 at 4:23 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 20

I'm getting married next August and have been having trouble trying to select my side of the wedding party. I don't have any brothers, but I have a much younger half sister. I'm 33 and she's 21. I want to include her in the wedding, now I know it's not really appropriate to ask my fiancée to include her as a bridesmaid, so I didn't ask. I'm considering having her on my side as a groomswoman, however I worry about her not fitting in well with the guys I'm considering asking. They are all around my age or a bit older. I know people can be friends with people in different age groups. But, my sister is on the shy side and it could be awkward.

My fiancee and I have decided to cap each side at 6 people. It's hard for me because I have about ten guys who are friends from different periods of my life who are like brothers to me and I'm closer to them than my sister. The main reason I want to include my sister in the wedding is because I can put myself in her shoes and see that it would suck to be left out of an only sibling's wedding. With my friends, I don't want any of them to think that I don't value their friendships, by not selecting them. I know I need to get on the ball and make my picks.

20 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on October 27, 2022 at 3:45 PM
  • Bailey
    Expert October 2023
    Bailey ·
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    If you have 10+ friends you'd love to have by your side, I'm sure they're aware of each other and won't take it personally [also considering your age] especially because it's not like you're picking 8 or 9 and 1 or 2 will be "left out". As for your sister, I don't think it's incredibly inappropriate to ask your fiancee to include her, but if she says no then let it go. However, I would only ask your sister if you actually want her to stand there, not just because she's your sister, over the remaining guy friends you have. If she's shy, it's not up to you to make that better for her but up to her to make the best of the situation- don't worry about her, she will be okay!

    From there, it can be hard to decide which of your friends stands. Think about who has been the best friend to you, whose always showed up and been the best person they can be for you. Or, think about who may have a repeating pattern of letting you down. You may still be best friends, but maybe another friend is better served of being groomsman? Don't over think it, it's going to be great no matter who you choose!

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  • Bailey
    Expert October 2023
    Bailey ·
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    It wont let me edit my message but I wanted to clarify- by "also considering your age" I meant because you're in your 30's you and your friends are likely a more mature group and won't be petty-offended.

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  • S
    Super September 2022
    Sarah ·
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    I think it would be great to have your sister stand on your side! She doesn't have to get along with the guys or even spend much time with them or get ready with them. She would be there for you. My brother didn't really get along with everyone but he still did it for me.

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  • E
    Devoted February 2023
    Elycia ·
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    I say if you're closer with your friends choose the friends. You will be hanging out with them all day and for pre-wedding activities. The guys who dont fit into the 6 can still be included in those things too, just not walking down the aisle as groomsmen. They could even get ready with you day-of if you think that would be fun.

    We are not including any siblings in our wedding. 1) I have too many. I have 4 sisters, he has two, then my four friends, its all just way too much. 2) I'm not close with either of his sisters. They're not the most friendly people, we're in different age groups and dont enjoy the same activities, and I honestly dont think they would be there for me in the same capacity my friends will. My husband agreed to this and after his first wedding didn't want to include his brother or brother in law anyway.

    If you still want your sister included without the pressure of getting along with your group, or being thrust into your fiance's then maybe have her do a reading, speech, some special task during the ceremony, etc. to still feel included. I am a firm believer that you should never have someone in your wedding party solely out of obligation, family included.

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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    Have her walk down the aisle with the parents during the processional, then have a seat. List her in the program. Give her a corsage. There are lots of other ways to include her. A shy 21 year old woman would have a hard time feeling comfortable with hanging out with a bunch of 30 something year old men or women that are close to each other but not her
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  • A
    Beginner August 2023
    Anthony ·
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    The getting ready part is what I worry about it. But, she might not feel comfortable with a group of guys and I don't want to force her onto my fiancée so they she could get ready with women. My future mother in law is also quite protective of my fiancée and tends to only want wedding activities focus on their side of the family and I don't see my future mother in law being ok with my sister getting ready with them.

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  • A
    Beginner August 2023
    Anthony ·
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    Giving her a corsage or having her walking down the aisle would be cheap after thought consolation prizes in my opinion. I don't want her to feel like I'm tossing her a cheap bone or her looking like an after thought. I do love and care about my sister and I don't want her to feel like she's not important of my life because she is.

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  • A
    Beginner August 2023
    Anthony ·
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    All of the people I'm considering have been the types of friends who rarely or never let me down. So it's hard for me to make picks because they have all been very good and kind friends.

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  • Paige
    VIP October 2022
    Paige ·
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    Echoing everyone that you shouldn't have someone in your bridal party out of obligation. If you're closer to your 10 friends and are already going to have a hard time picking, don't add your sister to the mix. Plus if you think she'll be uncomfortable around your friends then that'll make it a really long day for her. I wouldn't ask your fiancée to include your sister on her side either if your sister's shy since being thrust into a group of strangers (particularly ones that are already close to each other) can be really awkward and uncomfortable.

    If you want to include her in some way, you could get her a corsage, ask her to be a greeter, walk in the processional (either on her own or with your parents), do a reading, give a toast, or any other number of things.

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  • A
    Beginner August 2023
    Anthony ·
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    I think readings are just consolation prizes and I don't put that on her. Also, around where I live it's basically just the best man or maid/matron of honor doing toasts.

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  • A
    Beginner August 2023
    Anthony ·
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    My fiancee's sister is 23 and she will be in the wedding party along with a cousin who is 25, not all of them are in their 30s.

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Sounds like you really want her on your side. Have you asked her what makes her comfortable? She could stand with you while also not doing the grooms pre-wedding type events if you're having any.

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  • A
    Beginner August 2023
    Anthony ·
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    The thing is that if she's not doing pre-wedding type events with my side, she likely won't be doing events with my fiancée's side and she'll be left out in that sense. I don't want her to basically feel like she's just showing up for the event.

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  • R
    Rockstar
    Rosebud ·
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    Do your fiancee and your sister not get along or not know each other well? She should definitely be invited to the bridal shower and I see nothing wrong with having her invited to the bachelorette party. She doesn't have to be a bridesmaid but there's no reason she can't partake in bridal events if she d like that. Honestly I d much rather be a guest at those events then responsible for planning and paying for them! Regardless of what you decide to do with the bridal party definitely get her a corsage and let her know how much you love and appreciate your relationship with her. Happy planning!

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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    One of the things to consider is that if she's a groomswoman, it makes the most logistical sense for her to get dressed and do hair and makeup in the bridal suite. If your MiL is going to block that, then awkward.


    Have you considered skipping a bridal party altogether?
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Echoing the possibility of no wedding party at all. From your responses, it sounds like there is no good option for you if you have one. If you eliminate the wedding parties altogether, the problems go away.


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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I think it would be fine for her to attend the shower, though? She doesn't really have to "get ready" with anyone I don't think. Maybe she could be with your mother to get ready? I don't think this would be complicated to do.

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  • A
    Beginner August 2023
    Anthony ·
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    My fiancee wants a bridal party and has already bought things for her proposal boxes and she's giving them out this weekend.

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  • A
    Beginner August 2023
    Anthony ·
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    My half sister is the daughter of my father, not my mom. My mom and half sister don't really know each other.

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Sorry for the assumption. Ok well she could get ready with your father and his family then.

    I'm not sure why it has to be complicated really. She's an adult, and hopefully can manage herself no matter what the plan.

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