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Advice on what to do concerning bachelorette party

Kirsten, on March 11, 2021 at 2:05 PM Posted in Style and Décor 0 21

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So I’m a bridesmaid in my friends wedding. The bride asked her sister (18) to be her maid of honor and plan her bachelorette party. Bride noticed 2 months ago that MOH hasn’t started planning and she was worried about it (this bride DESERVES special, she has overcome a ton and she really does deserve special) she asked me to check in and see if MOH needed any help. I agreed, I reached out, I asked MOH if she wanted help, we messaged back and forth 3-4 times about what the bride would want. I know this bride very well she loves summer, the beach, cheesy stuff, like go all out special. Well my frustration has grown because this MOH still hasn’t planned anything, she ignored me for the past 2 months, so maybe she didn’t need help anymore? Well, I got in contact with the bride and checked in if she’s heard anything, she hasn’t and is going to ask MOH to talk to me. So I reached out to the MOH again, she has nothing planned or even started. This wedding is in September, beach houses fill up FAST here so I’ve been researching, found an affordable one. And messaged about what else I know the bride would love (decorations, goodie bags, food) and shes not responding to me again. I’m ready to just plan this thing without the MOH but don’t want to be disrespectful, I have a group chat going with the other bridesmaids and the MOH to get a date set, t-shirt size, who is coming, any allergies, and I said if anyone can help financially, that would be great but not mandatory. MOH didn’t even look at the messages.

Do I speak to the bride? Do I just plan it and tell MOH where and when?? We have to get this place booked ASAP before we loose our spot. I think the MOH may just be a little young to plan something like this considering she can’t book an Airbnb on her own, she can’t buy alcohol, and probably not very financially stable, which is all OK but she really should say something, ask for help, just tell me to plan it, or just respond to me.

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Latest activity by Caterina, on March 13, 2021 at 5:42 PM

Expert September 2021
· on March 11, 2021 at 2:14 PM
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You seem like a killer friend! I'm sure the bride really appreciates you.
I say plan it! I wouldn't worry about stepping on the MOH's toes, I would worry about the bride feeling let down when she doesn't have a Bach weekend. I think you, and any of the other bridesmaids who want to help, should come together and plan a fun trip for your friend!
It says loads about the kind of friend you are to be willing to step up and help out!
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on March 11, 2021 at 2:14 PM
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I would definitely not go to the bride with this. Work out amongst yourselves. I would maybe call the MOH and talk to her directly. She may very well feel overwhelmed but also feel like she needs to be the one to do all this because she is MOH and also the bride's sister. Let her know you're here for her, and you don't want to step on her toes, but it looks like she may need a little help.
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Expert September 2021
· on March 11, 2021 at 2:17 PM
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Also, if she is only 18, she may literally not be able to plan most things. There's a lot you can't book/plan being only 18. You can politely tell her you're going to help out if you ant to avoid stepping on her toes. But she really isn't going to be capable of giving this bride a grand bachelorette even if she wanted to! I think your help would be very nice!
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Expert September 2020
Amanda · on March 11, 2021 at 2:21 PM
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I think you should plan it and just tell her sister what’s going on (she may not even be able to attend if she’s 18?). Good friend point!
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on March 11, 2021 at 2:25 PM
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You don't need to travel. Just have a fun party at home within your budget. Party City has decorations.
Some people don't care and have their own priorities and others don't know how to ask for help. Talk to the bride and don't continue asking the maid of honor.
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on March 11, 2021 at 2:39 PM
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I think the expectation that an 18 year old would arrange this party is a little ridiculous. Also it's not a requirement of the MOH to plan or host a bachelorette.

If you want to arrange it, go ahead. Tell the bride you are arranging it and ask the bride when she's available. Don't bring up anything about the MOH
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Lisa · on March 11, 2021 at 2:40 PM
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How awesome you are willing and able to help! I wonder if the 18yo MOH is feeing overwhelmed and simply does not know what to do. Also, I don’t know of many businesses that would work with an 18 if contracts need to be signed (air b-n-b, car rentals, buying alcohol, etc). Planning a bachelorette party can be very time consuming as well; is the MOH in her senior year? Prom?Graduation? College? If this is her senior year, her sister’s wedding might not be a priority with regards to how she spends her money and free time, especially if it involves planning activities she cannot legally parting (bars/drinking).
I bet if you privately messaged the MOH and said you have some ideas for the bachelorette party and would like to take the lead, she would be thrilled.
I would not include the bride in any further discussions.
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Lisa · on March 11, 2021 at 2:43 PM
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*she cannot legally participate in
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Super May 2021
Stacey · on March 11, 2021 at 2:44 PM
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I would just go ahead and start planning! To be honest, I don't know if an 18-year old has any knowledge on how to plan that type of event. She couldn't even rent an AirBNB, etc. at that age. She probably has NO idea where to even start, especially if she's never been to a bachelorette party before (which is completely likely at that age!). There's no rule that says the MOH has to plan everything, anyone can do it. Just keep her in the loop along the way, ask for her input, and respect everyone's budget. The bride is lucky to have you as a friend!
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Lady · on March 11, 2021 at 3:09 PM
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I would go ahead and start planning! an 18 year old is unlikely to have a ton of experience or insight into these things and it seems like you want to do it. There is no rule that the MOH has to plan!
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Kirsten · on March 11, 2021 at 3:16 PM
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The MOH agreed to plan it originally when she was asked to be MOH
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on March 11, 2021 at 3:17 PM
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Yeah, give the 18 year old a break. It’s likely she went on Airbnb website or similar and saw she couldn’t reserve anything. And might not even have a clue what a bachelorette party entails. Plus she won’t be legally allowed to do any drinking or clubbing so no idea how to plan that either. She may also not have ay money.
Tell the bride you are wanting to plan something that requires being able to rent a beach house, etc and see if that’s what she wants.
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Super June 2021
Melanie · on March 11, 2021 at 3:18 PM
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I would also just go ahead and plan it! My MOH is also my sister and she just turned 18 last month. She wouldn't know where to start to plan a dinner, let alone an entire weekend away haha. We decided together that she wouldnt plan or go to my bachelorette party and would take on the responsibility of planning my bridal shower with our mom. One of my bridesmaids stepped in to plan a bachelorette party for me and I'm so thankful!
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on March 11, 2021 at 3:21 PM
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Well tha3ts relevant info. What did she agree to plan exactly?
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on March 11, 2021 at 4:28 PM
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Plan what though? A beach weekemd away specifically? Or just vaguely a party?
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Master 0000
Judith · on March 11, 2021 at 5:02 PM
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Brides should not assign MOH to plan their bach, no matter what WW writers say. ( WW writers are clueless about standard etiquette, that an honoree never pick or assign anyone to plan a party in their honor, in any circumstance. ) People who volunteer to give parties, do it, usually in a small group. no one else.
As a willing volunteer, see if anyone else would like to help you plan, including sister. Make it clear that if she does not want to do advance planning, but wants to do some particular thing, you folks are quite happy to pick up the planning. Some 16-18 year olds are perfectly able to plan a party like this, and some are not. But it is wrong ( per standard etiquette) for a bride to pick an MOH, then say, now plan a party in my honor. And she really needs to hear, it is up to those who volunteer to do it. You, maybe others, are volunteering. Decide what you are able to afford and schedule without shutting people out, and do it!
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Kirsten · on March 11, 2021 at 5:13 PM
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The bride has voiced since day one she would like a weekend at the beach in a beach house, and we’re still doing it locally for most of the bridesmaids so we’re not paying a ton in travel. The farthest bridesmaid is 45 minutes from the beach house. That’s what the MoH agreed to plan but she just hasn’t followed through. I messaged her letting her know I booked the place because it was the last one available that is in our price range and not 3 hours across the state. She hasn’t answered still but at least she knows.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on March 11, 2021 at 5:18 PM
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If she doesn't answer texts, send a call. If she doesn't answer that, then let the bride know you have alternative plans
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on March 11, 2021 at 5:34 PM
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She probably had no idea what that even entailed.
My 18 year old could prob pull it off because I pushed her to be independent at a young age. Most of her peers were not able to coordinate transportation to the mall for lunch, their lives were just really different. But even she wouldn’t be able to rent a beach house. She just may not get it.
Text her, tell her that her sister wants a beach weekend, you’ll find a place. Then talk about the food, transportation, etc.
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Devoted May 2022
Tory · on March 11, 2021 at 7:44 PM
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I think you should just go ahead and plan it and send a message to the entire bridal party about the plans so everyone is aware. It’s possible that this MOH is very overwhelmed, but she could at least have the decency to respond to your countless texts so that you can get this planned for your friend that deserves a special weekend trip away with her girls
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Advice on what to do concerning bachelorette party

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