Advise really needed please

First I want to start off by saying that I'm sorry you're both having to go through this! It's disappointing when family members can't get along, but unfortunately relationships don't work out regardless of them being family or not.

Second, I personally think it's rude of them to invite your FS (future spouse) but not you. Couples are a package deal when it comes to wedding invites, so that was wrong on their part. Your FS has every right to not go because you aren't invited, and I actually commend him on his decision. He's right...their decision to not invite you def. shows their character, and hurts the chances of you all fixing the relationship in the future. You both have every right to be upset!!

Third, it's up to you both what you do going forward. Are you wanting to still reconcile the relationship with them and still invite them to your wedding in hopes that you all can get along one day? Do you want to be the bigger person and invite them because they're family? (keep in mind you are NOT obligated to do so just because they're family) Or do you both think this relationship has ran it's course and inviting them and having them at your wedding will do more harm than good?

View Quoted Comment I agree with all of this! They are in the wrong. It is very rude to invite one person, but intentionally exclude their significant other. As for whether you invite them to your wedding, I think it's totally up to you. You are under no obligation to invite them, so if you choose to invite them, make sure it's because you genuinely want them there and not because you feel obligated/someone else wants you to invite them/etc.

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Thank you so much. I was holding my breath when I saw the first response as I've heard no-ones thoughts on it other than my best friend's who totally agrees with us.. but she would! I feel so nervous wondering whether we are actually entitled to feel like we are being treated so wrongly/unfairly, or not.

He is amazing and always stands by me so his decision doesn't surprise me but does weigh heavily on me, as I know not being at his sisters wedding will be really difficult for him.

I think we are in agreement that with regards to our wedding, we will still invite them. A lot has gone on over the years and we've always attempted to be the ones not to say or do anything we would later regret. For my partner I fear that uninviting them due to pettiness/retaliation, he would later regret down the line and look back and think 'what if'. If they choose not to come because they have made their feelings (particularly on me) very clear, then that is their decision, but at least we wouldn't have been the ones that prevented that from happening.

There’s always going to be two sides to every story. However I have to say that not inviting you does not show any signs of them trying to repair whatever damage has been done.
Regardless of who’s fault things were I think it’s great your FH is standing by your side as he should. Pretty soon you guys will start your own family and you will realize that this will become much less important as the years go. If they don’t want you there and can’t put their issues aside that is on them, but they also have to face the fact that you and your FH are a social unit now and if they can’t except you then he won’t be in their lives either and that’s just how it goes

Your FSIL is in the wrong. Couples are considered a package deal, and especially couples that are engaged/married! If your FS is invited, you should absolutely be invited. If I was your FS, I would not attend the wedding unless you were invited. I understand they are siblings, but if she is going to act like that, I don't see much loss there.

Hi Molly! Continue to take the high road and just know you both will sleep well at night that you are handling the situation maturely and with grace. I’m so sorry you’re not invited to their wedding and quite frankly my parents would never allow one of our family unit to go as far as not inviting our siblings significant others to our wedding. I could only imagine the call I would get from my parents and I can assure you I would not win that battle! If I were in your shoes, I would still have your groom attend their wedding and keep the knuckle heads on yours. 😉 Doing the right thing is not the easy thing, otherwise everyone would do it. Keep your chin up and head held high ❤️❤️❤️

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You're welcome. It sounds like you both are on the same page regarding them, which is most important! Do what you both feel is right in this situation, which looks like it's being the bigger person!

Good luck, and happy planning!

I think you have every right to be upset. It’s extremely rude to not invite the partner of someone who you invited, especially if this significant other is going to become a part of the family and be married to this person at around the same time as their wedding. It’s your FH’s decision on if he’ll go, but like he said I think that they ruined any chance of you guys ever having a normal or close relationship by doing that. They were being selfish by excluding you when you’re clearly so important to your partner, and I don’t think it’s fair how they left you off the list when you guys decided to invite both of them

They are definitely in the wrong. I don't think either of you should attend.

Couples are a package deal - other than violence or potential to cause a scene or harass people - so they are in the wrong.
They are also being so dramatic with a big “you’re not in invited” statement that it’s clear they want to start a fight.
The best way is to not engage. At all. And if you haven’t sent out invites, don’t send to them. Not a retribution but because they can’t be trusted not to act out.

I think you are 100% the bigger people. They are wrong to purposefully exclude you. It sounds like they knew your fiancé would not go without you, but they invited him so that they would look good to others. I’d cut ties with the negativity and toxicity.

View Quoted Comment I totally agree with this. Nothing to add.

From the outside looking in, if you don't have a relationship with someone, you don't invite them regardless of being blood relatives. However a couple is a social unit automatically invited together whether you have been together 4 months or 50 years. To invite only one half is extremely disrespectful because you cannot ask someone to celebrate your relationship while disrespecting theirs. His sister is wrong to invite him only.

At the same time, obligatory invites should never be handed out to anyone. Either you have a close relationship with someone and can't imagine the day without them or you don't invite them. Sharing a blood relation doesn't automatically entitle anyone to anything.