Afraid i might not be strict enough

Giiirl, I thought I was having an issue with my bridesmaids, but this is different. My only issue was with dresses. I do feel you are giving everyone way too much say in what goes on for YOUR day dear. Cut back. Take a few days to yourself and get in your head your visual and then put it together with the planner or whoever is actually helping the day to come together for you. Its not their wedding day, its yours. Being assertive and a Bridezilla are two different things. But sometimes you have to pop off for one sec of you need to. They'll still love you later.

It is your day, and you have your say. Are you and the fiance' also paying? If so, you definitely can speak louder! My fiance and I opted for no bridesmaids and groomsmen, just to avoid any drama and to just keep things simple.

Anytime you give people options, you will get opinions. It's fine if you want opinions to make a decision, but most often times if you already have something in mind I'd say go with it. It is your wedding and as long as you and the future mister agree, I say that's all that matters. In the end, the two of you have to be happy with this wedding, it is your biggest day towards starting a new chapter in your life. Good luck with everything!

I feel you on this. Maybe for different reasons but I am constantly like...seeking approval? I hate making decisions and I don't like planning something that 100 people are going to show up to and judge.

For every person who says "it's your wedding, do whatever you want!" there is another person saying "etiquette dictates you do it THIS WAY and if you don't, you're rude!" and this has caused me anxiety throughout the entire planning process.

I'm very sensitive to criticism (aka I do NOT take it well haha) and I'm so worried that if I don't check with others and make sure everything is 'exactly right', that I'll lose my mind and go bridezilla as soon as someone critiques something that I put my heart into.

You don’t need everyone’s approval! I ran into a mess there when I was being very lax with the bridesmaid dresses. I think there are certain decisions you should ask for input on, like bridesmaids attire, and others like your own makeup and your venue and such, is up to you and your fiancé. I understand not wanting to be a control freak, but no one is going to freak out on you if yo don’t consult them about getting your makeup done. And if they do, then they are being the control freaks!

I think it's nice to get opinions from your bridesmaids. But it's your wedding, don't let them make decisions for you! Your big day shouldn't be about pleasing everyone else. It's about the start of your life as a married couple. Do what the two of you want!!

I am doing the same thing by asking opinions, but I hit a point that nobody was getting ready and I fell behind on decisions. Overall you need to crack down or they won’t listen and that hurts you.

I'm the same way. too lenient with people and not being strict enough when it comes to certain things. I would say when it comes to the wedding itself - just discuss with your fiance. choose what makes you two happy (since it is your day). if it doesn't involve the bridal party specifically don't even bother. With their attire i would definitely ask them weekly. it is important and they cant keep procrastinating. I think its kind enough of you to let them choose their own outfits. best of luck!

I think it is really kind of you to ask your bridesmaids about things that involve them especially if they are footing the bill. Being a wedding can be expensive, time consuming, and stressful so it makes sense to see a little input about things that may directly affect them, such as the dresses they are expected to buy and wear. But for things that don't concern them (YOUR cake, YOUR makeup, YOUR Save the Date) you definitely don't need to ask for permission. This wedding belongs to you and your partner, and you two are the only ones who should have a say (with the exception of anyone else who may be helping you foot the bill, if your mom is paying for your whole wedding and really wants to have a 3-tiered-cake and you want pie instead, compromise may be necessary). You can obviously ask for input or advice if you value their opinion (and you can ask just one of your maids for input and not ask the others), but in the end they shouldn't get a say in things that have absolutely nothing to do with them.

It's your wedding. You plan how you want to plan. I am a control freak (nicknamed the general) but I have learned to lessen on somethings. I am letting my bridesmaids pick their dress out 5 that I liked. I want them to have a say in things but I am giving them a list of things. I have taken into account of a lot of this for my family. We are paying for cabins for my bridal party and pastor to say in along and some of our vendors are having steak dinners (ie bartenders and food servers). I am getting peoples opinions on things however my fiance tells me its my wedding do what you want. So I am. Just letting him say yes or no to things is helping me too. Good thing is he still tends to pick the items I like without him knowing which I liked.

It's your wedding, take control and plan what you want. Your brides should be willing to make you happy.

So I'm totally a control freak BUT also feels like I need to get approval from others (mostly my mom). After my fiance and I talked about how we want this to be OUR day and how WE are the ones paying for everything, it made it easier to just do OUR own thing. We still ask our family and bridal party for opinions but only for little things.

View Quoted Comment Yes! Second wedding here, too- and I’m loving the lessons I learned with the first one: that I need to make decisions that make ME happy. It is so freeing and even 60 days out I know this wedding will reflect who I really am, not who others think I am/want me to be.
I do hope that hearing a couple people saying they have been down this road and learned from it helps you, OP.

Don't overthink anything. It's okay to state what you want, that's not being a bridezilla. It's okay to have your wedding be how you want it to be, as long as you don't get too nit picky. I also let my bridesmaids pick their dresses, they were just told maroon and long (apart from my MOH). Nude or brown shoes, I didn't care flats or heels.

I think you're being very generous, but don't be afraid to say what you want instead of asking permission to have the food and decorations you want. Of course, you should check with your fiance (it's his wedding too after all!) but your bridesmaids will be fine. Maybe use them more as a tie breaker vote on more trivial things.

I used to do this, now I TELL them.... most of them seem annoyed at me, but when I was nice and asked for opinions they would ignore me, took forever to get their gowns etc... so now I just have to be mean at this point

You need to make your own choices and stop asking them. They will begin to get annoyed with you if you're constantly asking them questions on things you should be able to decide on your own. They have their own lives and can't constantly be helping you

Your wedding, Your way! The final decisions are yours to decide.

One thing I learned is that nobody cares. It’s what you and you fiancé want. Your bridesmaids don’t need to help with anything. Tell them what to wear and give them directions for what time to be and where. They are there to be your back bone but not your decision making buddy. That’s you and your fiancé. I’d honestly say ask you closest relative to help you make big choices if you’re really having a hard time deciding because they know you best. Don’t stress out you’ll be fine! Just take a breathe and enjoy your planning it’s your wedding