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Savvy November 2018

Afternoon tea/heavy hors d'oeuvres/dessert Reception

ASP1993, on February 20, 2018 at 9:20 PM

My fiancé and I are planning an intimate wedding with our closest family and friends. It's small (60 guests) because we feel that it's an incredibly personal event that we only want our closest loved ones to attend. We're also on a small budget (we are NOT willing to go into debt for our special day and don't want to go over budget) and are playing around with reception ideas. We know that our family and friends love us regardless but I still want to feel that I'm doing "enough" for them, especially since most are coming from out of town (a few hours drive for most but still). I'm rejecting the wedding industry in so many ways but I'm unsure of this, even though the menu excites my fiancé and I. Our family and friends come from different backgrounds and countries and parts of the country so there is no "norm" to follow. However, we live in North Carolina.

My question is: How would you feel attending a wedding in a woodland setting that has a SLIGHT enchanted forest theme that served an afternoon tea/heavy hors d'oeuvres/dessert style menu? Obviously I'm not sure what to call this yet! Haha. Here's what I'm thinking:

Dessert table

Wedding cake/Cookies/Cupcakes/Pies/Doughnuts

Tea and coffee bar
Tea, coffee, hot chocolate, toppings (sprinkles, whipped cream, etc)/Scones/Coffee cake/Muffins/Croissants/Macaroons/Mini sandwiches

Hors d'oeuvres
Various meats and cheeses/Crackers/Mini Subs/Pinwheel Wraps/Chips and dips/Vegetable platter/Fruit platter

Drinks
Tea/Lemonade/Water/Hard Cider and Beer/Red sangria/White sangria

Another question: What SHOULD I indicate this style of reception as on an invitation? We would absolutely WORD IT CORRECTLY so that guests know that there will be no formal sit down dinner. We will start the reception sometime between 2:30-3:45pm and end between 7pm-8pm. Our timeline isn't complete.

If you have any additional menu suggestions or advice that would definitely help too! Keep in mind that a lot of these items will be bought in bulk from Costco or Sam's but some things (like the cupcakes and doughnuts) will be bought from our favorite local specialty shops.

PS: Please be KIND with your opinions. I've seen some NASTY forums which I why I've NEVER posted but I need suggestions. Thanks!!

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59 Comments

VIP July 2018
AQuixoticBride · on February 21, 2018 at 3:34 PM
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I've been to afternoon high tea and it doesn't go until 7 or 8 o'clock. That's actually what most of the PPs are pointing out.
Dedicated July 2018
janet · on February 21, 2018 at 3:39 PM
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I've been at afternoon tea that started at 4 and lingered until 7. The point is that it's a meal, so she's covered in that regard. Just because she doesn't want to have a carving station doesn't mean she isn't serving a meal.
Master June 2016
Sarah · on February 21, 2018 at 3:39 PM
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When high tea is an evening meal, it includes a hot dish...so, if OP is legitimately trying to host a high tea which would be true for the time of day, she needs to serve a hot (typically meat) entree of some kind.
Dedicated July 2018
janet · on February 21, 2018 at 3:42 PM
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I'm not talking about high tea. We're talking about afternoon tea, which is a completely different thing than high tea. Afternoon tea is never an "evening meal". It's a late afternoon meal, which is exactly the way OP wants to serve it. And high tea never, like never, is served with a "hot plate". This is just factually inaccurate.
Master June 2016
Sarah · on February 21, 2018 at 3:44 PM
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Sorry, Janet, forgot you were an expert in pretentious things. Guess I just know nothing.
Savvy November 2018
ASP1993 · on February 21, 2018 at 3:45 PM
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Thanks again Janet! It’s insane how high and mighty everyone here is acting but they’ve probably never even enjoyed the type of meal I’m planning. I’ve spent considerable time in the UK and had tea there many times. 😂 Once again, just wanted suggestions about what else to add. And wording since it’s not typically done at American weddings. Smh.
Dedicated July 2018
janet · on February 21, 2018 at 3:46 PM
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Google's free, love.
Dedicated July 2018
janet · on February 21, 2018 at 3:47 PM
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If you phrase it as "afternoon tea" and be sure to end the event by seven, I think you'll be golden.
Savvy November 2018
ASP1993 · on February 21, 2018 at 3:47 PM
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I said that I was providing various meats and cheeses in the OP........
Savvy November 2018
ASP1993 · on February 21, 2018 at 3:51 PM
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Love it! I think we’ll start the ceremony at 2, reception from 2:30-7pm. Then we’re all free to continue the nigh elsewhere or go home!
VIP July 2018
AQuixoticBride · on February 21, 2018 at 4:19 PM
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I'm glad you found the answer that you were looking for!
Dedicated March 2018
Shay · on February 21, 2018 at 6:47 PM
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Well you got one or maybe even two to agree with you and thats all we really need right? Lol. I'd really like to know how this goes knowing that you are asking people to travel oot for snacks. This is the beauty of ww everyone has an opinion and your are entitled to do as you may. But personally unless I'm hanging out with you the rest of the night and you staying over night I would probably send you a nice card and present and leave it at that.
Master December 2016
Elizabeth · on February 21, 2018 at 7:04 PM
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Actually, what you asked for is our opinion of what you wanted to serve and we told you. Now you latch on to literally the one poster who agrees with everything you said. So congrats! We're not personally invested in your wedding, so it doesn't affect us one way or the other. But don't ask for advice, then insult everyone who doesn't say what you want them to.
Savvy November 2018
ASP1993 · on February 21, 2018 at 7:52 PM
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Asking people to travel oot for snacks?? 😂😂😂 This is the problem with the wedding industry! And the world in general! We are asking people to come witness us dedicating our life and love to one another in front of God! Not saying this is what you need to believe but it’s about people coming to witness our MARRIAGE. That’s the main event! Not what they eat. It’s insane to me how people let their reception overshadow their ceremony when that’s supposed to be the most important part. If anyone sees such an important moment for us as “traveling for snacks” I don’t want them there and I don’t want them as a friend!
Dedicated March 2018
Shay · on February 21, 2018 at 8:33 PM
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Listen I'm not breaking the bank for my wedding day and don't feel bad about it. We are barely spending anything and our day will be so special. I would love my cousin to come all the way from Va to share and my day but I wouldn't dare let her spend $400 for a plane ticket to see a 30 min ceremony with light refreshments following unless i was planning to visit with her the whole weekend. So if you feel comfortable with what you are doing do you. She probably would do it because she loves me that much but I'm sticking to my immediately family that's right around the corner and they won't have an issue. No one is against what you want to do but we are all saying your time frame doesn't really work for what you are serving. So you get mad at us for our opinion. And you are serving snacks lol. So let your guests know upfront what your menu is and your time frame. So they can all meet up and find something to do later because that's what you suggested. Either they go home or find something to do. But it's your day not mine so you do what works for you
Dedicated March 2018
Shay · on February 21, 2018 at 8:36 PM
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Oh and also I Believe that wedding should based on what God intends it to be. Two becoming one flesh. I get it. And receptions have gone crazy. But don't be surprised if people may be looking for more if you are asking them to come see YOU. Especially if they are traveling. That's why the best way to save money is kept it simple and small and intimate.

Super October 2018
MaltedMilk · on February 21, 2018 at 8:53 PM
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This is why WW has become somewhat entertaining lately. A person asks for advice, 38 out of 40 people say "Whoa there Nelly, let's re-think this" and 2 people say "You go girl, it is YOUR day!" and the 38 are "rude." I am paraphrasing, but I think the message is clear.
OP - You asked for advice, we gave it. Your light refreshments are not enough for a reception that runds from 2-7:30.
"It’s insane to me how people let their reception overshadow their ceremony when that’s supposed to be the most important part." The ceremony is for you and groom, the reception is to thank them for coming. Both parts are important, obviously, but for different reasons. The first is the legal part that you gotta do to be wed, the second part is to thank your guests for coming and to properly host them.