Age Differences?!

Hi Valerie! Kudos to you for being brave enough to talk about your fears here and more importantly with your fiance. While age is just a number I think your feelings are completely valid and normal. Nobody knows what is going to happen 10 yrs down the line regardless of ages. It sure seems like your fiance loves you for you not how old are. I think as long as you have things in common, enjoy learning and growing together, and have the same life goals the age gap is not a big deal. As far as his family goes if they judge you they judge thats a them issue not a you issue. Often though the thing that matters the most to parents/relatives is that their son/daughter/brother/sister etc is loved and cared for. All you can do is show them how much you love their son and how excited you are to be a part of their family. I don't think you have to broadcast your age and relationship history but if it comes up be open about it. Everyone has a past it makes us who we are and your partner loves you for the person you are now. When I was younger I wouldn't date anyone younger then me it was a hard rule but as I got older I realized how silly that is my fiance is 14mths younger than me but honestly I forget that sometimes because it s not really important. As far as what to tell yourself, if you were replying to this post what you write. I often remind myself to treat/speak to/about myself the way I would a friend. Be kind to yourself, you deserve and are worthy of your sweet love celebrate it and happy planning

My husband and I have a 10 year age gap, and there were absolutely things that worried me a bit when we were first dating. But we love each other so so much and are so happy! We crack jokes about the age difference now and neither of our families or our friends care at all. Its all about the people in love, not their ages, educations, finances, etc

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for your empathetic response! You’re completely right, it’s not something we have to broadcast at all. Moreso it’s just my social anxiety making me worry proactively about imaginary situations where it comes up and I make it awkward 😅

The previous marriages just kind of came out in natural conversation hanging out with him and his sister for the first time when she asked some kind of wedding question and I said something like “well at my last one, …” then realized her face had changed and then I felt so weird and over explained myself and internally panicked lol. I hate social anxiety and I know it causes me to judge myself way more harshly than others do!

Trying my best to focus on the wonderful relationship I have (seriously feels like I’m having a sleepover with my best friend every night) and ignore these nagging worries!! I think all the criticism and disapproval that came from my ex and his family have scarred me pretty bad. It’s hard to tell yourself “you’re not in danger anymore…you’re safe here” after years of emotional abuse. But I’m with someone who is helping me learn to open up again, and honestly I never knew it was possible to be so happy, loved, and supported in a relationship.

View Quoted Comment Awe that us wonderful to hear!!

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Its hard to break old habits but it sounds like you have found a great person and are building a beautiful happy and healthy relationship. Cheers to you both and congrats!

All my better friends are older than I. It always seems a bit sad when people have really big age differences but seeming too different to share a life. Enjoy having found a mate.

I don’t have an age gap, but his family is very Christian and I’m Pagan. I lied to his family and said I’m agnostic, but I know for a fact some family members see me as the little heathen-harlot that is stealing him away and walking him down the corrupt road of sin since I refuse to go to their church (very anti-LBGTQ+ and I’m Bi). My fiancé somehow escaped all the brainwashing, but man. It’s gonna be interesting when those things eventually come out. My hott take….. if your hubby doesn’t care and will stand by you who cares what they say or think???

I am 9 years older than my husband and was married before. It has lasted 21 years so far and is still strong. Like you, people thought I was younger than my age (mom’s genes too). We never mentioned it to anyone in the beginning because it didn’t come up.

Don’t let your insecurities jinx your relationship. We deserve to be happy, feel free to message me if you ever need a pep talk.

There is a formula

The formula is you take your age and subtract 7 then double that result. The oldest a 22 year old should date is 30. In the other direction is to take half your age and add 7. A thirty year old can date a 22 year old. It almost makes sense but I don't think it is scientific.

View Quoted Comment Oh man you remind me of my little sister and what she’s going through!! We grew up Mormon, and she recently left the faith, is heavily into witchcraft, and also bi (as am I). Still living in Utah and married to her Mormon husband (who is surprisingly VERY supportive of her being who she is), she battles this all the time. What to be honest about and what to hide…not out of shame, but just to conserve energy and not open cans of worms that could bring battles she doesn’t care to fight. My heart goes out to you!!

View Quoted Comment Now if only this formula could make me less self conscious about these age spots starting to appear and these fine lines becoming less “fine” LOL 😂

View Quoted Comment I’m glad her husband is supportive. That is a huge help. 🥰

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Sorry. that formula did not show up on an internet search. I think you will be okay though.

Dh is 20 years older than I am