Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

mrswinteriscoming
VIP December 2021

aita - distancing from a Friend?

mrswinteriscoming, on January 28, 2020 at 5:39 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9
Hi Brides


This is totally not wedding related, I just need to rant. I think I’m going to distance myself from my best friend and I want some unbiased opinions on whether I’m doing the right thing, or if I’m being totally irrational.
I met my best friend a few years ago and it was wonderful. She was supportive, intellectually great to talk to, there for me when I needed her, we travelled the world etc.
In recent months however she’s changed, I’ve noticed she’s become quite judgmental and has to have her two cents put in everything - I can’t do something without her commenting. Ie
1) told her my wedding dress was a lace mermaid style like I wanted but joked that I’d struggle to go to the bathroom since it was so tight fitted - ‘oh well I knew I should have gone shopping with you! I would’ve made you get something you could actually walk in’
2) my fiancé is scared of flying and now I am also quite scared myself having developed the fear recently - she told me ‘I’ll get you and [FH] therapy lessons for your wedding present!’
3) we were talking about how we nice as it is to have money, most people aren’t loaded, so when I said ‘I’d rather be a poor man’s wife but be happy than in a loveless marriage to a rich man’ she was quick to tell me that I failed miserably at finding a rich husband!
Half the time she is ‘joking’ and isn’t malicious but it’s just infuriating. If we used to speak non stop every day, in the last few months I feel like every time I talk to her she says something rude or that’s totally none of her business and it’s exhausting! Am I wrong for wanting to distance myself a bit?

9 Comments

Latest activity by mrswinteriscoming, on January 28, 2020 at 3:46 PM
  • Kathryn
    VIP August 2020
    Kathryn ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Not wrong! It sounds like she's not being the best of friends at the moment - maybe she's jealous of you getting married? If she can't keep her judgemental opinions to herself, she can be excused from information. Honestly, weddings are stressful enough and life is too short for you to stress over it. Focus on you and your wedding.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Master September 2018
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I don't think she is being rude, my best friend and I talk like that to each other all the time. We are brutally honest but supportive. We have always been like that, but if you feel like she has changed and you are not being sensitive then def talk to her about it before you distance yourself. If she is your best friend you really should discuss it and hear her out, she may not realize that she has changed.


    • Reply
  • Alma
    Expert October 2020
    Alma ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    She sounds like she may be a little jealous. I know some friends get along that way ...but it doesn’t sound like you guys were like this before . If she makes you feel like crap, i would distance myself too. Who needs that type of negativity?
    • Reply
  • Kaysey
    Super February 2020
    Kaysey ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Honestly only you can answer this for yourself. In my personal opinion, I would distance myself from the negativity. There is no need to have negativity in your life from a person you can control if you talk to or not. If a best friend, or any friend, makes you feel insecure, talks down on your future spouse and makes fun of your fears, you don't need them. Within the last 2 years I had to cut out a friend who I thought was my best friend. He constantly put me down and was rude. It wasn't until I finally shut him out all together that I realized how rude and manipulative he really was. I can tell you, since cutting him out of my life, I am so much happier and my other friends and family members have noticed the change. It may be hard at first, but it will feel great once you have peace and you're happier.

    • Reply
  • S
    Expert October 2020
    Shaina ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Not wrong at all. After hearing those backhanded comments I would distance myself as well. It is nice to have a break for a while. She is very opinionated about your life smh.

    • Reply
  • A
    Super February 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    It sounds like she’s joking, but I understand how you’re feeling. If I were you I’d distance myself from the toxic negative behavior. Your dont want that around, and it gives you bad feels too. So best to steer clear of someone who makes you feel uncomfortable.
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I don’t think that these things are necessarily meant as mean, but if that’s how they’re making you feel, TELL HER THAT. Don’t just disappear on a best friend. Have a heart to heart, tell her that lately you’re feeling judging in every conversation in a way that it’s making her difficult to talk to, that even when she is just joking, some comments are still hurtful to you. Tell her how she’s making you feel. Friendships are just like relationships, they take some work and require communication. Maybe you have this conversation and she doesn’t change and things don’t improve— then, yes, step back. But I think it’s worth a conversation.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    It doesn't sound like she is being malicious. I truly believe she is attempting to be humorous and it isn't being perceived correctly. You may be stressed and taking things as "stabs" verses "jokes." When I think of malicious comments, I think of comments that are made to cause harm. Take your mermaid gown for example. She could have said, "mermaid gowns don't offer ease of movement and are hideous, and you should have thought things threw before buying." That is mean! Making a comment about her being there and how she would have helped you make a different decision isn't so bad. I think this comes down to communication and perception.
    • Reply
  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    After the whole ‘therapy as a wedding present’ situation I confronted her because I was livid and what she said was totally inappropriate and upsetting. She immediately apologized and encouraged me to call her out if she said things that upset me.


    Call it honesty maybe but I feel like unless you’re asking for the commentary, the things she’s forced her opinion into were better left without her judgment. We all give out our unwanted opinions all the time but I don’t appreciate it in every part of my life that comes up in conversation!
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics