Aita?

A lot of people on here will say your bridesmaids should dress the way they want but I feel like there should be a middle ground where they feel beautiful while adapting to your vision because although they should feel comfortable and beautiful, it is your day so you should have a say. This is just how me and my friends feel about the issue, I’m sure there are many differing opinions!

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See this is interesting to me! Here the bridesmaids wear what the bride wants, have their hair and makeup the way the bride wants, and it's usually paid for entirely by the bride. (This is a generalisation though, not every bride does it this way) So the choices are very heavily bride focused which is why I was so surprised she decided to take issue with this... especially blue?? When you're a bridesmaid?? She hasn't dyed her hair for almost two years, why suddenly my wedding??

I'm personally of the opinion that the bride can choose her bridesmaid's clothes, but that's it. Hair, makeup, etc. is all fair game. One of my bridesmaids mentioned wanting rainbow hair for my wedding. We had a pretty formal wedding so I wasn't too keen on the idea, but I kept my mouth shut. She often does crazy things with her hair, so that's just her. She ultimately had normal colored hair (but with part of it shaved). However, I didn't feel like it was my right to tell her what color hair she can have.

I’m imagining that you want her to look herself and still coordinate with the rest of the bridal party. Does she normally wear her hair blue? I wouldn’t really want to ask someone to change their hair for my wedding but I also wouldn’t expect them to try to outshine me. I would try to explain to her your vision and see how you think the blue hair interferes with your vision. If she disagrees, she’s not really being as supportive as she should be.

View Quoted Comment Yes so I agree, however I am not paying for my bridesmaids hair and makeup but I am also not dictating what they do with their hair/makeup. I have never been in a situation where my BM asked to dye their hair because honestly they know better and that’s not their style anyways, so it’s hard for me to have an objective opinion! But if I were in that situation, I would let them do what they wanted with their hair because “outshining the bride” was never something I was concerned or cared about as a bride. But every bride is different so it is hard to give advice

Honestly and truly... this literally doesn't matter.

Friendships matter, family matters, but a few pictures featuring blue hair is going to be fine. Her hair really isn't up to you--she has an entire life and your wedding is a day (I'm sure an important day, but a day nonetheless) to her. I really feel like so much of what some consider to be "bridesmaid drama" would disappear if brides and grooms would focus a hell of a lot less on their expectations of friends and family. I'd vote to let this one go--it's just not worth the argument with a loved one.

Friendships are more important than hair color. Acceptance means more that how her hair looks. Accept her for who she is with blue hair and let it go. I mean theoretically no I wouldn't prefer it if one of my bridesmaids told me she wanted blue/red hair for my wedding but I also wouldn't tell MY FRIEND to not be in the wedding then. Just my opinion

If your bridesmaid usually colored her hair then I would agree she should do so for your wedding. However, she specifically came to you and asked if it would bother you. You answered truthfully. She would not have asked if she didn't already know the answer. Friendship goes both ways. There is absolutely no reason to be upset at you about hair color and vice versa. she specifically wants to dye her hair for your wedding. If she wants blue hair she can dye it for her wedding. I don't agree with the 'it's your day you get whatever you want', but I do believe that people can manage to get through a wedding without needing to pull attention on to themselves.

I think brides should let their bridesmaids be themselves, but at the same time, I also think that someone else's wedding isn't the time to experiment with your look. And if in your culture things are done a certain way, that's how things are done.


I think it's strange that your friend asked for your opinion and then got upset when you gave it. I'm sure she knew you wouldn't agree and brought it up anyway. And then it's more strange that her next suggestion was to have the same hair as you. She may be feeling left out or is worried that your friendship is changing now that you're getting married. Hopefully you can talk to her and figure out what's reay going on because I have a feeling that it's not much to do with hair.

Yeah I’d flip if one of my bridesmaids dyed their have blue. Think of how it will look in pictures. But that’s just me I’m very picky.

View Quoted Comment Exactly! She came to you asking how you would feel, which indicates that she knew it could be an issue. Moreover, it shows that she realizes such a big change is something you should be aware of – and that she even asked you to weigh in on. I would ask her if she would consider waiting until after the wedding, explaining your concerns. While it is ultimately her choice what to do with her hair, hopefully there is a way to talk through those issues together. You are putting a lot of time, resources and love into creating a singularly special day that only happens once. Hair is a temporary thing that really doesn’t have any time-specific necessity (speaking as someone who changes my hair on a near constant basis). I doubt that blue hair is absolutely essential to her identity and existence, since it seems like she’s fishing around for other options (like red), let alone uniquely urgent in this moment. You’ve made a huge choice in asking her to stand with you as your MOH on one of the most important days of your life, so ideally her support if you as her friend through all of this will balance out and instead be a help to you in creating the day you’ve been planning and dreaming of.

People are more important than the aesthetics of pictures. Full stop.

If it matters to you, then it matters. But that could mean risking her friendship possibly and that's something you have to choose as the bride. I personally feel that it is you and your husbands day and that if they are the right people to stand by your side, they will do that, and stand by your side with your decisions.

If she wants to dye her hair, that's fully her choice. As it is your choice to have her in your wedding or not. Seems like you both have to make decisions on what you both want.

Good luck!

I think dictating hair color goes a little too far. I personally feel that bridesmaid should wear what you want them to and should take part in events the way you would like, but dictating their hair color seems a bit much to me. I understand why you wouldn't want the colors to clash, but unless you're paying for her hair color, it isn't really up to you. Plus, it seems like she may normally be into doing fun hair colors, and if that is the case, you should have been aware of that prior to asking her to be your bridesmaid.

She asked, so she knew it might spark tension. You gave an answer and she should respect it and keep it moving. So no you are not the AITA. Yes, friendships are way more important than “looks in a photo” but friends don’t ask DA questions that they already know the answer to.


Hey my hair hasn’t been a color in 2 years, can I dye it blue for YOUR wedding?... sounds very petty to me.

She asked to dye her hair specifically for the wedding and you answered her question that you prefer her to not have blue hair. You will continue to get a wide range of perspectives on here. Usually BMs are accomodating to the bride and what the bride prefers, I could maybe understand if there was another event close to the time of your wedding that she wants her hair blue for but she wants it specifically for your wedding. My bridesmaids have tattoos and they asked me if I wanted them to cover their tattoos w makeup. I told them NO! They told me they were willing to if I wanted them to because they felt tattoos in wedding pics aren’t classy. I have no problem wit their tats.


If I were you I would talk to ur friend. Tell her you want her to be happy too and try to find middle ground. Is her hair long enough to get it styled by s hairstylist? Maybe tell her yes to color her hair only if shes willing to get it styled for the wedding. If not try to understand both sides and hopefully ur friend will respect your wish especially since she asked and u answered honestly

As you've seen on here already, there are a wide range of opinions on this topic and the general consensus (especially on other websites) seems to lean towards you can't dictate your BM's hair color. So I know my opinion is controversial, but...

I think you are 100% within your rights to expect and even require your BMs to have normal colored hair. Yes, if she always wears it blue, you knew what you were getting. But if you've known her with normal hair and she up and decided to dye it a wacky color right before the wedding - sorry but that's disrespectful IMO. I have a friend, a GM, who lost his hair to chemo. Aside from knowing he wants his hair back, it doesn't bother me if he doesn't have hair at the wedding - he's my friend and I want him by my side however he looks. But to purposefully wear something to make yourself stand out from everyone else in the wedding party just on a whim, whether that's weird hair, fangs, gauges, getting a huge tattoo a week before the wedding, whatever, is disrespectful to me. I realize that's a controversial opinion but that's what I think. If I was in a wedding I would make sure I looked the way the bride, who I supposedly care about, wanted me to look.

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She has NEVER done anything crazy with her hair. She does often have red hair, which I am *ok" with but I feel kind of sad that it interferes with my vision for my own outfit. I do want her to look like herself, which is her natural colour or sometimes she does a slightly blonder vision. It's the blue I REALLY have an issue with.

Also thank you everyone for your opinions. I REALLY appreciate all sides to this, even the ones who think I am being unreasonable. I totally get it -

The biggest issue is that she asked me about it and then got mad when she didn't like the reply - She NEVER does crazy things with her hair. She does often have red, which Im not totally against, because it's her thing. It's just not how I envisioned it, But that's my issue, not hers. It's the blue thing that really got to me, this event is important to me.

She causes me much stress almost daily over the wedding (she criticises how stressful my wedding is because hers was "sooooo low key and fun") she tells me every day when she eats cheeseburgers, knowing that I've already put in the order for her dress and the measurements can't be changed. She complains that I've chosen converse shoes as part of the bridal outfit and she can't wear heels like she wants. Honestly, this is all on me for choosing someone who won't respect the choices I want. I do love her and she is an awesome friend but this is obviously not healthy for either of us. The fact she hasn't spoken to me in four days says to me that she shouldn't be in my bridal party.

View Quoted Comment Shes being petty and throwing a quiet tantrum. If I were you I still wouldn’t ask her to step down. Ik how it feels to have a BM that you constantly have a problem with and one thing after the other gets tiring. I would try to be the bigger person and reach out to her again. Even tho u kind of feeling whatever about her being a bm try to reassure her u care for her and things didn’t end like u had hoped last time. If she doesn’t respond well Again then at least you tried and thr ball is in her court.