- thinking she can single handedly do EVERYTHING the day of; even though I’ve politely reminded her a lot of this doesn’t have to even cross our mind/ we won’t be doing it ourselves and I want the getting ready period to be vibing with my girls (She wants to do everyone’s hair and makeup, I know I will have a beauty team and it’s optional for the girls, she wants to do all the decor even though my venue has a day of coordinator, insists she can teach herself to do acrylic nails and do my nails for me instead of simply getting them done by my nail tech, etc)
- She wants to make a playlist and have every single song planned for the entire event not taking into account that it’s the DJ’s job to change up the music with how the party is going, what guests want to hear etc.
- I’ve mentioned that I don’t plan on doing favors and she insists that we should burn mix tape cd’s to give everyone with music from the night.
- She keeps saying she wants to do the calligraphy for everything that needs it even though I’ve pointed out there’s no need for it (not doing place cards, and we’re 6 hours apart so I don’t think it makes sense to order save the dates & invites, send them to her & wait for her to be done and send them back to me) and I plan on using my silhouette for any signage.
- Insists i should let her set up a ‘bud’ bar since this is a legal state even though my fiancée and I have no interest in it/ don’t want the drama from conservative relatives.
- My fiancée and I have already decided furbabies will not be physically there (we know how they are and we know it’s too much of a stimulating day for them) and she has been coming up with non stop ‘solutions’ so they will be there.
- Not taking into consideration the type of venue/ the type of decor I want. (Honestly this is why I wonder if ITAH and being super picky but at the same time she’ll be like omg this can totally be your card box. *grabs really old scrapbook storage box next to her* and like…… no.)
- Mention I want to do an affordable wine tasting weekend or something for the bachelorette and she’s like oh the week before the wedding we can do a Bach night in our hometown (all my bridal party members are traveling from different areas so I can’t justify them spending all this traveling money for a one night in a boring town, I’ve let her know if she can’t afford to go it’s okay and we can celebrate amongst ourselves another time)
- I mention the bridal party color is sage green and she’s constantly pushing the multi colored dress trend. “Hey lots of people do this now.” “I’m aware…. My wedding color is sage green.”
A lot of these examples really aren’t that big of a deal, but I know fellow brides can relate to how…. Uncalled for it is. I’ve already told her lots of times it’s way too soon to even worry about a lot of this/ we’re not at that planning stage yet, and was going to firmly show her what I’m doing for creative aspects, timeline for day of, etc.
The other day she messaged me: omg I found this dress in my moms closet and it’s perfect for a bridesmaid dress!!!! And that really rubbed me the wrong way. It’s not sage green, it’s a super shiny satin, and has a leg slit/ is low cut spaghetti straps. (1. I plan on everyone having the same color and will be getting the dresses through azazie so the dye lot is the same. 2. Every style dress in my showroom has some sort of lace detailing/ are made of the same material so the looks are still cohesive. 3. I was very budget friendly and chose very affordable options/ conservative dress styles because honestly we’re all curvy so I want to make sure we all look classy) I’m a very understanding person and know that being in a wedding adds up so I’m definitely empathetic to if she’s trying to save money but like….. I could never imagine having a bride tell me what her plans are for the bridal party and just going “hey I’m gonna do this instead.”
I haven’t just outright told her no because I’m aware it probably is to save money and I feel for her…. But she also knew what she was signing up for when she said yes. Asking for any and all tips/ experiences etc. for how to set planning boundaries/ making duties and expectations clear without hurting feelings would really be appreciated! ❤️
