Alcohol alternatives and options— do i have a good plan?

You could serve or self serve tea, water, sodas, and even a wedding colored punch. People could easily mix liquor in the punch or sodas

View Quoted Comment Thank you! This might sound silly but how does this look? Buying a bunch of stuff from Costco and setting it up with cute suggestions on what to mix? Having water or cider or something in a big clear jug that might run out? Having a keg? Lol I just can’t picture it bc all the weddings I’ve been to, I have been served. Thank you!!

I suggest hiring a bartender to come to your event to serve beer, wine, etc. They can do mixed drinks too. If you have Total Wine, they can give you a free consultation, help you guys buy things, and they accept returns for things no opened after.


In a lot of states it's required that some sort of professional serves alcohol during the wedding. And you may need a license from the state for the day.
For the coffee, I hope they have several decaf options. Some people don't drink caffeine that late.
It's definitely fine to not have alcohol at all or limited options though, as long as your guests sort of know in advance.
Hope this helps. Good luck!

If you're planning to have alcohol available, I would hire a bartender. Someone needs to have an eye on consumption and the condition of your guests.

ETA: it's definitely not against etiquette to have a dry wedding, but it might not create the party atmosphere you're after, although this is very crowd dependent.

View Quoted Comment Thank you, I’ll check it out!! Our vendor said we could bring our own without a vendor and we do have a one day insurance thing to sign. They also do have decaf coffee and teas as well for the coffee caterer! Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Ugh! Yeah, I don’t necessarily want a dry wedding, we both want people to just have fun. But I don’t love the idea of hiring someone. I don’t think anyone will get to the point of needing to be watched. We’re having a smaller wedding of under 90 people. I was hoping to be able to get ideas for a self serve alcohol table with shooters they can add to their drinks🙃

You can provide water, tea, soda and sparkling cider along with the alcohol. I have noticed that guests don't get as sloppy when you serve only wine and beer with no hard liquor, so that's what we did. Many venues don't allow shots for that reason.

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I would honestly look at the law around liability and the self-serve unmonitored bar. You as the hosts are responsible, in most places, for any unintended consequences of this.

Shooters are probably the least safe choice, in my opinion.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this.


Self serve alcohol is asking for something bad to happen because no one is supervising anything and in some states/counties, that is illegal. You can do whatever you want in your backyard, but once you use a public place, you are bound by local laws even if the vendor says you don’t have to follow that. If anything bad happens, you are the one legally responsible, not the venue who allowed it to happen.
On a separate note, unless I read it wrong, your original post contradicts itself. In one sentence, you say you don’t want to pay for alcohol because it has triggers for you. That is valid despite many vocal opponents, and many couples actually have very successful dry weddings for that reason, and it’s all about the vibe you bring that guests mimic. That contradicts your statement about wanting to serve alcohol because those are opposite usually.
2-3 hours is standard for a dry reception including whatever meal/dessert is served. A standard wedding venue that provides alcohol and dancing in addition is one hour longer that crams in dancing and toasts, so it’s not that much difference at the end. As for what guests do at a dry reception, the same as at one that serves alcohol: they socialize. If there is a dj, then they dance. It’s not as earthshakingly different as people like to think. Serve whatever you want but make sure you stay legal and get a bartender if you plan to have alcohol.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! This is what I was thinking about doing!

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! That is helpful. We don’t really anticipate many of our guests drinking much so I’m less worried about that aspect and more worried about people having options and not feeling forced to stay sober because we are!

View Quoted Comment Thank you! We are not too concerned about anything happening. We have hotels next to the venue and plenty of either sober people or people who will only have a glass or two of something.

View Quoted Comment Yes, I see what you’re saying! I guess for me, it feels like less of a focus of the wedding if it’s set up on a table on one side of the room for people to mix in themselves than if we had a full on bar. When we host parties at home, we do buy beer and that is also fine it’s just somehow less of a big thing this way (at least in my mind). It feels like a happy middle ground. Not dry but not a focus, an option. We want people to dance and have fun and not feel like we’re forcing our sober lives on them because we honestly don’t care. It’s weird when we go out to dinner and people who normally would get a drink don’t because they fear we’ll be triggered. We want people to not dance around us yet we’re not going to have a real bar at our wedding. It does feel contradictory even to myself which is why we thought a station as an option would be a good idea 👍🏻

Here to validate and support your consideration of your guest among your journey through sober living. Very commendable. I will echo others and say that having a bartender on site is less about not trusting your guests as it is about liability. Same applies if you cook your own food for a wedding, you are solely responsible for any and every illness, allergic reaction, tampering, etc. Even if you only hire someone for a couple of hours to just help guests with feeling like guests and getting the expletive of service it can make a world of difference. And it also saves you a headache later if for any reason something is expired, someone feels tempted to drink a little too much, or any part of the venue is damaged by a sober person, you have no recourse since no one can say how much anyone was served. I know it’s an extra expense but in my experience it’s worth it. We had a bottle of wine that had turned (expired) and instead of us been responsible for that, the bar was. Maybe even a trusted friend to field these kinds of things could be worth it too. Good luck!!

A bartender can also serve nonalcoholic drinks like sodas, so just having a bartender doesn’t make alcohol the focus. You can have a little menu up on the bar that lists all your fun nonalcoholic options and also has some alcohol.


Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with just having a dry wedding. People don’t need alcohol to have fun. Have nonalcoholic drinks and your fancy coffees and have a blast! But for all sorts of practical and legal reasons, if you want alcohol I’d strongly recommend a bartender.

You can always set up cute buckets with ice and canned/bottled beverages. You can decorate them with signs, flowers, anything. That allows self-serve without worrying about pouring. I've seen this done in a classy way. Alternatively, I agree with Andrea that a bartender for NA and alcoholic beverages is a good idea because even waiting in line for their drink gives people something to do and people to mingle and chat with.