Alcohol at LDS reception

@ Becklynn once more for the folks in the back! Seriously @morgan they aren't pulling this shit out of thin air, it is rude not to properly host your guests. If you don't want to be a good host, elope. Or have a cake and punch reception at a non-meal time and don't expect a huge turnout. Not providing your guests with proper beverages and food is a dick move, not everyone attending her wedding is LDS and may wish to consume alcohol, which should be provided for free to them. The ceremony is for you, the reception is for your guests. FFS.

I've been to LDS weddings & never expected alcohol. You go hang out for a little bit and leave. I never found it rude bc I knew my LDS friends didn't drink.

On the bright side they always had awesome candy bars!

However the time I went to a dry wedding when I knew the couple actually drank alcohol and did provide it to save money I was pretty annoyed. Most people left shortly after dinner.

I've been to a few dry weddings and it killed it. To each their own I guess.

Amy, your best bet would be to not have a typical dinner/dance reception.............do an afternoon cake and punch party. People should be fine without alcohol for that. In my mind it's more of meeting your guests expectations than it is..."you have to have alcohol in order to properly host". Modify their expectations by the type of event you have. Make it a "vintage" wedding. My parent's generation and even most of mine...........never had evening receptions or dinners and dances. We are talking early 70's.

Don't do it.

If you and your faith do not allow liquor... do not have it.

tell FMIL that this is how you were raised and this is your stance.

I am not LDS but my family is. I have never been to an LDS wedding that served alcohol and frankly, I would feel uncomfortable drinking at an LDS wedding.

I don't think it makes you a bad host to not serve alcohol at your wedding because it is YOUR wedding and drinking is clearly something you to not believe in.

I've been to a few LDS weddings. None of them had alcohol. I don't think any rational person who has LDS friends or is familiar with the culture would expect alcohol at an LDS reception. My LDS friend's husband's parents snuck in alcohol into their son's wedding (in which I was a BM) and kept offering it to me as they all know I drink, I thought it was so disrespectful to my dear friend and it made me far more upset/uncomfortable than the dry wedding did.

If the majority of your guests are LDS and his mum is the outlier, you'd be offending far more people by providing alcohol than by having a dry wedding. IMO religious reasons are an exception to the rule against dry weddings.

LDS people aren't offended by alcohol. To me, this is a no brainer IF you plan on hosting properly. If not, just have the 'cultural hall/cupcakes/' LDS reception that IMO is no fun.

@Hope- wow. Way to insult a religion.

188 posts later, I'm still waiting for someone to tell me why any religion can tell anyone not to drink. It's NOT in the bible, that is a HUMAN made rule, and all too often it's trotted out as some proof that the people who abide by it are somehow more holy than those who don't. Which, I"m sorry, is not true. But no one will ever tell me because no one knows. Some pastor told them it is evil and that's the unexamined bottom line.

And the basic rules of hosting still apply; unless every single person is of your persuasion, you should offer alcohol of some sort. Or elope. Or invite ten of your non drinking friends to go out for ice cream and sweet tea.

And I'm sorry, at the bottom of most of this is money. As so many people have written, you can offer alcohol and not partake yourself, but making every guest toe your imposed line is rude.

And for any religion to think that its hierarchy is 'holy' enough to ban relatives from a ceremony is flat out wrong. There is no one in a position of political power that should be able to deem anyone not fit to enter a house of God. Sorry.

Religion is a funny thing. People just pick and choose what they want to follow to make themselves feel better about themselves or others.

How often do you see 100% true followers who follow everything?

This is why I am not religious, I believe it pulls people apart more than it brings people together.

I read about 2/3 of the comments and I know that this discussion has taken a different turn for the most part, but I just wanted to add... That if I was a vegan, I wouldn't make all my guests eat a vegan meal at my wedding. Same idea although obviously not religiously tied, but still usually strong personal feelings about why I would not consume any animal products. But I wouldn't project that onto my guests who are not vegan. Anyways, just my 2¢.

I've never been liked on these forums, and I'm willing to add to that for you- If you don't want to due to religion, don't. If you are footing the bill, then tell FMIL that you appreciate her concern, but you'd really rather not. If FMIL is helping, try to find a way to compromise in another area (Perhaps food?) but do stand firm. They may have some say, but they don't run the show either. I agree you need to properly host your guests, but as long as they have food, something to drink that's more than just water, and entertainment, there's nothing wrong. If your guests cannot understand that you would not like alcohol at your wedding, they need not come. It isn't just about you, but it's about celebrating the marriage with them, and you can have fun without alcohol provided you get creative. Maybe have a mock-tail bar? No alcohol, but perhaps still fun. Plus, those that are underage can enjoy themselves as well

Celia, I get your point. Believe me, when my aunt and uncle were left outside, all dressed up with no place to go, it was a conversation that looped through the family for years. To me, it seems excessively cruel, and no, personally, I don't see an iota of a loving deity or a hint of holiness in such a practice. I see exclusion...human exclusion. As a mother, my throat would have been so tight, I couldn't have hidden my tears and embarrassment after having been deemed, as the MOG, unclean.

I've struggled with man made aspects of religious dogma for years. I can't get specific because one of the biggest topics is off limits on this board, but believe me, the outcome of what I've seen doesn't even hint of concern, let alone the love of God.

I'm not attacking any religion -- but I am pointing out a mindset, a mindset that I heard perfectly articulated a few years ago (and I cannot remember who said it): "Convince the faithful adherent to any religion that 'thus says God', and you can convince them to do anything." Anything. That's a big word.

And nobody should mistake Double Ring Nancy for Nancy of Barefoot Weddings. I mention that because someone asked if Nancy was a vendor, and we do have a vendor named Nancy. She's incredibly helpful and knowledgeable, and she's a rather frequent poster.

ETA: And Hope, telling anyone that their wedding will suck goes beyond saying that people may leave early, not have as much fun, or that it will dull. "Suck" goes beyond, "I would probably decline or leave after dinner." "Suck" carries a heavy connotation, a gutter connotation, and I think was cruel to say that to another bride. In fact, that's the kind of comment that gives credibility to those who (erroneously) post on this board saying that people who are only coming to your wedding for a "free drunk" shouldn't come. People should be able to find value in a wedding ceremony, but if there is no alcohol, even wine, I don't believe they should be expected to sit around for five more hours sipping on lemonade. But to say that the entire event "sucked" goes too far.

Beer and wine. Listen to Celia and Swin. It always makes me laugh when I see all of these man made rules in religions. When I was younger I used to attend a Spanish Pentecostal church that had rules against drinking, women wearing nail polish, necklaces, pants, etc. I think it's all bs personally. At the end of the day as a Christian all I care about is my relationship with God. All these other rules seem very controlling and judgemental when it comes to religion. And no caffeine because it's addicting? Many things can be addicting, and people can also be addicted to things like sugar and even food. All sounds like a bunch of bs to me. Think about your guests. Your wedding isn't only just about you. Your ceremony is about you and your FH's union, but your reception is about your guests. Host them properly. Whether your reason you tell them is because of your religion or not, you will still come off looking cheap.

Natalie, don't forget the hair cutting prohibition -- for women only -- except for the bangs (at least that's the way it was in my corner of the woods). And now, I should leave, before I get into trouble.

Ah yes! @Rachel how could I forget about that! None of these man made rules have anything to do with your relationship with God.

As PP said, beer and wine seems like a good option

This entire thread was very entertaining! Not to keep beating a dead horse but this isn't "Your day". This is your wedding, people will (may) have to take off work, hire a babysitter, if they are coming from out of town---Airfare/gas/ hotel room... spend money to buy nice clothes, an expensive gift from your registry/give cash to witness your ceremony! A reception is a thank you for your guests, Nothing including religion should stop you from properly hosting your guests. Beer and wine are acceptable options and your LDS people can have their beverages. FMIL is correct and you should listen to her...