Alcohol at Wedding - Fiancé is in AA

I have never been a huge drinker but the thought of not serving ANY alcohol at my own wedding kind of concerns me. I would never allow things to get out of hand and I'd like to think everyone in our life would remember this as well. I just think it is not unreasonable to serve some sort of alcohol. I also know that his AA friends will be attending though. So, I'd like to get someone's opinion on how you would approach this! I plan to discuss it with my FH this weekend. Thank you in advance!

I think this is a case where it is completely appropriate to have a dry wedding. It may not be their problem but they are there to support the bride and groom. They will understand.

I agree with Amanda B. ^

First of all, congratulations to your fiancé on three years of sobriety! That's a huge accomplishment.

Your concerns are justified. Here is my thought: ask your fiancé if he is comfortable having beer and wine at the reception. A huge part of recovery is accountability; truly, it isn't likely that he or his AA friends will pick up in a room with quite a few people who know they're in recovery. This is especially true for your fiancé, but I think you need to ask him what he is comfortable with. I wouldn't make plans solely around the comfort level of his AA friends--as you said, they are in charge of their own recovery and they can make the decision to attend or not to attend, knowing that there may be alcohol there.

I think it is appropriate in this case for a dry wedding. I think you should tell him your concerns, but ultimately I think the decision should be his. It's an intense day, he may not want it around or trust himself on that day around it. If that's the case then it is important that you not have any, but if it's not then maybe just beer and wine...?

That's tough.

I am inclined to agree. I have battled with the idea of wanting to make sure my FH feels secure on our special day and wanting our guests to have a good time. But I know that it is still possible to have a good time without alcohol. It's nice to get opinions from an outside perspective. Thank you!

Idk. I think it's okay to have a dry wedding in this instance. He doesn't want to serve any alcohol? Or does he not want to serve any liquor? IMO his feelings on this should trump

Yup....What everyone else said. I'd defer to him on this. If he is comfortable with it, why not let your friends and family cut loose. If he isn't comfortable with it, dry wedding. You are completely justified either way.

As long as you close things down early, and keep things civil, there shouldn't be anything to worry about. HOPEFULLY you'll invite his support group in attendance, and the guest will be respectful enough not to get out of hand. There are plenty of sparkling ciders to use for a toast not to leave anyone out! Good luck and congrats!

I don't think the type of alcohol matters. Alcohol is alcohol ultimately it all ends with the same result some just get you there faster than others. I agree with the consensus that you and him need to discuss what YOU guys want it's your wedding you guys do you!

Congrats on his sobriety and your engagement!!!

My coworker is in AA and that's where he met his fiancé... They decided to have a dry wedding because although their friends and family drink alcohol, they did not feel comfortable having that around. Ultimately, it's what he feels comfortable with. Especially with other AA friends there, I think the wedding guests will understand.

Thanks so much to everyone for your comments. I decided to go ahead and talk to him about it tonight. Ultimately, he said he is not comfortable having any alcohol at the wedding. So dry wedding it is! I think the selfish part of me was a little disappointed in his answer but I agree with everyone that this should be his call. I'd rather enjoy our day together instead of worrying in the back of my mind and wondering if he is okay. Everyone will be there to celebrate us, after all. I JUST got engaged this weekend but I had to get this one big concern out of the way. Thanks again everyone!

Glad you were able to work it out! Congrats again!

Good for you for talking it through. The one caveat you might want to consider - not to change your mind, but to make sure your fiance is prepared - is that people may sneak in flasks to "pour" themselves a drink. Yes, it is totally rude of them to do, but it is also a reality. You might want to make sure you bring this up with him so that he is prepared in case he sees someone sneaking a sip.

If your FH has stated to you in the past he doesn't want alcohol at your wedding, you should respect that. Or at least ask him again to re-assure the answer.

And, you don't need to tell your guests ahead of time that it will be a "dry wedding'. People should be coming to your wedding to celebrate your marriage not to get drunk! Alcohol or no alcohol it shouldn't matter to them.

Telling them it will be a dry wedding might get more guests to bring in flasks...

Good for you. Glad this was an open and honest discussion and that he felt comfortable enough to be honest. Ten points to you guys!

I agree that a dry wedding would be best. I've had people close to me and (including a man that I used to be married to who him and his family struggled with alcoholism), I avoided drinking around them and that also included not having alcohol at the wedding.

I'm really torn on this. I know a lot of people in AA, several of whom lead groups. One of whom I dated for years. We went to social events with alcohol all the time, and it was never an issue. He had ginger ale; I had champagne. I've done weddings for numerous couples with one or both in recovery; they've all served alcohol. One even had a (non alcoholic) wine sharing.

I think that they (and my ex) would say that one of the goals of recovery is to be able to function successfully and in a sober way in social situations where there is alcohol present. Not vodka flumes, but maybe wine on the tables.

You have time to revisit this and make the decision that is right for you.

And congratulations on his courageous road.

I think it is appropriate to throw a dry wedding. YOU are hosting. So if you would not normally have/serve alcohol at your home, I think it's appropriate to not serve alcohol at your wedding.

I had a dry wedding because a: DH and I don't drink and B: we have alcoholics on both sides of our families (which gets back to point A), and we didn't want them causing scenes AND there's bitter feeling between my MIL and her family and my FIL-- so, better that everyone be on his best behavior. It was an afternoon wedding, the dance floor was full the whole time-- if you want a dry wedding, do it. Your DH is MUCH more important than whether your guests might have had a bit more fun if they'd been buzzed.