We BOTH changed our full names to First Maiden New. So I replaced my middle name with my maiden name and took his last name, and he ALSO replaced his middle name with my maiden name. (Our kids will have his last name, but I get priority to pick middle names that honor my side of the family.) Friends sometimes refer to us together with both names (the Maiden News), but other times it's just our last name (Mrs. New).
I spent a lot of time thinking about our names because I didn't like any of the options that get suggested for newlyweds. I was so relieved when this idea hit me and I was excited to share it with my FH (he agreed). I've never seen or heard of anyone doing this before, and I'm not sure why not? To me it feels like a feminist tweak to the already popular maiden-name-to-middle-name option. Here's some considerations important to us that this compromise accommodates:
- I'm attached to my last name
- he's attached to his last name and our kids will have his last name
- his family/friends/background have traditional expectations
- my mother never changed her last name (and I come from a line of proud feminists)
- I want the same last name as my kids (my mom says having different names was difficult sometimes)
- I wanted an uncomplicated name (not four names or hyphenated)
- we didn't mind a little extra paperwork up front to change names (actually pretty simple in our state)
- I hate that the professional/social/logistical/mental name change burden nearly always falls exclusively on the wife
- and most importantly, I feel very strongly that by getting married, we are joining each others' families, not just me joining his
We were both a tad reluctant to give up our middle names (they're family names), but it was well worth it to find an agreeable solution and we'll have the opportunity to pass on those names when we have children.
So what do y'all think? Would you and your (future) spouse do this? I love the flexibility, equality, simplicity, and of course that it gently challenges the traditional values of my new in-laws (HA just kidding, mostly).