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NymphPoet
Devoted October 2018

Am i being a brat? Ring question

NymphPoet, on December 18, 2017 at 4:52 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 95

I’m engaged to the most wonderful man. When he initially popped the question he used a sapphire ring that was dainty, and not exactly “engagement” but I loved it nonetheless! I’ve never been a diamond ring type of girl (though they are beautiful) so I never minded my little sapphires. When we...

I’m engaged to the most wonderful man. When he initially popped the question he used a sapphire ring that was dainty, and not exactly “engagement” but I loved it nonetheless! I’ve never been a diamond ring type of girl (though they are beautiful) so I never minded my little sapphires.




When we announced to FH’s family they were so happy for us! They’d ask to see my ring and id show them, and receive comments such as “that’s good of you” or “that’s not really an engagement ring”. These comments started to make FH feel bad, and I was sort of uncomfortable but brushed it off.




FH’s grandmother kept pushing that my ring wasn’t REAL enough. So she offered up FH’s mother’s engagement ring (when she married FH’s father and they promptly divorced 8 months later). They had given his grandmother the Ring after in return for a loan of however much it was worth.




Now, I don’t believe rings are cursed, but I sort of hate that Ring. It’s not my style, and FH’s parents abandoned him with his grandparents after the divorce so it feels very strange for me to wear a family heirloom that...to be blunt...didn’t really mean anything to the people that had it before me. We were given the okay to reset it, but I just can’t see the worth in putting money into resetting a 1/4ct stone of that size instead of either just keeping my ring or buying a larger morganite Ring for roughly the same price as resetting the heirloom.




I told this to FH, and he mentioned it to his grandmother who felt very upset I didn’t particularly want the ring. I don’t want to disrespect his family, and we have the money to reset/buy a new Ring, but I just don’t feel right about it all. Has anyone ever reset a 1/4 diamond? And what would you do in this situation?

95 Comments

  • Melissa
    Master March 2018
    Melissa ·
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    If you love your ring, don’t let anyone talk you out of it.

    I have a morganite. I love it so much. As stunning as it is, when people say “what kind of diamond is that” and I tell them it’s not, I always get a “oh. That’s nice” I’m which I promptly say it’s beautiful and exactly what I wanted. If that’s how you feel about your ring, don’t let people make you feel like it’s not enough.
    • Reply
  • NoraBoraXD
    Dedicated May 2018
    NoraBoraXD ·
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    He proposed with the ring and you accepted - it's an engagement ring no matter what other people think. YOU love it, and you're the one who's going to be wearing it on your finger every day. Forget everyone else.

    My FH proposed with an alexandrite ring, and the best way I've dealt with comments like that so far is to simply be dismissive to show that it is not up for discussion.

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  • MAMW
    VIP August 2013
    MAMW ·
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    There's nothing wrong with you loving your own engagement ring, even if others don't like it. Everyone who is making comments about it being not good enough are the ones who are being brats. Don't even entertain the idea of doing anything except wearing the ring you love!

    "I understand it's not your taste, but I love my ring, and I am happy to wear it for the rest of my life."

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  • K
    Just Said Yes January 2018
    K ·
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    I agree. Smiley smile If you love your ring, then that's all that matters.
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  • LaraLouM
    Super May 2019
    LaraLouM ·
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    If you like your ring that is all that matters, and your FH picked it out that should mean a lot in and of itself. I would never trade in my e-ring for a bigger copy (unless it’s like our 20th wedding anniversary 😂). His family should respect your wishes and you can have the old reset into a necklace, 1/4 carat would be pretty in a necklace!
    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Master October 2018
    Amanda ·
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    First I want to say how rmrude they are second.. I have a 1 carat diamond but my setting is very art deco and it's a matter of personal taste other girls with smaller diamonds with modern settings get more complements .. and that's okay because I love my ring so much .. third .. 1/4 c is small .. and resetting it will cost about 500 depends on ordered setting .. and a moissanite with easly run you more .. in my honest opinions if you love the ring given keep it .. if you don't be honest and get your dream ring your going to wear it forever .. or forgo wearing an e ring when u get your wedding band .. just don't let people's opinions bring you down ....
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  • Dana
    Expert August 2018
    Dana ·
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    Nah don’t bring that negative energy in your life. It’s a no from me. Keep the ring you have or get a new one but I would not take his sweet maw maws haha
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  • Emily
    Expert May 2018
    Emily ·
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    If you love your ring why change it.
    Its your ring, and it represents the bond and promise between the two of you... despite the stones or metal, it should be something you adore and want to wear every day. If you don't like that other ring that's not your problem... don't wear it. Assure your fh that you love the ring he chose and continue to wear it.
    Maybe you can have the ring made into a band that you can wear as a wedding band and keep your engagement ring the same? Then its a compromise.
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  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi ·
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    Yay for nontraditional rings!!

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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Ava ·
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    Quarter carat stones are quite expensive to set, at least at my company (which owns most of the major diamond jewelry retailers in the US). You're looking at about a hundred dollars for pulling an existing stone and setting a new one, and significantly more if the ring requires a new setting -- which it will if the two stones are not exactly the same size and shape.

    And beyond that, I think you're entirely in the right as far as not wanting the other ring in the first place. If you like your sapphire ring, then keep it. Sapphires are gorgeous and quickly becoming more popular as an engagement ring option. Personally, it's what I'll be getting for my engagement ring. (Since I'm the jeweler in the relationship, my boyfriend says he'd like to let me design my own rings and help him with his own.)

    Anyway, you most certainly aren't being a brat. Restoring and/or restyling an heirloom ring can be a fun and meaningful project, but it gets expensive, and it gets a lot less fun if it wasn't a particularly meaningful ring in the first place, like in your case. If you want to keep your ring, or design a brand new one, then go for it. You're under no obligation to take theirs.
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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Ava ·
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    Oh my goodness, what is wrong with people? Alexandrite is such a beautiful stone. As a jeweler at a major diamond jewelry corporation, I'm all for colored gemstones and unique designs. I see too many diamond solitaires.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    OMG if you're happy with your ring, rock it!

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  • Sarah Katreen
    Dedicated August 2018
    Sarah Katreen ·
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    I agree with pp. I just wanted to let you know that my ring is a green sapphire and my FW's is a red ruby. We love our rings and they suite us.
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  • Carla
    Savvy July 2018
    Carla ·
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    In this situation I'd have an extremely difficult time biting my tongue. As long as you love your ring that's all that matters. I think a simple "Thanks, but no thanks" for Grandma would be appropriate.

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  • V
    Savvy September 2018
    Victoria ·
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    You can do a diamond for diamond trade in at Kay's or Shaw's Jewelers. you can trade the "heirloom" in for something different, maybe a band for your ring, or reset your sapphire into a diamond setting. you can use the trade for a diamond band, take out a few stones, add a head onto it and mount the sapphire! that way you have no bad ju-ju from the other ring, and you have the stone from the original ring!


    I worked at a jewelry store, so I've seen all sizes of stones mounted. but you don't want the bad ju-ju.

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  • melanie
    Master August 2017
    melanie ·
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    If you like the original ring than keep that, it's your ring that you will wear everyday it's not up to other people to decide what ring you should have


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  • B
    Dedicated March 2018
    Baylee ·
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    I would either keep the ring you have or buy a new one that you like. That is aweful how his family is acting. The rings are your business and they should mind their own.
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  • Future Mrs M
    Super June 2018
    Future Mrs M ·
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    Your ring is for you, do not let other people sway your feelings towards it

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  • A. L.
    Master July 2017
    A. L. ·
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    I think you are being a brat, yeah. FH wanted to give you THAT ring. You shouldn't question it

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  • Aimee
    Devoted October 2015
    Aimee ·
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    Wut? Seriously?

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