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NymphPoet
Devoted October 2018

Am i being a brat? Ring question

NymphPoet, on December 18, 2017 at 4:52 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 95

I’m engaged to the most wonderful man. When he initially popped the question he used a sapphire ring that was dainty, and not exactly “engagement” but I loved it nonetheless! I’ve never been a diamond ring type of girl (though they are beautiful) so I never minded my little sapphires. When we...

I’m engaged to the most wonderful man. When he initially popped the question he used a sapphire ring that was dainty, and not exactly “engagement” but I loved it nonetheless! I’ve never been a diamond ring type of girl (though they are beautiful) so I never minded my little sapphires.




When we announced to FH’s family they were so happy for us! They’d ask to see my ring and id show them, and receive comments such as “that’s good of you” or “that’s not really an engagement ring”. These comments started to make FH feel bad, and I was sort of uncomfortable but brushed it off.




FH’s grandmother kept pushing that my ring wasn’t REAL enough. So she offered up FH’s mother’s engagement ring (when she married FH’s father and they promptly divorced 8 months later). They had given his grandmother the Ring after in return for a loan of however much it was worth.




Now, I don’t believe rings are cursed, but I sort of hate that Ring. It’s not my style, and FH’s parents abandoned him with his grandparents after the divorce so it feels very strange for me to wear a family heirloom that...to be blunt...didn’t really mean anything to the people that had it before me. We were given the okay to reset it, but I just can’t see the worth in putting money into resetting a 1/4ct stone of that size instead of either just keeping my ring or buying a larger morganite Ring for roughly the same price as resetting the heirloom.




I told this to FH, and he mentioned it to his grandmother who felt very upset I didn’t particularly want the ring. I don’t want to disrespect his family, and we have the money to reset/buy a new Ring, but I just don’t feel right about it all. Has anyone ever reset a 1/4 diamond? And what would you do in this situation?

95 Comments

  • Aly
    Expert June 2018
    Aly ·
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    Don't let yourself get caught up in the material details.

    Think about the sentiment behind the ring that was given to you when your FH proposed.

    It's horrible for others to make your FH feel inadequate about this ring choice. Shame on them!

    • Reply
  • kbrands
    Super December 2018
    kbrands ·
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    One of my good friends has a sapphire ring and often gets comments about how unique it is. I personally love it as well since blue is her favorite color and the ring totally fits her. Do what makes you happy, don't just try to please others.

    • Reply
  • rica
    VIP September 2018
    rica ·
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    I think you were put in a bad position by family and there's no easy way out of it. If you love your ring, tell them and keep it.

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  • stbmrs2019
    Devoted September 2019
    stbmrs2019 ·
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    You are absolutely not being a brat. Your FI's family is. My FI proposed to me with a peridot, which is his birthstone. It was what I wanted because I felt it meant more to me than a diamond. Not a single person has told me that it's not an engagement ring, especially since most people know the story as to why he did.

    Y'all need to sit his family down and say that you appreciate the offer of the diamond but you are staying with your sapphire. They don't have to like it since they are not wearing it the rest of their lives. Just keep telling them that it's the ring you like and that is the end of discussion. They continue to bring it up, walk away, hang up the phone, etc.

    If you love your original ring, keep it. Don't feel pressured to do any other ring just because people can't get their heads out of their butts.

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  • Katie M.
    Devoted June 2019
    Katie M. ·
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    FH got me a small and simple diamond ring. Everyone stated that he was cheap and I deserved better. I just stated "he knows me better than anyone else because it is exactly what I wanted". It makes your ring more special that it matches who you are and not tradition! His grandmother seems to be the brat in this scenario.

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  • KatieMBY
    VIP January 2018
    KatieMBY ·
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    You’re the one who has to wear it for the rest of your life. No ones opinion matters more than your own!
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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    The ring he gave you is your engagement ring no matter what other people's opinions are. He proposed with it not the family ring. They may be hurt but it's not their engagement and not their hand. The first time I got married my ring was a family heirloom and given to him so he could "do the right thing". It never felt like mine because he didn't pick it out and he was told to give it to me with no choice. I paid to have the diamond reset into a band that suited me better(the band it was in was frail and needed replaced) and my husband at the time didn't even bother to pick that out...should have been a red flag back then lol.

    I'm just so glad this time my FH took the time to pick out a ring he knew I'd love and had pink sapphires added to it because he knows how much I love pink. I would never exchange it. He picked it out.

    Long story short wear the ring your FH picked out for you.

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  • Bride2B
    Expert June 2018
    Bride2B ·
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    I'd say keep the ring you have. I picked out a beautiful pink sapphire ring as my Ering and love it. Nothing wrong with using alternative gemstones! I think they're more unique Smiley smile

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  • Jurnee
    Expert May 2019
    Jurnee ·
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    Seconding PP, especially Chelsea
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  • FutureMrsM
    Devoted January 2018
    FutureMrsM ·
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    If you like the ring he have you then keep it. It's not about a ring, it's about your relationship and happiness. I have to agree that I wouldn't feel comfortable with the history of the ribg. It just seems odd to me.
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  • LuckyAK
    VIP March 2018
    LuckyAK ·
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    Keep the ring you like!!!
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  • LuckyAK
    VIP March 2018
    LuckyAK ·
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    And you aren’t a brat- you’re being sensitive to FH’s family- but you love the ring he gave you. You love it because he knows and loves you and knew you’d love it! It means so much more than a recycled ring!
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  • Rebecca
    Devoted May 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    I would just say that the ring FH gave you is sentimental because HE picked it out specifically for YOU, and that you cherish the sentimental value of it!

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  • V
    February 2018
    vicky ·
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    Stick to your guns. Smile sweetly and hug meaningfully. You sound like a woman of character. In time, you and your beloved may decide on another ring. For now, this is the one - the one He gave you! Best wishes!

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  • Amy
    Devoted April 2018
    Amy ·
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    You're not being a brat.. it's your ring and you'll need to live with it forever. if you don't feel FH grandma's ring is particularly sentimental than you shouldn't feel bad for that. Sapphire rings are still beautiful and if it makes you happy than that's all that matters. And you definitely should not feel like you need buy a new ring just because of rude comments that people should have kept to themselves in the first place! good luck Smiley smile

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  • Bibi
    Dedicated June 2018
    Bibi ·
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    Definitely not a brat! Keep the ring your fiancé gave you, and know that someone will always have something to say unfortunately. People are rude and try to impose their will but stay strong and firm about keeping your ring. Sending positive vibes your way Smiley smile
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  • Linda
    VIP June 2017
    Linda ·
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    It is your ring and you get to wear it for the rest of your lives. All that matters is how you feel about it. I hate that people feel the need to comment on others rings its rude. Your FH clearly knows you better than most if he got you the perfect ring that you love. Dont let anyone bully you into wearing a ring that they consider a "real engagement ring".

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  • Stephanie
    Super March 2018
    Stephanie ·
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    Honestly I was bracing myself for what was to come after seeing the subject line but seriously, it’s not you. It’s everyone else for suggesting that the ring FH got you wasn’t good enough. Graciously decline, explaining how much you love your ring and the thought that FH put into choosing it just for you.
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  • Mj
    Devoted June 2019
    Mj ·
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    You are not being a brat at all! I totally see where you are coming from. I would say keep the engagement ring and spend the money else where. It is between the two of you that matters and pretty soon you'll have a band to go with it and even look into having an early anniversary band to make it a set.
    I would not take the ring from his grandmother to be honest. Just say you love the one you have and you will work on that one instead.

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  • Bridget
    VIP August 2019
    Bridget ·
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    Keep the ring your hunny originally gave you, if you love it that's all that matters. Who cares what others say! you could always take the ring the grandmother gave you and reset it into a necklace to wear on your wedding day. That way you are still incorporating it, if it really means a lot to his grandmother.

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