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NymphPoet
Devoted October 2018

Am i being a brat? Ring question

NymphPoet, on December 18, 2017 at 4:52 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 95

I’m engaged to the most wonderful man. When he initially popped the question he used a sapphire ring that was dainty, and not exactly “engagement” but I loved it nonetheless! I’ve never been a diamond ring type of girl (though they are beautiful) so I never minded my little sapphires. When we...

I’m engaged to the most wonderful man. When he initially popped the question he used a sapphire ring that was dainty, and not exactly “engagement” but I loved it nonetheless! I’ve never been a diamond ring type of girl (though they are beautiful) so I never minded my little sapphires.




When we announced to FH’s family they were so happy for us! They’d ask to see my ring and id show them, and receive comments such as “that’s good of you” or “that’s not really an engagement ring”. These comments started to make FH feel bad, and I was sort of uncomfortable but brushed it off.




FH’s grandmother kept pushing that my ring wasn’t REAL enough. So she offered up FH’s mother’s engagement ring (when she married FH’s father and they promptly divorced 8 months later). They had given his grandmother the Ring after in return for a loan of however much it was worth.




Now, I don’t believe rings are cursed, but I sort of hate that Ring. It’s not my style, and FH’s parents abandoned him with his grandparents after the divorce so it feels very strange for me to wear a family heirloom that...to be blunt...didn’t really mean anything to the people that had it before me. We were given the okay to reset it, but I just can’t see the worth in putting money into resetting a 1/4ct stone of that size instead of either just keeping my ring or buying a larger morganite Ring for roughly the same price as resetting the heirloom.




I told this to FH, and he mentioned it to his grandmother who felt very upset I didn’t particularly want the ring. I don’t want to disrespect his family, and we have the money to reset/buy a new Ring, but I just don’t feel right about it all. Has anyone ever reset a 1/4 diamond? And what would you do in this situation?

95 Comments

  • Liesl
    Dedicated September 2018
    Liesl ·
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    I have a sapphire ring as well, I absolutely love it. I received a few of the same type of comments and there were a couple of comments like "if he needed a diamond ring I have a few I could have given him" (all from failed marriages which is why he didn't go to them in the first place). I have made it clear that he got me exactly the type of ring I wanted and this is the ring that has the memories and emotions tied to it, this is the one he asked me "will you" with and that I wouldn't trade it for any other ring in the world. I would only worry about resetting the ring if that's really what you want to do.

    Engagement ringAm i being a brat? Ring question 1


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  • Roshelle
    Dedicated October 2020
    Roshelle ·
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    First off I know your pain too well. The ring my fiancé gave isn’t exactly what one would think when they hear engagement ring. I’ve gotten mixed responses about it and honestly idc. I love my different ring cuz it’s not like other rings. And you’re not disrespecting anyone by not wanting something. You politely decline and wait for them to be grown up and get over it.
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  • PaulaAnn95
    Dedicated October 2018
    PaulaAnn95 ·
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    You should go with whatever YOU like! Do not change your ring if it gives you bad vibes or to appease his family! They shouldn't be embarrassing him about what he picked out for you.

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  • Married and Loving It!
    Super February 2018
    Married and Loving It! ·
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    If you love your ring- and it is what you want it is perfect!! You can always say something like with the cost of the wedding it isn't in our budget right now- but maybe in a couple years we might want to "upgrade" an just never mention it again lol.


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  • SoontobeSolomon
    Dedicated September 2018
    SoontobeSolomon ·
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    If that is the ring he chose for you and you did not have a problem with it. That is it! I feel like that is one of the biggest problems wedding planning too many people outside of the relationship and their opinions...

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  • PrincessLawrence
    VIP June 2018
    PrincessLawrence ·
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    When my FH and I got engaged my mom threw a fit and started crying saying thats not the ring you wanted....so I feel ya. Do what you feel is right

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  • FutureMrsJochum
    Beginner August 2019
    FutureMrsJochum ·
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    I'm a little late to the party but I absolutely agree that if you love your ring then don't change it for anyone. I have a morganite ering. I knew I wanted a pink ring when I was 13 and I never changed my mind, I have gotten the occassional comment that it's not a "traditional ring" I just tell people duh lol

    Am i being a brat? Ring question 2
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  • Kristina
    Master August 2018
    Kristina ·
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    This. This is exactly what I was going to say, but 5 pages in I'm sure I'm just reiterating other comments!

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  • April
    Super November 2018
    April ·
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    By the way... That is a gorgeous ring!

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  • Moriah
    Dedicated June 2019
    Moriah ·
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    I would tell the grandma that you appreciate the ring but you like the ring your FH picked!

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  • Lee
    Devoted May 2019
    Lee ·
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    Why is it a big deal that you like the ring you where given. Maybe tell Gran that it's a nice offer but you like the one your guy picked for you. Because it was what he chose
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  • Cassidy
    VIP October 2017
    Cassidy ·
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    Yea, I have a sapphire too. My mom was like it doesn’t look like an engagement ring. And I said, “ I don’t care. It’s the most beautiful piece of jewelry ever made and it was made just for me.” And I actually believe it. She said it was beautiful but it doesn’t look like an engagement ring. I picked it out and designed it. It is mine. I get lots of compliments on it.
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