Am i being a bridezilla?

It's fine to be upset, but you can't force people to stay somewhere if they would rather stay somewhere else. At the end of the day, you can offer accommodations, but you can't mandate that they stay there.

Not to mention my mother keeps forgetting we cant decorate the night before because of another wedding but thinks she can get up at 10 be at the hotel by 11 to fecorate. Hair and makup starts at 10. I had to point out that it would be nice to have my mom in the room while i was getting ready

Now i have to worry about everyone driving back county roads in the the winter in WISCONSIN at midnight
Am i being unreasonable to want my family in the same location as the rest of my fiancée family and our friends?

While I understand your reasons for wanting everyone in the same place it is their decision to make. It does seem like they are making it a little less convenient for themselves but again as long as they can do everything they have committed to doing I wouldnt worry about it. Did they tell you why the chose to stay elsewhere?

View Quoted Comment Not really She thought they could have a barbecue the night the get in. Its November in wisconsin high probability that will not happen. Its more then the hotel if you add in the gas they are going to use other wise same price.

I am sure it would have been lovely for people to be in the same location and to hang out as you had envisioned but no one is obliged to stay at a specific hotel/location merely because you want them to, especially when accommodation is being paid for independently.

Let it go and move on.

View Quoted Comment Completely agree

No one is obligated to stay where you’d like them to. Personally we let everyone decide where they wanted to stay because at the end of the day I’m not paying for it. I don’t get to decide what’s expensive for anyone but myself. Honestly I think you should let it go

Yes, unfortunately you have no say in where people stay. They may end up regretting it but that's kind of on them.

It will take all your powers to let them manage their own schedule. Print out your timeline (day before, day after), let them take a picture of it for backup, then simply tell them if they're not on time, they're not going to be included in hair/makeup, pictures, etc. If your goal was for people to hang out altogether, that is essentially your wedding. Some people are comfortable with saving their energy for one social event with strangers.

Rely on your spouse for decorating. Your partner is your team. Good luck.

Dictating where your guests stay is bridezilla-y. The logistics of it are their problem to deal with, so aside from reiterating to them where they need to be and when, I wouldn’t waste your time worrying about them traveling back and forth.


For what it’s worth a number of years ago we had friends getting married at a fancy hotel. They had a room block there and a room block somewhere cheaper, but the bride decided everyone in the bridal party should (must) stay at the venue. The drama and resentment is STILL talked about to this day— the members of the bridal party basically forced(guilted) into staying where they didn’t want to have not forgiven and forgotten and there is lingering tension in the relationships. So, to me, not worth causing that level of drama for something that isn’t that big of a deal.
We had a few people who skipped out on our block for one reason or another— one was a groomsman. I’m sure it made his and his wife’s day a bit more of a hassle but it didn’t affect us or our day even remotely.

I could see how people could like alternatives to the hotel. Also, if they are staying longer, they may like a more homestyle approach. If it were getting too busy with the travel, they could get the hotel room for a day then. But these are all their own choices. I do agree though that it would be nice to have everyone together, if possible. (Maybe others need to plan on getting vacation home rentals to be more modern.)

I get that it's a lot more convenient (and probably fun!) to have everyone together, but unfortunately, you can't force people's hands on this. The most you can do is tell them what time and where things are and hope they're there when they need to be.

It is totally valid for you to be upset that your vision of everyone being together before the wedding in one place isn't happening. I totally understand that the logistics of your families being in different places, plus the weather issues, are creating logistical problems and it would be easier for you if they just stayed at the hotel you suggested.

However, I agree that you need to let it go. Stick to your timeline and whoever can be there will be there. They may apologize when they see how difficult things became for you. I wonder, is your future spouse on the same page as you? It can help if both partners speak to their family members about wedding plans and logistics. Or at least giving you support.

The only way to ensure things go your way in this case is to provide the hotel rooms for everyone. That is what we're doing for our bridal party, luckily our families agreed with the plan and got their own rooms. Unfortunately, if it's up to them to pay for their stay, they can choose wherever makes the best sense to them. I hope things go smoothly and your families don't put too much extra stress on you for your big day!

Did you let the families know what your vision for the hotel stay was about? It can be nice to support that vision, but there are lots of factors behind the decision to stay elsewhere, so it would be hard to take all those factors into account when pushing for your vision here.

As much as I totally get your reasoning on how much it makes sense for everyone to stay together and it may create a better experience, unfortunately you can't change their choices. I understand your frustrations. But with my own experience, family and people I'm general just have their own weird ways of doing things. All you can do is just let it roll off your shoulders and enjoy your day and the ones who will be there at the hotel. Maybe plan a brunch the next day and whoever shows, shows.