Am i being petty?

That is really frustrating. It seems like she just likes to micro-manage things but doesn’t like it when others do the same to her. In order to keep the peace I would try to just be the bigger person and treat her the way you wish she had treated you. If that’s going to be hard for you or if you’re uncomfortable going then I would just explain how you feel that it will be super risky having all of these plans that involve being around others or being inside and you’d rather not risk exposing yourself to COVID. She shouldn’t be mad when she controlled everything you had involved for your Bach

It seems to me that she just didn't want you to have your moment for whatever reason and did what she could to ruin your happiness. But now she is being a total hypocrite.


The type of person I am is that I'd totally do the same to her but take it a bit further. But obviously that isn't the right thing to do. If I was you I'd just tell her you can't make it.

Also to add you are 1000% not being petty. Your feelings about all this are very valed

I think people were a lot more fearful and more apt to practice social distancing 8 months ago during your bachelorette time because the virus and pandemic were so new and everything was in chaos. Tbh, no one I know would have even THOUGHT about holding or attending a bachelorette party back then. But now that we’re all a year into this pandemic, and people are being vaccinated, I think a lot of the fear has subsided and people are much more apt to do things in public again. I’m betting your friend’s behavior was more fear based than control based during your Bach trip. And now that things have dragged on for so long and covid has just become a daily part of everyone’s lives now, she’s no longer as scared and is comfortable doing things she wasn’t comfortable with 8 months ago. I would just accept that socially things are different now than they were when you held your bachelorette party, and not hold any grudges. It was a scary and unpredictable time and I’m sure your friend would have acted completely differently had there not been a pandemic involved. Now you have the opportunity to go out with your friends and have a great bachelorette weekend- take advantage of it & have fun

I feel like when you had yours, Covid was newer and people freaked out a little more and now that people are getting sick of it, they don't care as much. Maybe that's what is going on with her. That being said, if you really aren't comfortable with the activities she has planned, I see nothing wrong with voicing that you aren't comfortable in those activities so you either won't participate in those certain things or you are going to stay home altogether. If you aren't really worried about the activities and covid, I feel like you need to go with the mindset that maybe she did this because at the time, things were a lot more uncomfortable for people and that fear may have come across in the wrong light. I wouldn't go and act the way she did because you remember how upsetting it was for you and ruining someone else's day probably won't make you feel any better nor would it change what happened during your day. Doesn't sound like you're leaning that route though!

I had a friend who kept telling me how my fiance and I were selfish people for going forward with our August 14 2021 wedding. And how we are going to cause a lot of people to die because of our selfish actions. Well she got engaged in December and is getting married 2 weeks after me. Of course I called her out for being a hypocrite. Some time people like them need people like us to call them out on their bs.

Originally, for a centruy or so, bachelor parties, then bachelorettes, have been parties planned for a single evening, by a group of friends. And it has been considered really rude for a bride to plan her own, to get everything she wants, with others having to accept it and be obliged to go, because if is " for the bride." You did what you wanted regardless of complaint by one of those who should have had a say, originally. And you wanted her to stifle it and go. Now tables have turned, and you want to know if you have to graciously accept it. Doesn't feel very good, does it? ... I wish brides would stop planning parties in their own honor.( rude, unless the bride is paying all costs, food lodgings, and all activities for everything for everybody.)
And recognize that the bachelorette is a single minor party of the wedding, a day or an evening, not co-opting multiple days time when everyone feels obliged to cater to the bride. You, and the other bride, could have planned mini vacations any time with any group, not a bachelorette, and every participant would have had equal say. And no one would be in a dilemma about having to please the bride. TV and media promote this multi-day I want, I want, I want ego fest that the bride selfishly plans around herself. My opinion is that people should stop doing it. Plan vacations when and however you will. But return to bachelorette parties as ones that last a few hours, at a small price, and planned by the friend group, not the bride.

There’s an alternate solution... If you’re still holding onto those feelings from nearly a year ago and haven’t sincerely “let it go”, then it’s best not to attend. Based on your post, I imagine that being present will eat at you and you’ll just scrutinize her actions and her party overall, comparing it to yours. So that doesn’t seem like a good spot to put yourself in, especially since you’re “super annoyed” about her trip and still thinking back to your own party. Additionally, I can admit that my feelings and understanding about Covid last July are much different than they are today. It was still quite new last July and we have now figured out how to better maneuver in life during this pandemic. Unfortunately you seem to have some resentment and it’s not going to disappear simply by attending and trying to suck it up while putting on a happy face. Honestly, there’s no need to go when your feelings aren’t genuine.

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Thanks for your criticism, but you've got it pretty wrong. I had no part in planning my trip. Had no idea where we were even staying until we got there. I was simply asked for my input on activities I might want to do and the one thing I mentioned (the winery) was shot down by her and I did not try to push them to do anything they didn't want to do. I am also her bridesmaid and she has not let any of us have any say in her trip. She has planned the entire thing herself. My trip was about $400 per person. I have already shelved out about $1500 for hers.

I don’t think this is petty, but I think if you just communicate with her and tell her how she made you feel then you can resolve this.


It is possible she didn’t realize she came off that way. Rude people never think they’re rude. It is not really possible she has no clue that she made you feel that way. If she is a really great friend, I think that it is worth salvaging the relationship.
And you can always say you don’t have the money and you love her and are willing do something low key. But don’t make yourself uncomfortable for her bachelorette party and ditch the masks or the social distancing of you don’t feel comfortable doing it. I wouldn’t do it just to be petty though. Be the bigger person.
Personally, I think the time to stand your ground was during your own bachelorette party and you should not have put up with her requests, but that’s neither here or there. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being assertive about how you feel and that her behavior makes you want to not go. During your bachelorette party, I’d have said “well we’re doing the winery. If you don’t want to come that’s fine. We will miss you.”
Seriously she may not have even realized that she kind of controlled your bachelorette party because you just kind of let her.
It’s also okay to go and not be up for all the events of the thing either. Best of luck

Edit: is IS Possible not impossible

View Quoted Comment Woah, this seems like a very long and harsh response to the original post. And honestly, didn’t even address any sort of concern she had. It seems more like a platform for you to rant about your distain for modern wedding activities

I don't think it's petty at all. Given the circumstances, I probably would not attend. While I recognize that some people are more comfortable with getting out and about because of the vaccine, I am probably the exception to the rule. I am still leery about engaging in too many social events. Plus, that's a lot of money to spend to simply be reminded of how awful she acted during your bachelorette weekend.

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Yeah, you're probably right. I didn't think of the difference between people's attitudes toward Covid then vs now. But she has been pretty lax about Covid this whole time. She went on a vacation to Mexico not long after my bach... But I truly don't think she was acting the way she was to spite me or ruin my trip. Her personality is just kind of harsh and she is a bit of control freak. I love her despite all of that though. She really has been a great friend to me. We had never been on a trip or vacation together before that, so I just had never seen that side of her before or had to deal with her trying to control me. Ultimately, I think I'm just going to try and put it to the past.

View Quoted Comment You pretty much comment about your dislike for extended bachelorette parties for every bachelorette-related post. Even when it doesn’t pertain to the question. We get it— it wasn’t the norm to celebrate multiple days for a bachelorette, but guess what? Times have changed and if some people want to throw their friends a weekend long bachelorette, who cares?


Your response is full of assumptions. How do you know she planned this trip herself? How do you know her bridesmaids didn’t ask her what she wanted to do or where she wanted to go because they wanted to make the event perfect for her? When I’m in a bridal party and helping plan it, I always try to get input from the bride because why plan a trip or even an event in her honor that she won’t enjoy? I never felt obligated or forced to cater to the bride just because she was the bride. I wanted to do it because we’re friends, I love her and it’s a special time in her life. Every bachelorette I’ve attended, I’ve never seen people fight, complain about costs or even let the bride pay for things (usually people are yelling at the bride to put her wallet away when it came time to pay!).
And FYI— my friends asked me where and what I wanted to do for my bachelorette and I sheepishly said Disneyland since we all had passed and it would be inexpensive. Guess what? THEY refused to do that and wanted us to have a fun trip to spend time together. My MOH was even pushing for Hawaii because she knew how special it was to me.

View Quoted Comment I think that’s awesome you are going to be the bigger person! Honestly, not doing so I think would only punish yourself. And now you have the opportunity to vacation with your friends again, this time with less restrictions! It can be kind of a “re-do” weekend for your bachelorette. I hope y’all have a blast!

Yeah this would get under my skin to the point that I flat out wouldn't go. You aren't being petty. It sounds like she is being unreasonable and unsafe.

Here’s my question: are you comfortable going to her party with Covid still around or not?
If you’re not, definitely don’t go. Everyone is entitled to feel nervous being around others during this time.
But, if you’re comfortable and want to go, I would just go. While I completely understand how rude she’s being, her past actions shouldn’t dictate your actions if you want to go and have fun.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this 100% a year ago we literally had no idea what was going to happen to how to handle it. Now we know more about the virus and how to take precautions. If you feel comfortable going then go and have fun, but if you have any reservations then stay home.

View Quoted Comment I agree with you