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Anna
Just Said Yes October 2024

Am i being selfish not wanting to go overseas for a family trip the same year as my wedding?

Anna, on August 20, 2023 at 5:10 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12
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Hi!


My fiancé and I are getting married next year, we’re having a destination wedding across the country. We plan to fly out there twice next year, once for taste testing, hair trial, etc. the next for the actual wedding. My sister-in-law, my fiancé’s husband’s wife, wants to fly out to Iceland next year as well and do a family trip because my fiancé’s mother really wants to see the northern lights. They’ve offered to pay for our flights. However, my fiancé and I are worried that we won’t be able to afford to pay for everything else such as hotel, food, activities, etc. because we’re paying for the wedding out of pocket (we don’t want to take out any loans) we also don’t want to stress out about a big family trip when we have our wedding and honeymoon to stress about. Our honeymoon would be in Hawaii for about 2 weeks. The wedding came before the Iceland idea. My sister-in-law doesn’t want to go to Iceland in 2025 like I suggested because her and her husband are planning to start trying for a baby that year and says it’ll probably be difficult to have a baby/be pregnant and fly to Iceland. Do you think my fiancé and I are being selfish by not wanting to go on the trip the same year as our wedding?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on August 21, 2023 at 3:50 PM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    You are not being selfish for not wanting to go on this trip because of your financial obligations to the wedding. They can go without you or they can go a different year. I wouldn’t hang my hat on the pregnancy thing either. First off, people travel while pregnant often, it’s just not advisable to do so close to your due date or unless your doctor has instructed you not to do so. Also, sometimes it happens quickly, and other times it doesn’t. My husband and I have been trying for 3 years. If we would have planned to not do things because we were trying to get pregnant, we wouldn’t do anything ever.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    No, you are not being selfish for not wanting to take such a large trip the same year as your wedding. And FSIL is also not being selfish wanting to take a trip now, before they start trying for a baby. You both have very valid reasons for your stances, so neither of you should feel guilty. If your finances don’t allow for you to travel this year, then I would just politely decline going to Iceland, and tell them to send lots of pics so you can live vicariously!
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  • Anna
    Just Said Yes October 2024
    Anna ·
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    Thank you Hannah and Cece for your perspectives and advice! Unfortunately part of the issue is, if we don’t go they don’t want to go because they don’t want it to be just them and my fiancé’s parents. FSIL said “it’s not fair for you to say no and not consider everyone else’s feelings.”
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Yeah, no, that’s not ok. If they don’t want to go without you, then they can pick a time that works for everyone. Trying to bully you into spending money you don’t have on a trip to Iceland is not acceptable.
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  • C
    CM ·
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    FSIL is being rude and inappropriate. What's selfish is to pressure people into taking their idea of your vacation with no consideration to your budget, the timing, or the number of vacation days you'd have to use up. That said, some people feel the same way about destination weddings. Are you sure she's not implying that they feel pressured in the same way on their end?

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  • Anna
    Just Said Yes October 2024
    Anna ·
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    Thank you, I think being considerate of both timelines is a good compromise
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  • Anna
    Just Said Yes October 2024
    Anna ·
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    Yeah, they don’t live near us. The venue is actually closer to them in proximity.
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  • K
    Super September 2023
    Kimberly ·
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    FSIL and his wife are in the wrong here. Most likely they don’t want to have to wait until 2025, so they tried and excuse that they thought would be compelling. Don’t let them force you into this trip and stress your finances.
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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    That’s their problem, not yours. YOU are not preventing them from taking the trip. They themselves are. They CAN go without you. THEY are choosing not to. That’s on them, not you.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Well this sounds like a FSIL problem then, and I wouldn't feel guilty at all. You are not preventing them from taking this vacation, they are choosing not to because it's not their ideal situation (ie, they don't want it to just be them and the parents). If the vacation is that important to them, they will either go without you, push back trying to conceive, or commit to travelling while potentially pregnant. Either way, it's not your issue. Sorry you were put in that awkward situation.

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  • LM
    Super December 2022
    LM ·
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    If your FMIL wants to see the northern lights, why is your FSIL inviting herself on that vacation? I foresee she'll continue to emotionally blackmail you as a family crutch so set boundaries now, no apologies or explanations. If this is your fiance's SIL, and not even his blood relative, I would merely blow her off. There's a reason others are awkward around her.

    When I got married, I ceased family vacays (had for some time). My partner is my new family and we should not feel guilty making new memories together. PS. Hawaii is that expensive.

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    This is not your problem.

    Establish and maintain your boundaries. You're not being unfair.

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