Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Devoted November 2021

Am i crazy?

Flag
Hide content

Maureen, on February 7, 2021 at 6:03 PM

Posted in Planning 36

My really really good friend and are both engaged. I moved mine from Oct ‘20 to Nov ‘21, and she has always been March 2022. My mother has been in the works with our family about my bridal shower for the end of June, which I just found out. I had know idea about this because it was SUPPOSED to be a surprise, and she hadn’t told anyone but immediate family to get plane tickets moving. My friend started a group texted with girls about her June 2021 (9 months before her wedding) bach party the same weekend, and the Airbnb is booked. No heads up to seeing what my mom was cooking up. My mom wasn’t thinking about her plans, because she didn’t expect her to have a bach weekend 9 months before her wedding. I’m really hurt she didn’t ask me what my even plans were, what my availability was as another bride and work together on it. I could of easily asked my mom for her and or her reach out to her. Summer is already tight. I just think my friend should of asked my mom what her plans were for my bridal shower, and that weekend only works for my family. She already booked her Airbnb and everything, didn’t consider my planning at all. I’m not asking to involve you in all of your plans, but when two close friends are engaged, I expected a little transparency and consideration from her to me, my sister who’s helping my mom, my mom, and my FMIL.

And I wrong to be hurt? On top of all of it, she told my mom she “doesn’t need to get approval from her on her own planning”. As if that’s what my mom was asking for. My mom thought a kind text of, hey I was planning my a bach party for the summer, what are you plans with Maureen’s bridal shower looking like?” Would of been perfectly fine. I just feel hurt, so am I wrong to feel this way? It feels very behind my back.

Show all

36 Comments

Super September 2021
Paige L. · on February 8, 2021 at 4:01 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

Amen to this. OP, I get you are upset, but it is a touch irrational. If my best friend was getting married, I don't see why she would ask my mother about my plans for the weekend of her bachelorette party. Your mother decided to plan a surprise bridal shower months earlier than that type of event is hosted, and your friend planned her bachelorette party for the same weekend. It is unfortunate, but no reason to be hurt.
- Reply
Master 0000
Judith · on February 8, 2021 at 5:04 AM
Flag

Hide content
I think you both are responsible. Who would have expected a bachelorette that far out. It is not a last time out still single, it is a vacation, way ahead. But then, it likely ne er occurred to her to ask, because who has a shower as early as June for a November wedding? They are most often 2 weeks to 3 months before the wedding. Meanwhile, a shower is considered a lesser party ( than wedding) and people rarely fly or otherwise travel far for a shower, except a Mom or bride. Usually not much over an hour drive. So I can't say one of you should have checked, when both of you are outside the schedule. This happens a lot when people plan surprise showers, or go outside the usual last 3 months. Other people may consider your plans, but like weddings, it is not usual, or an obligation. So a few have to choose, a shower or a bachelorette. A lot of people do not check with others about June or summer dates because there are always multiple weddings, parties for weddings, baby showers, and graduations. If she scheduled around you, that might put her on someone else's. change that, and conflict with another. I really think you are being too sensitive about this. This may have been the only date 5-6 of her people could make it.
- Reply
Master October 2020
Yasmine · on February 8, 2021 at 6:53 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I agree with this!
- Reply
VIP August 2021
Katie · on February 8, 2021 at 7:43 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I agree with this. You both are having wedding celebration events way before they are normally held. I get that you both wanted to have these events in the summer but it's unusually early. If you aren't in her wedding, she isn't in yours, and neither of you are willing to change your event date then it sounds like you just need to get over. There's no reason to let this little coincidence bother you and ruin your wedding fun.
- Reply
Expert September 2021
· on February 8, 2021 at 9:21 AM
Flag

Hide content
A lot of my bridal party, like all of them, are either engaged, pregnant, have children with first birthdays coming up before my wedding in September. When my MOH was planning my bachelorette, she made sure no one had birthday parties, baby showers, or anything big planned. It was kind of tedious because I have so many girls in the wedding but we wanted to make sure everyone who wanted to come, could. I don't think your friend intended to hurt your feelings - but I do think she could have checked to make sure it was a good weekend for everyone before booking an Airbnb. That's just pretty bold to do without knowing who all was open that weekend.
Again, I don't think she meant to take away from your shower, but I do think she should have checked with you - and all of her other bridesmaids for that matter! Not that she "needs approval", but when you plan a trip with your friends, Bach or not, you should definitely make sure it was a good time for a trip.
- Reply
Devoted November 2021
Maureen · on February 8, 2021 at 9:30 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Her entire party crew is invited to my shower, and I’m in her wedding.
- Reply
VIP May 2022
Ava · on February 8, 2021 at 9:54 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Oh bummer. That is very unfortunate. I think you need to decide what is more important to you. If attending your friends Bach party and having those friends attend your shower is important, you will need to reschedule your wedding shower. Otherwise you can leave your shower on the date it is currently scheduled for and just accept that you will miss the Bach party and those friends’ attendance. If that’s the case, maybe you could have a second shower or a luncheon for those friends who couldn’t make it.
- Reply
Master 0000
Judith · on February 8, 2021 at 10:29 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
With that many overlaps, you may want to sit down with your mom over a new date. Party hosts should never plan complete surprises, as the secrecy means lots of people can be double booked. The next date, she needs to check with others she wants to invite. Let the nature and specific plans be a surprise. But never, ever the schedule. In the year before my wedding, I was supposed to be guest of honor at the first birthday around home for 5 years, not traveling or in the army. Later, a shower. In their efforts to surprise me, they surprised themselves. In each case I had another uninvolved friend, who had no idea, make plans with me. I was long gone when they showed up. 30-35 guests at one birthday, months later a shower, and no guest of honor. 🙂 You need to work with mom on a new date with fewer conflicts. Possibly, you could have one small shower for both families, and any family friends. If one or more of your friends not in the wedding or some of your bridal party decide to give a second Friend's shower. Many people have 2 small showers not one big one, either for scheduling reasons, or to cover people on different areas.
- Reply
Just Said Yes May 2021
Teresa · on February 8, 2021 at 10:43 AM
Flag

Hide content
No, you’re not crazy. I would feel the same, but for a different reason. It is about the way she responded to your mother! While she wasn’t obligated to, there is a more respectful way to handle things. Furthermore, it is very unorthodox to have a bachelorette party 9 months before a wedding. They usually do it within 1-2 months before the event.

She is kind of setting herself up and not keeping in mind that engagements can be broken off, so it is best to wait until much closer. Not that anyone wishes bad on her, just saying.
Express to her how you feel. Even if she goes through with the plans, she SHOULD be empathetic about how you feel as her friend. Talk it out and explain you want both of you to be able to be there for BOTH of your special events. She should really understand that part.
- Reply
Devoted November 2021
Maureen · on February 8, 2021 at 10:46 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
THANK YOU. And I’m in her wedding! My mom is livid at how she spoke to her! THATS what has grinder her gears at this point.
- Reply
Devoted November 2021
Maureen · on February 8, 2021 at 11:02 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I’m in her wedding, and my mother was planning on telling her within days. She never checked in with me before booking her airbnb, she could of reached out to my sister/MOH. She clearly was trying to avoid hurricane season, why wouldn’t my host also.
- Reply
Expert September 2022
Allie · on February 8, 2021 at 11:06 AM
Flag

Hide content
I think this may have just been a misunderstanding that then went awry with the (seemingly snarky) comment from your friend about not needing approval from your mom. Ideally, your mom or someone would have said to you "hey please block off such-and-such weekend for (insert random non-shower reason here as a distraction)"....AND your friend should have *definitely* checked with her bach party guests prior to booking a place. Those things would have prevented the mishap. If your friend happened to know that your mom was actively planning a surprise shower for you (but no date communicated to BP/guests yet), I think she should have checked with your mom before booking a bachelorette place and communicating the date to her guests. But the snarky comments seem to be what boiled things over. The overlapping guest list is a huge problem, of course. I don't have any good advice, unfortunately. Just wishing you luck in navigating the misunderstanding and the wedding planning process!
- Reply
Just Said Yes May 2021
Teresa · on February 8, 2021 at 11:13 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I totally get it. I hope you guys can reach common ground! Good luck.
- Reply
VIP August 2021
Katie · on February 8, 2021 at 11:46 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Well if you are in her wedding than she definitely should have checked with you and all the other bridesmaids. I can then see you being upset with her. When you have another bride to be in your wedding party you both have to check and make sure you both won't be overlapping with wedding plans.
- Reply
Just Said Yes May 2021
Lynzee · on February 8, 2021 at 2:26 PM
Flag

Hide content
I'm in a similar situation. between close friends and their friends, we're planning at least 5 weddings this spring/summer. We all got engaged within 3 months of each other, then started talking dates immediately after. We decided early on to be open with all the major dates (wedding date, bachelor/bachelorette plans, bridal showers, etc). So far it's worked out, but it hasn't been easy! I'd say you were right to expect a little transparency, but also those expectations need to be thoroughly communicated. Bridal emotions are running high!
- Reply

Master 0000
Judith · on February 9, 2021 at 11:46 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
But the friend is not a mind reader. She may have checked with your mutual friends, and since your family had not told anyone, all said they were free. It is sad that it happened, but she did nothing wrong, and your anger is misplaced.
- Reply