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Audrey
Savvy October 2019

Am i in the right??

Audrey, on October 7, 2019 at 7:58 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 27
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So I just recently found out that my sister-in-law (to be) and my mother-in-law (to be) are planning on being late to my wedding. And by late I mean they’re missing the whole process of getting ready together because they have a preferred stylist. Now I wouldn’t have an issue with that if I didn’t already hire a stylist to be there to do hair for everyone. Which they both knew I had done. They’re planning on showing up right on time for pictures and potentially will be missing some because of their inability to arrive on time. I’m extremely frustrated with this situation because I don’t feel respected. I don’t feel as if I have become important enough for them to even show up for the big day. Am I wrong for wanting this one day to be about me? And am I wrong for being upset with them?

A side note to the whole thing :
the venue is 2 hours away from where they are getting their hair done, and I’m honestly not sure that they’ve tried to move their appointment up at all.
Another reason I’m so disappointed is that I’ve invited my sister-in-law to every event because she is also a bridesmaid. (Even though we hardly know one another) And she didn’t show up to a single thing. Not one bridal tea, shower, or anything. And now she plans to be late.

27 Comments

Latest activity by Kodi, on October 8, 2019 at 10:18 AM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    So, they're not going to be late, they're just not going to be early, am I understanding correctly? They are allowed to have their hair and makeup done by whoever they want. I'm sorry that it upsets you so much. Your feelings are valid, but there's not much you can do about it. As long as they are ready and there for photos, that's all that matters. Most people don't invite their FMIL to get ready with them anyway.

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  • Audrey
    Savvy October 2019
    Audrey ·
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    One of them being my bridesmaid does cause for that to be more of an issue for me. As far as my mother in law goes I guess she can do as she pleases.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    So can your bridesmaids. Unless you're paying for their hair and makeup, you don't have any say in who does it. Even if you did offer to pay, they don't have to take you up on that offer. You said that you aren't even close. Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable spending the entire morning getting ready with you and your friends if you don't have a good relationship.

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    I agree this is very rude and inconsiderate of them, but at this point, I'd just say, "Okay, thanks, we'll miss you earlier in the day, and photos will begin promptly at ____." And then, let it go. They are being disrespectful (by not telling you when you asked about making their appointments), but getting upset about it just makes things worse for you and you don't need that, and it probably won't change anything. However, if they are late for pictures, they just won't be in them -- do not wait for them or rearrange the schedule (and tell your photographer you need them to follow your schedule/directions NOT what anyone else pushes for the day of). Daughter figured there was a 50-50% chance a BM and her 4 kids who were the FGs & RBs would be late, because they always are and refused to follow any of her suggestions that would have made things easier/more convenient for THEM. Shockingly, they made it on time, but if they hadn't daughter was fully prepared for them to not be in photos before the wedding. (As it was, that BM wasn't in any of the getting ready photos, based on her choices for the morning....) Good luck!

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  • Audrey
    Savvy October 2019
    Audrey ·
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    I plan to continue with pictures without them. I just hate that it came to this situation. I wanted nothing more than us all to be getting ready together. This venue is 2 hours away and they have never been to it before (even though I also offered many times to take them to see it). Which makes me nervous that they will get lost and miss more pictures than even they planned for. But at the end of the day I guess I have to stop caring because obviously they don’t 🤷🏼‍♀️
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  • Audrey
    Savvy October 2019
    Audrey ·
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    I just feel like this is something that could have been avoided if discussed earlier, this was all brought to my attention within this last week. My wedding is this Saturday. It added stress where I didn’t need it to be. I respectfully disagree with you only because I feel that their decision was delayed and impractical when it came down to timing.
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  • A
    Master June 2020
    Anna ·
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    I would just roll with it , and enjoy your day. Perhaps your sister-in-law to be is shy, or uncomfortable in groups of people she doesn't know.

    Don't jump to conclusions. It will all be ok. I have no problem if others chose to get ready on their own.

    I will be involved with my own excitement, I will not let anyone else dull my shine or my happiness.

    It's true, the day is about the bride and groom. That doesn't mean that we have control of every situation on our day.

    Some people are modest, and prefer others don't see them get ready. There could be a variety of reasons. Just shake it off and move forward.

    I would view getting ready with the bride as an option, not mandatory. You will be so busy, I doubt you will miss them❤

    Looking back someday, you will see this as what it is, a small hiccup in your planning. Try not to spend too much energy on it. You should be focused on the good things ahead. We can't control others, just our reaction.

    Breathe! Hugs to you! It's fine, I promise❤
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    It would make me nervous too. My husband wanted to go get his hair cut 2 hours away the morning of the wedding with his groomsmen and I told him no. He kind of had to listen though lol. Unfortunately, being upset about this isn't going to change it. I would tell your sister-in-law that if she late then she obviously she doesn't want to be in the wedding and she can be a guest. As for your mother-in-law, it isn't necessary for her to get ready with you. My mother-in-law didn't get ready with me. I invited her to, but she didn't like the pricng for hair and makeup and since it was optional I wasn't paying for her to have her hair and makeup done. She went to Walmart to have her hair done and her sister did her makeup. I was perfectly fine not having her get ready with us because she would have caused more drama. I would also make it very clear to both of them that if they are late that you aren't waiting for them. It sounds like they aren't very respectful of you and fiance. Has he tried talking to them about this since they are his family?
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  • Audrey
    Savvy October 2019
    Audrey ·
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    He has some, but he doesn’t want to get in the middle and cause any issues. Which I understand completely. I think it’s all just the principal that if the roles were reversed I’d do whatever the bride was seeking for her big day. I’m just so worried that they’ll miss pictures and at the end of the day (even though I have warned them) they will forever be upset we started without them. There is Just this underlying fear that they’ll get lost or stuck in traffic and miss so much more than they realize. And while I know my picture don’t start until 1, we have a videographer and we plan to still take pictures all getting ready. So I guess they just won’t be in that part of it all.
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  • Audrey
    Savvy October 2019
    Audrey ·
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    I’m for sure trying to breathe through it all! I know I probably sound crazy or controlling, but I’m so worried they’ll be later than they realize and miss so much more. I know my pictures are starting at 1, which technically they said they can probably be there by, however I got everyone robs to get ready together in, I have a videographer whose getting video of us all getting ready together, and on top of that we still planned to take pictures of all of us getting ready together. It hurts my heart to think that they’d rather do their own thing than try and join in on a big day. But at the end of the day it’s their choice to be late.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    That is their decision so if they miss these things they are the ones that made the decision to miss them so they can only blame themselves. And honestly if you aren't close with your sister-in-law you shouldn't have made her bridesmaid to bring with. I would stop worrying about it. You have done your part and told them whenever and where everything is.
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  • A
    Master June 2020
    Anna ·
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    I guess you feel like so many things are up in the air and how you handle it is by trying to control something.... I do the same thingSmiley smile

    I'm 53, in my younger days, this would have hurt me deeply. Now, luckily I've mellowed, and I realize that most things people do, have nothing to do with me at all....so, I've learned to just let go of trying to control things. God's got us, it will all work out, you will see.

    What they may miss, is their loss, not yours. Enjoy each and every moment!
    If they aren't in all if the pictures, rhst
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  • A
    Master June 2020
    Anna ·
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    Oops* that is ok. You will be in them and that's what's important. Take the focus off them, put it on your joy and happiness. you are getting married!! Hooray! ❤
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  • Audrey
    Savvy October 2019
    Audrey ·
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    I initially didn’t want to ask her, but I was pressured to ask since she is going to be my sister-in-law. I for sure regret my decision, but I do still wish that an effort would have been made.
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  • Audrey
    Savvy October 2019
    Audrey ·
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    Thank you! I am trying to enjoy everything, I’ve just been overwhelmed and this felt like a punch from left field. When you really are trying to be friends and family with your in-laws and it doesn’t feel reciprocated it hurts. At least it hurts me when I now live in their town 2 hours from my
    home town and they’re really all I have to lean on (other than my fiancé). But this is their choice so, so be it!
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  • A
    Master June 2020
    Anna ·
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    Have you told them how you feel? They may have no clue!
    Maybe they are just comfortable with that hairdresser, or they don't want to overwhelm or crowd you.

    You could just mention that you hate that they can't make it and you will miss them, because you were looking forward to the bonding time. That will do two things....you are taking the high road, and they will then know it's affecting you.

    Again, hugs to you! It's going to be ok! It will be the day you have dreamed of and more❤
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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    I completely agree with this. As long as they are there for pictures and the ceremony, they are on time. If you're not close to your FSIL it may feel awkward for her anyway. It is not her obligation to be at any event aside from your wedding. How you proceed from here is going to set the tone for your future in this family.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I'm sorry you felt pressured to include her. I had my husband's sister as a bridesmaid, but that my choice and I love her like my own sister. It sucks that they are not respecting your wishes. The groomswoman got ready with us and my husband had a chat with her months before the wedding about her attitude. She was very disrespectful to my bridesmaids and I when we went dress shopping. He basically told her that if she didn't lose her attitude then she wouldn't be in the wedding. The morning of the wedding, she didn't want to wear the robe I bought her and complained about it to my brother's wife and my husband's sister both who were in the wedding. They didn't tell me until after the wedding that she was upset because they didn't want to stress me out. Although she complained to then, she worn it for the photos since I asked her to. Do they know you bought them robes or did you check with them about where they were getting ready before you bought them robes? I check with everyone before I bought their robes to see what their plans were.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I hope they'll be on time at least. But at this point don't bother with them. You focus on yourself and whomever wants to be there.
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  • Tanya
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Tanya ·
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    I would be equally upset. Maybe your significant other could talk to them and explain how important this day is to both of you and that he would appreciate that they be on time and accepting of your plans and preparation. If his sister who is also a bridesmaid can't make any pre wedding events maybe you should reconsider having her in your wedding.
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