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Savvy April 2021

Am i really the guest of honor???

Stephanie, on December 16, 2020 at 1:27 PM

Posted in Parties and Events 29

Hey Guys, I just want to start off by saying I fully appreciate my fiancé, my fiancé's family, my friends, and my family very very much. That being said, since I announced my engagement I feel like I have been on my own with all of the planning... I will admit I am a go-getter type and can handle...

Hey Guys,

I just want to start off by saying I fully appreciate my fiancé, my fiancé's family, my friends, and my family very very much. That being said, since I announced my engagement I feel like I have been on my own with all of the planning...

I will admit I am a go-getter type and can handle executing any and all wedding related events. I have planned every event myself and feel as though I have to beg to get anyone interested in participating in the planning. My mother and mother-in-law are not the planning type. That is okay because I am willing to help them, but I am extremely overwhelmed at this point.

I have planned my own engagement party, 2 wedding showers, my honeymoon, and the wedding ON MY OWN. My bridesmaids took over one shower which was helpful but that was after I asked them to get started on it for three months.

If you are familiar with DISC Assessments, I am high in the D category so I get tasks done quickly and asap. I understand no one feels the level of urgency I feel but I am the bride and I have a lot on my plate. Planning a wedding shower two weeks before it happens is not something I can adjust to.. SO I choose to get it done two months early and by myself.

Please give me some advice. I am trying to keep it together but I have a shower in 10 days and my mother-in-law has yet to rent a tent, chairs, etc. I am trying so hard not to step in but I feel I have no choice. My fiancé tells me to "let it fail if it is to fail or let it succeed if it is going to succeed" but I don't know how..


I have high anxiety from all of this, a high level job I work at 50 hours a week, I just recovered from COVID and have lasting lung disabilities, not to mention the financial burden of all of this... Smiley cry

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29 Comments

  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    Where is your FH in all of this? The only one whose responsibility it is to plan your wedding is you and your FH. If he’s not helping, that’s a problem, and he’s barely mentioned in your list of frustrations. Hope he is helping you 50/50 and providing the right support ♥️
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Agree with this. You should not take this on yourself. If your fiance doesn't want to help with plans, let him know there won't be a wedding until he does because you are not marrying yourself.
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  • L
    Lisa ·
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    To answer your question “am I really the guest of honor?” No, you are not. You are planning these parties therefore you are the hostess.
    You mentioned you are “stressed and broke planning these parties”. These events are a lot of work and cost money. This is why you graciously accept and are thankful to anyone who offers to host one in your honor.
    When that is done, THEN you are the guest of honor. With regards to yours and your fiancé’s comments about the upcoming parties “succeeding or failing” ... how incredibly ungracious. Please reread what you wrote and think if this same attitude has been directed to your family and bridal party. If even slightly, this may be why no one is wanting to help or are not offering to host.
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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    In US culture, if that is where you're from, you don't plan your own showers, bachelorette, or engagement party. Those are up to other people to offer to throw you. If you're close with your mom, you can mention it to her and express that you'd like to have one. But you don't plan them yourself, and especially not start something and then expect someone (like your MIL) to take over.


    I will say I have never heard of in law's planning the honeymoon.
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  • S
    Savvy April 2021
    Stephanie ·
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    I’m not sure how to explain what I need besides mental support. Advise on explaining anxiety? He’s not much of a planner so that’s why I left him out of it. I have tried to involve him but he’s very simple. He would be happy with anything.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2020
    Katie ·
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    Hi Stephanie! It is difficult when mom and others aren’t as into it as you expected (been there!). Simplify what you can to relieve the stress and financial aspects (ex: don’t sweat chargers, extra details, etc.). For me, my main focus was the wedding itself. Delegation is a good thing, but if one aspect is super important to you, then you can take on that item. Hang in there ❤️
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    I told my DH that it takes two to BE married and it takes two to GET married.

    Sometimes I had to all but drop the planning book on his head... when it was right in front of him... but he was also very active in planning and making decisions.

    Planning a wedding is practice for all the other decisions you will make as a couple. If he checks out NOW, he'll check out on those, too.

    It sounds an awful lot like your friends and family aren't helping because you ... don't like help? I don't mean this in a bad way, I mean - you "took over" because you were "too stressed" by the way they did things.

    Breathe.

    Let people do things for you. Consider this an exercise in letting go and letting things happen without you.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Be honest and say how you feel. That's communication 101. He really needs to have some input. While he doesn't have to plan every detail with you, give him options to pick from. Also, is there any aspect that he is interested in? Alot of men tend to take over food and music planning because it fits their interests and comfort levels.
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  • A
    Super September 2020
    Alli ·
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    I agree with this... sounds like potential future turmoil.
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