Am i terrible person not to let my parents invite all of their close friends to our wedding?

You're not a terrible person but unfortunately there will be no reasoning with your parents either. You shouldn't have caved. This is why so many posters here advise not to accept family money if you're worried about something like this; they offered to pay so they could gain control of your event, and you gave it to them. 5 couples would be more than generous no matter who is paying. Who is ordering the invitations and keeping track of RSVPs? If you are, you could tell your parents that you invited their friends but they all declined. Or cut off contact with them, don't accept any more of their money, and pay for the wedding yourselves like you should have from the start.

I don’t think you’re in the wrong and I also find it strange they would rather cut their siblings from the list to have their friends. What sucks with that is it’ll look like you’re the one who didn’t want them to come when they realize they aren’t invited. I would definitely tell your parents if they don’t want their siblings to come that they call them and tell them they would rather have their friends come instead of letting that potential drama and hurt feelings fall on you. Another thing is think of people paying for your wedding or even contributing funds to it as investors who will always get a say in how their money is spent. It is a main reason why my husband and I went with a long engagement just so we could have the time to save and pay for everything ourselves and not have anyone’s input on our day. If you and you’re fiancé are able to maybe you should pay for the rest of the wedding yourselves and no longer accept help from your parents. If not, it’ll ultimately be their wedding, your marriage.

Be firm. Set and maintain boundaries with consequences. If you don’t stop the bullying and guilt tripping now, they will dictate the rest of your lives. Your parents are in the wrong but you are not a bad person by choosing who you want at your own wedding. Parents already got married and someone else planned it for them so they are living vicariously through you.



Give the money back and invite only those you can’t imagine the day without that you and fiancé can afford without help and bullying.

Tell your parents that you don't want gifts that have strings attached, give them back their money, and pay for the wedding you want. It's awful that parents do this. Their paying shouldn't mean that they get sole discretion, but they all seem to that it does.

Money comes with strings. If they are paying they get the say in this, unfortunately.

You have been more than generous and accommodating with them. You need to establish boundaries ASAP. Sit down with them and make it clear that you want your nearest and dearest present at your wedding, and are not willing to cut your family members for their friends, and if that means them not contributing to the wedding, then so be it.

So I had this issue with my mom at first and eventually just decided to invite them because I feel she is doing a lot for me and doesn’t have any obligation to do so. My mom was very reasonable and only asked to invite 3 of her closest female friends and they would not bring their husbands so it will just be the women.


I realized it wouldn’t really effect me if 2-3 of my moms good friends come and it would be a better time for her. I will extend the same number of invites to my future MIL and FIL out of fairness. I realized that it wasn’t as big of a deal that they want to invite a few people, as I had originally made it, and caved in. I want people to have a good time! I am truly thankful for our parent’s generous contributions and felt like some concessions should be made on our end.

Unfortunately, when you agreed to let your parents pay, you basically give them the right to invite whoever they would like.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this unnecessary stress. I may be in the minority but it's your day, so do what makes you happy. If this is truly a gift because they want to support you, then they should know gifts don't come with holding your guest list hostage. So in the end, the 5 you gave them are more than generous.

If you have a close relationship with your aunts/uncles or think it would hurt your relationship with them, I definitely wouldn't cut them from the list. Even if you uncles and aunts cant come as your parents predicted, it's the thought that counts and they'll know they made the cut. Everyone knows weddings are ridiculously pricey, and if we could all invite our fam, friends, AND please in-laws we'd all have guest lists over 300 and be way over budget. Her friends will understand, I'm sure they are or will be in the same position when their kids get married.

If they want to dictate the guest list and make sure everything they want happens, they can renew their vows.

It’s not a true pleasant gift of paying for the wedding if it comes with a price. It’s YOUR wedding day, but ppl some how will try to make it about themselves. My grandmother said she wasn’t coming to my wedding because I didn’t invite my uncle *her son* And now she’s uninvited. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I always hated when ppl payed for anything, because it 9/10 comes with a price. I think you should sit down & speak with your dad about the issue. Let them know it’s your wedding day & you have a vision. One thing that helped me was inviting those who know both of us well & would be there to celebrate our marriage & not inviting ppl just because they know my parents.