Am i wrong?

While your feelings are valid, she is an adult able to make her own decisions. It is strange you were invited via text instead of an actual invite (and this should be a lesson to those who want to electronic invites that it easily backfires) . However she clearly feels closer to the other relatives as is her right. I don’t see that she did anything wrong beyond that. There could have been better communication between you two (both at fault for that) but beyond that, she’s an adult. If she chose not to include you in planning, her fiancé is not to blame. Unless there is domestic violence going on where she is kept hostage and can only do why he decides, the plans are theirs to make. At this point, try to repair your relationship and realize she is not as emotionally dependent on you as you are on her or continue to feel whatever it is you do without being proactive.

You are entitled to your feelings, but an engagement is between the couple getting engaged and how they choose to do it. You were invited to the event, so I don't necessarily see a way in which you were wronged.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your advice. She

I obviously don't know you, so I say this with the utmost respect, but maybe her fiance thought that you would make it all about you, as you seem to be doing now. Neither of my parents knew that my fiance would be proposing when he did, and neither of them cared. They were still happy for me. Instead of being there for your daughter for one of the happiest days of her life, you chose to throw a pity party. While you absolutely have the right to feel upset, I also don't blame your daughter for being upset and wanting an apology. Unfortunately, there's no redo here. You can only decide if you want to offer her a genuine apology and then move on.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the advice. She's in a very healthy relationship. One I'm very happy with. They support and encourage each other's dreams and I love that about them.

View Quoted Comment I wouldn't have ever made it about me. But I can see your point. Thank you for the feedback.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this 100%

I think a proposal is a private thing, entirely their choice, and no one in my close or extended family would think they did anything wrong. Mothers and fathers are completely unnecessary to a wedding proposal. If they invited a few people, and you wanted to go, you should have gone when texted. To not go because you did not like the invitation, it was your own " not good enough for me" behavior that caused you to miss it. Your bad behavior, your problem. Not their fault. Do not be surprised if you are left out of other things if how you are asked is more important than the event.

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Agree 100%. I am hoping if you hear this from more people, you will begin to accept that you are absolutely making this all about you, and in the process, have unfortunately missed one of the happiest days of your daughter's life for no other reason than spite, self-pity, and maybe a little bit of jealousy? I hope you can pause, self-reflect, and work through these feelings so that you don't make the same mistake as they begin to plan their wedding.

Wow, you definitely messed up by not going. He did attempt to involve you as you were invited, which is a lot more involvement than most parents have in their child’s engagement. You have serious apologizing to do to the both of them.

I can understand your pain. If your husband were still alive, your daughter's fiance may have traditionally gone to him for permission to marry your daughter. You may/may not have been blindsided by the proposal and I can see where getting a text about it may have been unsavory. However, moving forward, I think if you want to be involved in bridal showers, wedding planning, etc. and your daughter's life in general, it would be best to apologize for not coming to the proposal and let your daughter and her fiance know that you are fully supportive of their relationship moving forward.

I can understand why you feel the way you do, however this brings me to my own personal experience with my mother when my engagement happened. My parents and his parents knew he was going to propose, but he didn't tell them when it would be. My parents are divorced and my dad was selling his house and still had some of my mom's things, so she was at his house picking them up when I called to say we were engaged. My mom left her phone in the car and missed my calls, but my dad picked up and got the news first. My mom's reaction was TERRIBLE, she actually took the phone and yelled at me for not calling her first even though I did. She ruined the moment for me, my fiance AND my dad. And now looking back she's upset at how she acted because she realizes that. So your actions affect others as well, and you didn't attend the event so that might stick. I think you do owe an apology to her and her fiance for acting the way you did because it probably hurt her more than she's letting on. An engagement is supposed to be about those two people, not everyone else.

Your daughter is a grown woman.

At no point, in any way, should her fiance have *asked permission* to marry her, or to propose. That implies that you own/control her, and that she is property, not a human being. If DH had asked my father, DH would currently be floating somewhere past Jupiter, because my father would have yeeted him out of orbit for disrespecting me like that.

Coordinating with family to surprise her is one thing, and you were invited. He may not have asked you to help coordinate, because he needed more people, were afraid you'd spill, or would demand to 'grant permission'.

Please take a look at your own actions around him, and how you treat the two of them. This 100% influences how they interact with you.

You may feel slighted, and you’re entitled to your feelings, but imagine how your daughter feels knowing that her only parent didn’t even come to her engagement because it didn’t go the way her mother wanted it to.

As a single mother myself, this would devastate me. Perhaps the FH feels closer to the other family members & that’s why he involved them in the planning. That would be a perfectly reasonable explanation. But you should also do some self reflection to determine if it had anything to do with you personally. You made a big mistake not going & you owe both of them an apology &, if you want to be involved in the wedding planning, a promise that you will respect whatever boundaries they set for you in the future. Having an open & honest conversation with them may give you some insight on why it happened.

Not going to your daughter's engagement because you weren't included in the plans is so petty.

Are you close with her, or even have a decent mother/daughter relationship?


I get you being upset and while others say she is an adult and able to make decisions on her own, however if you have a relationship with your daughter I feel the mother of the bride should have been way more involved than just a text on being invited. I don't blame you for your feelings. I don't know if skipping her wedding was the right move. But I think as your daughter she should have stepped up and included you regardless if her fh didn't think you need to be. I made sure when planning my wedding that both families felt included in the planning process.

Ok I read that wrong I thought you weren't involved in the wedding planning. But I reread and see it was the engagement party you weren't involved in. I think as much as that may suck, you still should have went. My parents really didn't have much involvement in my engagement. I'd apologize to them for missing one of their milestones and let them know that you would be more than happy to help plan the wedding.

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This. Her engagement was about her, not about you. You're making it about you.

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It was an invitation to the engagement, not the wedding.