And then the hard thing...finances!

I think different things work for couples. For example we are an older couple and have a home in MD and another home in FL so I pay all the bills in one location and he pays all the bills for the other house and we each buy food and miscellaneous things. It just works for us but I think couples have to figure out what works for them.

FH and I moved in together in May. We had been saving money in my savings account before then so when we moved in together we opened a joint account with our savings and now both paychecks go directly into our joint account. We both still have our personal checking accounts (not savings) so that we can each have our own money to do with what we want and to be able to buy gifts for each other without the other knowing. I transfer $100 each pay period to our personal accounts.
I handle all of our finances though. FH is terrible at budgets and remembering to pay things so I take care of all of it. If there is a large expense we discuss it before moving forward with it, if there are things either of us needs (clothes, etc) or the kids need and it’s less than $100 we just do it and make sure the other is aware of it. It works well for us but there is also a good level of trust between us so there is never a worry.

View Quoted Comment Is there any suggestion you would make to couples still finding their financial footing, something you think could help the process?

View Quoted Comment That sounds a lot like how my household handles it. Any suggestions you would make to a couple still trying to figure it out? I'm 37 now, so looking back at my young 20s, I had a lot to learn, and came a long way, but not sure how to put it into words for someone else to gain the benefit of my experience, so to speak...

View Quoted Comment Honestly I suggest just sitting down and going over your finances with your FH. My FH hates talking about money and such. It makes him so uncomfortable to talk about those things, but we had to do it. So I took the time to create a spreadsheet showing our current situation and what it would take to get us where we wanted to be. This was a huge help to him to see the reality of our finances. Sure he still sometimes asks if we can buy some random completely unreasonable thing and I have to say “uh no” but he understands better what we can and can’t do now. Having that uncomfortable discussion early on also helped get him more comfortable with those discussions.
It sounds like your FH is ok with you handling things, but it is important that he understands where you guys are financially.
Good luck!

Oh and I have a running family budget spreadsheet. It has our paycheck deposits and all bills outgoing plus groceries on a weekly basis, gas, a family fund fund on a monthly basis, and other expenses we have weekly or monthly. I have it tracking through June 2021 right now. Obviously it isn’t exactly right on but the running balance stays pretty darn close always.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! We are fine financially, we have a discussion to go over everything on Saturday morning while we drink our coffee and use Google sheets (since it's accessible anywhere) to track it so he can see it too...this thread is to help other couples who are just getting started to tackle a subject that is often difficult and/or uncomfortable 😉


Thank you for sharing what worked for you!!

My fiancé and I have agreed to keep our separate accounts and have a joint account. Our separate accounts will be and have been for our own things like credit cards, gym memberships, gift purchasing, etc. the joint accounts will be used for joint bills, rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries, pets, insurance, etc. it has worked for us for almost ten years.

View Quoted Comment Sounds very reasonable and workable! 😎 thank you for sharing!

View Quoted Comment Kimberly we are so very similar 🤣 I have ours extrapolated through December 2022. 💗

View Quoted Comment LOL I usually just keep mine about a year out since things can change, but if we are trying to make a decision for something big (job change, house buying, car buying) I will make a sample budget and take it out a couple of years. I like numbers and plans! 😂

He owned the home when I moved in so there’s no rent. I asked him what I could pay for & he said everything is already on autopay. He makes a significant amount more than what I make. So we decided my $$ goes towards food & vacations. For now, I still pay my own auto insurance & phone bill. Once we get married, we will have a joint account & he will be responsible to make sure everything gets paid.

View Quoted Comment That trust is key! Thank you for sharing 💗

When we got engaged, we were also just moving in together for the first time, having known each other 9 months. Got engaged whole pack, so immediately went to yours, mine , ours, and special ( then wedding) . 5 kids , oldest in their teens, and all these years, we have continued this It works well, why mess with it. Wedding or special jas morphed to buying house money, or more farm money, or building farm outbuildings with second floor rentable apts, then a kids surgeries fund, then orthadontist then new woodworking shop, then new nursery trees. Getting more farm land I want with never more than a short fast paid loan, much from profits of that second occupation. His expanding his woodwork shop so he can one day say goodbye to working engineering as primary paycheck. Much of what he puts in is profits from his woodworking . Just dropped in $38 K profit after making new caninetry and bar for a country club, YOW! This is the serious savings that is not to be frittered away for vacations or clothes, only serious purchases that take a long time, or new vehicles with no note. General "ours" is running the family household stuff. We both put a steady matching hours contribution, 30 hours of my wages X4, 30hours of his X4 a month, because we get such different pay and I go from more hours in one thing than another by season. To start with we reserved 30% for us as individuals, but were finishing separate school loan repayment, and he was helping a relative with school. Sometimes that drops to 5% for months, then goes up to a most common 10%. That individual money gives us each some control over a few things neither of us will compromise half way on, and some we each spend on our large families, as well as little personal things. We review and change how much goes into his hers ours and special savings whenever there is a big change. But we have many very similar feelings on money, but also a few totally different ones. But we never have fought over money since we set it up. We each control how much / how many hours we work for engineering or PT paychecks, and how much on our much loved second occupations, when we are feeling very industrious and when we feel like just doing the minimum. Whatever system you choose, you each need some direct control of how it is spent, and some flexibility, and a generous spirit.

We have separate accounts and one joint savings account.

I significantly out earn my partner and always will (he is in sales, I am a lawyer) BUT I am also more financially responsible than he is. For that reason, we split our expenses equally with regard to income but adjusted his contribution to our expenses so that he is paying more than he should because otherwise he will (admittedly) just spend a lot of his leftover savings on stupid stuff.

We both have our own accounts + two shared account, one for our expenses and one for our savings. Each week, we both pay $X and $Y respectively into the expenses and savings account and when we do things like pay for dinner, buy groceries, pay for our Netflix subscription, we use the money in the shared expense account. Our shared savings account is for big things such as our home renovations and we still have our own separate savings accounts too.

We still have separate accounts.

...We did try to create a joint account last year, but, uh, DH couldn't get his paperwork in order (...no matter how many times I asked him to *double freaking check*), and it didn't happen.

I've been pushing for us to create at least a bill-paying account, but that hasn't happened yet.

Meanwhile, most of the bills are still in my name... me, the one with the 3 jobs that went up in COVID smoke in March.

We have our own separate accounts and a joint savings. I do majority of the food shopping, and we split the rest of the bills for now

View Quoted Comment I would say that I think it’s important to have tour own money as well as whatever joint accounts you might have. It’s also super important to maintain your own credit.

We pretty much just split things and we get paid on alternating weeks so he will buy anything we need for our home when he gets paid and vice versa.