Angry at my cousin--am i in the wrong here?

Will your family have to travel? If not then I wouldn't be too upset.

I can see being worried if your family had to travel across country for both of your weddings bc many cannot afford or don't want to travel back to back or be away for two weekends.

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Yes, about half of the family will have to travel by plane for each weddings (different halves, we are largely split between two states).

View Quoted Comment Okay that's too bad. I would be disappointed. If you feel the need to address her then just do it once then forgive her. Don't hold a grudge.

Since you didn't tell anyone besides immediate family your plans, your cousin had no way of knowing your plans. She probably didn't think to ask either. We didn't really ask anyone if our date worked for them when we picked it.

I am sorry to say but your cousin is not in the wrong. First, she does not need to coordinate a wedding date with you. That is up to her fiance and her and as the PP said since you did not tell people your new date how was she supposed to know. You are basically expecting her to check her life plans with you. When it came to our place and when we got married we did not ask opinions of others because it was our day. I do not mean to come off harsh and I get why you are upset but sorry to say regardless of your past issues with the family she was in no way obligated to check wedding dates with you and since she was unaware of your date then she is not in the wrong. With that said me personally I would not change my date. As a PP asked are the venues within distance of your families? I would not change my wedding to accommodate someone else's but that is up to you and your fh. Where you and your cousin should speak and come to an agreement are pre wedding events and make sure they are spaced out and do not conflict.

I mean I can see why you're upset (I would be if someone picked the weekend before or after ours) but I do think you needed to communicate what your new wedding date was going to be. If I had picked a date and then found out someone else had intended the week after but didn't tell anyone, I would have been kind of annoyed. When we made the decision to postpone, we told everyone the new date right away, just like we did with the first one.

Keep in mind, not only is your cousin competing with all the covid postponements as well as the new weddings, but it's very possible the other available dates may have conflicted with her other family or friends' wedding dates. Several people I know are looking at 6-7 weddings in the next year or two - I think we have 5 next year, so far.

Edit: when we picked the first date, we checked with our VIPs, the wedding party. The second time around, we didn't check with anyone, just picked a date and said this is what it is. FI's brother is getting married, and they didn't even check with immediate family (at least not us), just said here is the date, be there.

Sorry, I'm with your cousin on this one. You were the one who was already planning your wedding. You decided to keep your date quiet

I am with your cousin on this one She didn't know your new date. I would have told her your new date once you knew that she got engaged. I guess the best thing you can do is send your save the dates first and go from there best of luck

I think you should have told her your date once you found out she was engaged. You missed the opportunity to do so when you called to ask her about planning. Sounds like you were trying to make sure there wouldn't be a conflict in a roundabout way when you asked her about her plans, but she had no way of knowing that's what you were trying to do or that you had already set a date.

I'm stuck on the part where you say your family feels bullied by your extended family... but you want them at your wedding?

This is seriously concerning.

If your extended family is abusive, I would not worry about the close dates, I'd be worried people who were toxic and cruel would show up at your wedding.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Forget about the conflict of dates and focus on this. Pick who you want in attendance who is supportive, not toxic. The toxic ones have no business being invited.

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I'm with you on this one. She could of easily picked up the phone and asked her what her new plans were, she KNEW you were moving dates around. That would of been the most respectful thing to do. Also, the fact that she is making your family have the decision to travel TWICE in a week span is crazy.

This exact thing happened to my sister and I, both of us Covid Brides. She was originally March 2020, and when looking at dates in fall 2020, she didn't want to book something to close to ours and make our family hop on planes twice too close. And she even had a tougher time finding new dates that aligned with a venue AND church, AND not close to our fall date. I considered her a saint.