Annoyed with the soon to be in laws

Honestly, if his parents are the ones wanting this big wedding, then I would sit down with them and say look, we do not have the finances to cover this big wedding. We are going to cut the guest list in half so that we can afford to pay for the wedding and the rehearsal dinner and the booze. If you would like more guests than what we can afford, then you will need to contribute financially (and you will need that money in your hands before making any changes). No compromises. End of story.


I just can’t stand to see families interject and push their wants onto couples for their weddings. But then don’t contribute anything towards it. If you aren’t contributing financially, you don’t have a say (unless the couple wants you to).

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Thank you. I feel this way as well as she has only helped with $250 as my parents have $12,000 in vendors cost and my fiancé and I are going to be at 5K! Like the booze if everyone will come will be 3K so yeah if his dad pays it i dont expect him to pay for anything else but for his mom to be way over the list and then barely pay to help its like hello whose paying for this!

I wouldn't book anything they want if they haven't physically given you the money or transferred ot to your account.

I agree with the previous comments! State that you will plan for the wedding that you and your fiance can afford, and if they insist on additional guests beyond that, they need to cover it (and make them aware that you'd need the money for the extra guests upfront). Do not book anything extra unless the money is in your bank account - I've heard so many horror stories from people who have been promised money, so they book the venue that's out of their budget, and then the promised money falls through, and they're stuck paying for something they can't afford.

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Thank you. I really didn't think it would be an issue with the in laws.

1. I would separate your FH from his family. It sounds like your FH wants the big guest list, even outside of what his parents may or may not want. If he wants that, he should be contributing to it.


2. I wouldn’t add or do anything they want unless they’re paying for it up front.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Build your wedding around the money you currently have and your own desires since it is your day, not theirs.

My FIL did start to talk a lot about how little they had spent on their wedding, but after a bit he realized.. yeah, that was the 80s. And they had a different crowd.

This is *your* wedding. You get to make the rules.

Now is the time to learn that "No" is a complete sentence, and that boundaries exist. And crossing them creates consequences. It's hard, but you can do it!

I had a similar issue with my MIL during our planning. I wanted a smaller 75 person wedding but my MIL came at me with this long list of everyone she needed to have there (which was more than 75 people). I compromised with her and we invited 100 people, but they agreed to chip in since my parents did as well (but my parents didn't have an obnoxious guest list request). In the end, I told her she could invite 50 people of her choice (half of the 100) and that was it. She ended up only giving us half of the money she said she would, but I never asked for her opinion on anything and did not book any vendor she suggested.

I say all this to say, you and your FH plan the wedding you want! Don't listen to other and don't feel obligated to appease anyone.

If people haven't voluntary offered/committed to pay for things (and, you feel confident that they are the kind of people who will actually have the money AND give it to you at the time it's needed), I'd stop asking/badgering them and plan a wedding you can afford with the funds available. If you've already asked his mom FOUR times about paying for the rehearsal and she's avoided answering or said she will not pay for it, for goodness sake, quit asking.... Based on your post, it's unclear if you and fiance are currently on the exact same page about the size and scope of the wedding guest list and the budget. If you're not, you need to have an honest heart-to-heart immediately about exactly what funds are clearly available and then, if necessary, alter your plans to fit the budget. Personally, if there are future conversations to be had with his parents, I'd leave it up to him to have them. Plan the wedding the two of you want, with the money you have access/control of. Stop asking others for money and you can stop listening to their demands. Good luck!