So I've never posted on this thread or anywhere else. I am a total basket-case. First time bride at 35. My wedding is scheduled for August 1, 2020 (semi-local for my family, my fiance's family would mostly have to fly in).
I am still trying to remain positive and hopeful that this day will come, as I know that the ban hasn't extended past mid-May. The venue that we are getting married at is very popular, and we were lucky to get the date we had when we booked it last October.
Our sampling event this month was cancelled (after being rescheduled by the venue), my bridal luncheon and bachelorette in early June could likely be cancelled as well.
The news articles are suggesting that this pandemic is supposed to last for another 12-18 months.
My concern is this, worst-case scenario: the venue would only allow us to postpone the wedding (while they get to keep our money), and the only dates they'd be able to give us would be a year from now. (They don't have Thursdays or other weekday nights that I'm aware of).
I have been a MOH twice, and a bridesmaid to most of my friends for the last 12 years. I've been to countless baby showers. I've always been a details person, and loved events and planning for them. Call me cheesy, but that's just who I am. Not to mention deep down, I loved the romance and the significance of a wedding day surrounded by family and friends. I've been there for literally all of my friends while they had their major life events, including my little sister, who was fortunate enough to get married at 28.
Most of my adult life I was single; most of my friends and significant others never made me feel like it though, and for that, I am truly grateful and appreciative for them. It reached a point where I thought I was fine with being single and childless, although I never thought in a million years that would be the way things would be. Then out of nowhere, and literally about to give up, I met him. When we got engaged last fall, I really couldn't believe I was a) engaged; and b) going to be his wife. It was this mind-altering experience, and I was so happy to be in the presence of it.
I love my fiance, and I know he would be marry me in a burlap sack. We joked that even if we wanted to get married right now, we couldn't - all the county clerk's offices and courthouses are closed, so we couldn't even apply for a marriage license.
Being perfectly blunt, I cannot biologically afford to postpone this wedding for another year. We wanted to have a baby by next year (like I said, I'm 35, and he's be 38).
I also wanted a honeymoon before we got pregnant. I've never been anywhere exotic at all, and after never travelling in my 20s (as all my friends chose to travel with their SOs instead, which is understandable), I thought this is my one shot to do that. (For some background, my fiance and I have also never been on a vacation together due to lots of different reasons).
I'm adamantly opposed to having a public wedding reception while pregnant or a few months postpartum. Call me old-fashioned, but it was never something I wanted; I wanted to be able to enjoy my wedding day and honeymoon, which includes drinks and not feeling nauseas and/or bloated.
I never imagined I would have to make such a tough decision in my life. I feel like I'm grieving for the loss of a major life moment that I never thought was obtainable - and now, so close to it - it's being snatched away from me.
Even my sister agrees with my reasoning because of my age, not waiting a year to have a big wedding is the smart thing to do if we want children right away. And that hurts because it really forces me to confront my age, which I must admit, is something that is a bit of a hangup for me.
For those brides who decided to cancel instead of postpone for a long time (if they couldn't get ANY date a few months out) - what are you planning to do? Are you waiting for the ban to lift to apply for your marriage license, get married somewhere really small, and that's it?
I'm worried this is causing me to be depressed (I already have severe anxiety over this, which I have been treating). I feel hosed. I feel angry. I feel alone, because no one in circles really know what this is like except the amazing women on this forum who have to face these issues. I know life isn't fair, and I do feel shame when there is so much suffering going on in the world.
Sorry for the long, dramatic post. I was just wondering if any brides (mid-30s and up) also felt this way.
