Any couples living separately before marriage?

View Quoted Comment Okay thanks for sharing your experiences

My fiancé and I did not plan on living together prior to marriage. It was not any sort of religious choice however- I was living in a big city and he was living in a small rural community. I don’t care for small-town life, so I just wanted to stay in the city as long as possible LOL We did end up moving in together though once the pandemic hit. I couldn’t imagine trying to see each other living almost 5 hours apart while quarantining. I have to say, I am super glad we made that decision now! Adjusting to living with someone is HARD; especially when it is two different lifestyles, like ours. All of our daily habits are sooooooo different. And I was aware of the majority of our differences prior to moving here, but those things don’t bother you so much when you each have your own spaces. Once you are sharing a home, it is very different. To be honest, I am STILL adjusting to everything. Had we waited to move in together until after we were married, I think it would have completely ruined the happy “newlywed phase” right after the wedding. Now we have plenty of time to get used to each other‘s habits, triggers, etc. before getting married, so we both know what we are in for with each other LOL I also think people are much more willing to bend and change certain things about themselves or their daily habits before they’re married (especially men), because they are still trying to woo the other person, and don’t have them “locked down” yet. Once people get married, it seems like they stop trying/compromising as much, because they know the other person is likely going to put up with a lot more because they are now legally bound to that person; they cannot just pick up and walk out the door and go back to their own home. I am now thankful I have this time prior to getting married to make sure I have him properly acclimated to what it takes to live with me and my expectations before the “I do’s”. And he has expressed the same feeling. He said he never realized how messy he was or how much he procrastinated on things, or how he spread himself thin with too many projects and then ended up with a whole bunch of half finished messes until now. I was afraid living together would ruin the excitement and romance of it once we were married, but now I am so thankful for it!

View Quoted Comment I'm sure theirs pros and cons to both ways and many people refuse suggest the other way

View Quoted Comment How is it with his child? Does his child live with you as well full time or part time?

View Quoted Comment I completely agree! I think living separately has so many good points to it, and I had actually planned on not living together until we got married. But, the pandemic changed all that for us. Now I am so glad we moved in together! Adjusting to living with someone is so difficult! Prior to moving in with my fiancé, I had been incredibly independent and living alone for 4 years, and I loved it! I had no idea how many challenges I would face having to share a home with someone. I was afraid moving in together before marriage would ruin the excitement and romance of it... now I am so thankful we did! Because I am pretty sure all the challenges, frustrations and bickering we had to go through at first would have definitely ruined the experience for me.

View Quoted Comment That was one of the bigger challenges for me! I’ve never lived with a child or ever spent any real length of time with one before. Kids have just never been my thing! So adjusting to living with one half the time (50/50 custody) definitely took some getting used to. Luckily he is a very sweet, well-mannered child, so there are no behavioral issues I’ve had to deal with. Plus, before I even moved in, my fiancé and I discussed what my role would be in that aspect. I told him I very much respected his decision to be a parent, and I needed him to also respect my decision to not be one. So we both agreed I would not take on a real parental type role. So I do not babysit him or discipline him – I leave that up to his dad. I just get to be dad‘s fun girlfriend! Which has worked out great for us, and for his son. I think it is also helped with the relationship with the child’s mother. With my not taking on a parental role, she has never felt threatened by me or thought that I was trying to fill a mommy role or overstep my boundaries. Since I’ve moved in, her and my fiancé’s co-parenting relationship has never been better.

View Quoted Comment Very true! Work what’s best for you not the other way around!

View Quoted Comment Very nice! Super happy for you.

View Quoted Comment Omg I feel the same. I was raised that you don’t have sex let alone move in with someone before marriage. This cause a lot of people my age to marry very young.....scared the crap of of me! I developed a desire to commit but a fear of as well. I still think it’s a beautiful arrangement, very special. I just think that people with certain life experiences or personalities may find this much more challenging once they are married. Idk lol

You definitely aren't the only one, based on all the posts here about it! I understand you feel alone in your community and/or friend group. But you have lots of "not living together before marriage" company here.

To answer your OP question about why it's so rare, I think there are so many practical reasons for combining households before marriage, and that practicality appeals to a lot of people. Not least the monetary benefits of only paying one rent/mortgage.

View Quoted Comment Okay thanks for sharing your experiences abd perspectives.

View Quoted Comment I always live with a roommate to save expenses. Yes, I see the financial benefits of living together before marriage.

Girl I'm with you on that. I feel so alone and I feel like people look at us funny because we are getting married and probably won't be living with each other until after the wedding. We are trying to get a house but with this market I feel like it's going to be after the wedding when we actually buy one. We live with our parents. A year into our relationship we talked about getting an apartment but we both agreed that we didn't want to do that and that we would rather wait a little longer for a house. People judge you when you don't live together, they don't think you will end up making because oh you never lived with each other before so you don't know him that well like you should before getting married and blah blah blah. I hear it all. But I don't care what people have to say I know our relationship and I know we will make it regardless of our living situations. I wont let people pressure us into changing our plans.

View Quoted Comment Right. I find it odd how ppl are so quick to say you'll hace issues bc you never lived together b4 and that you don't know someone until you live together. Then I see other ppl who's judgement is SUPER clouded because they do live with someone. Ummmm it's more difficult to end a relationship that is bad when u live together versus when you dont.

FH and I have been together since 15 we are 25 now and don't plan on living together until after marriage. I am Christian so I do believe in living separately AND now my wedding night will be even more special. Like literally my whole life will change and that's so exciting to me!

I don't live with my fiance and we have been dating during 2 1/2 years. It is funny for me how my coworkers who live with their partner judge me and try to make pressure. They find it like crazy and for them don't make sense. However I think that doesn't have to make sense to them because they aren't the one that are in my relationship. Also I won't let other people way of thinking dictate how I should think, believe or decide.

I did not move in with my husband til like a couple months before we got married and by then we had been together for three years already.

View Quoted Comment Right, I'm with you on that. Very exciting!

View Quoted Comment I agree. It's just annoying with the pressure sometimes.

View Quoted Comment Okay cool. Thanks for sharing your experiences.